Faded Meteor
by paige1133
Summary: Edward's POV in New Moon. What he did while he was gone and his thoughts when leaving Bella, and the Volturi. "Months ago I dedicated myself to protect her. Her life, her well being, her happiness. Who am I to stand in the way of her joy?"
1. Preface

Preface

**Disclaimer: I dont own Twilight**

Sometimes you have to give up things for the ones you love, even your own happiness. Months ago I dedicated myself to protect her. Her life, her well being, her happiness. Who am I to stand in the way of her joy? She says she knows what she wants, but she doesn't. My angel doesn't know what it is like to be turned into a soulless monster like myself. She doesn't know what it is like to be a murder. I'm no good for her. She needs some one healthy, some one _human._ I know Bella will live through this. But can I?

I'll have to. For her.

Standing here, looking at her soulful brown eyes is the only assurance I need. As long as she is on this earth, than so am I. I will give up anything for the only one I love.

**A/N: Next chapter should be up soon. Hope you liked this. And a note from my Beta... **

**B/N: New Story! w00t w00t **


	2. Birthday Party

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight **

Music used to be my only love…until I met Bella. A smile formed on my lips at the thought of her.

_Sometimes, I'd really like to know what Edward is thinking_, Emmett huffed in his thoughts, disrupting my playing of Beethoven. "What are you smiling at?" he asked from his position on the couch. Rosalie and Emmett had both recently came back from their trip to Africa. Now that he was back, well, I had forgotten how nosy and out spoken my brother is.

"Nothing," I replied, my fingers finding the ending notes of the song and starting on another piece.

"Come on Edward!" he whined. "I would've told you."

"You wouldn't have to tell me," I fired back.

_All the more reason you should tell me!_

"Bella," I sighed, defeated. There are no secretes in this house. I figure it's just one more thing to add to the list.

"Oh. Do you think she'll like her present?" he asked again. Today my Bella was turning eighteen, something I would never get a chance to physically do.

"Yes, Emmett, I already told you that."

"I know…but Alice won't tell me her vision," complained Emmett.

"She wants it to be a surprise," I reminded him.

"I know, I know," he sighed. _Maybe you could comment on her bad radio today. Then she'll really like it._ Emmett smiled to himself at his new plan.

"Edward," Alice danced into the room. "It's time to go," she announced heading towards the door. I stopped my playing and nodded.

"I'll see what I can do," I told him and ran out of the house with Alice after saying goodbye to Esme. The whole ride Alice practically bounced in her seat. She loved planning parties, especially birthday parties, since she can't remember having any of her own. She also loved Bella, so she was planning a party for her tonight. Although I tried to convince it is not what she wants, Alice is unstoppable. When we got out of the car I was emerged in thoughts of the students at Forks High.

_Man, I forgot my trig homework again! Mom's gonna kill me if I get another detention. _

_I hope he asks me out. He's so cute! Oh, here he comes! Act cool. _

_I wonder what's for lunch today, I'm starving. _

_There are the two Cullen's, too bad the blond one graduated. _Usually after a while high school kids strayed away from us. But there was always a persistent one.

_I wonder where Bella is. _

My head snapped up to find the source of the mind. I saw Mike Newton quickly then. I looked away. He was someone who I wish was less persistent.

_Edward, Bella's here!_ Alice chirped at me.

I scanned the crowd to find her old red pick up truck entering the lot. If I had it my way, Bella would be getting a nice, _safe_ car from me today. But for some reason I cannot fathom, she actually likes the piece of metal, so I decided to just let it go…for now.

Alice strolled over to meet Bella at her car.

"Happy Birthday, Bella!" I heard Alice cheer.

"Shh!" Bella scolded and checked to make sure no one heard. She loathed attention almost as much as she disliked getting older than me.

"Do you want to open your present now or later?" Alice asked, ignoring her remark.

I leaned across my silver Volvo and waited for them to reach me.

"No presents," she mumbled under her breath.

"Okay… later, then." Bella was going to have to learn that Alice was inescapable.

_Whatever she says, I'm still giving it to her. She's going to love it, Alice thought._ "Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? Andthe camera from Charlie?" my psychic sister proceeded to ramble on. Aliceknew what Bella was getting from her parents once they decided it.

"Yeah. They're great," she agreed without a high level of enthusiasm in her beautiful voice.

"I think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience."

"How many times have you been a senior?" Bella fired back.

"That's different," Alice said. Now that they were in front of me I held out my hand for her to take. She took it, naturally. The warmth there felt nice, and I still find it hard to believe that she wanted to hold my icy hand.

Bella squeezed my hand and her heart speed up. It always makes me smug to know it was out of love than fear.

"So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?" I asked softly.

"Yes. That is correct," she agreed.

"Just checking," I explained. "You might have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthday gifts." I smiled and Alice laughed along.

"Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?" Alice didn't remember much as a human. But she has learned enough through interaction and television.

"Getting older." Bella's voice cracked as she answered Alice's rhetorical question. My lips formed a hard line. As much as I knew this argument was going to come up today, I still wasn't ready to have it.

"Eighteen isn't very old. Don't women usually wait till their twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"

"It's older than Edward," she mumbled. I sighed—we had this conversation during prom.

I wasn't going to take away her humanity.

"Technically. Just by one little year though." Alice kept her voce light and tried to be optimistic. We walked in silence for a while before Alice started to speak again.

"What time will you be at the house?"

"I didn't know I had plans to be there," Bella muttered.

"Oh, be fair, Bella!" Alice raised her voice. "You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?" She was right. My family was looking forward to this more than Bella would be.

"I thought my birthday was about what I want." Alice and I both knew she was coming, regardless.

"I'll get her from Charlie's right after school," I said choosing to ignore Bella's comment.

"I have to work," she refused.

"You don't, actually," Alice had checked everything to make sure Bella was free. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'" Bella frowned looking for another excuse.

"I—I still can't come over. I, well, I haven't watched Romeo and Juliet yet for English."

"You have Romeo and Juliet memorized," Alice snorted.

"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it preformed to fully appreciate it--that's how Shakespeare intended it to be." I rolled my eyes as she quoted the teacher. It was so Bella.

"You've already seen the movie," Alice argued.

"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was best."

Alice glared at her. _She is coming one way or another_. She thought to herself. "This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other—" _You're coming and you're going to like it. _

"Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch the movie, then she can. It's her birthday." I reminded, Alice didn't seem pleased that I took sides with Bella.

_Traitor. _

"So there," it was Bella's turn to be smug.

"I'll bring here over around seven," I didn't miss the look she gave me. "That will give you more time to set up."

_Oh, good idea_. "Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see." She laughed and parted ways with us.

"Edward, please—" she began to beg. I put a finger over her warm lips.

"Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class." I said as we reached the door. We took our seats and the rest of the day went undisturbed. Bella and I had almost all of classes now that I convinced Mrs. Cope to change my schedule, and as promised, I didn't mention Bella's birthday until after school.

I held the passenger open for Bella. Alice and I had decided that we would take her truck to her house then mine at seven.

"It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?" she pouted with arm crossed.

"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished." I shrugged, humoring her.

"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight…" She trailed off with a smile of her face.

"All right," I moved past her to the driver's side. "Happy Birthday."

"Shh!"

Her car started and I could hear every rusty piece of metal clank together.

Oh, she absolutely needed a new car. Remembering Emmett's request, I started playing with the radio, getting it on the most static-y station I could find.

"Your radio has horrible reception." I shook my head slowly, changing the station.

"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car," she spat. I pressed my lips together to stop a smile. I knew Bella was in a bad mood, but soon enough the radio would be the one last thing she would have to worry about. She stopped in front of Charlie's house. When the engine cut, I took her face in my hands.

"You should be in a good mood, today of all days," I murmured. She was acting like the vile James had come back to track her.

"And if I don't want to be a good mood?" She had trouble keeping an even voice as her heart sped up.

"Too bad," I smirked and leaned in to press my lips against hers. Letting them linger, I reminded myself to stay in control. I could kill her with one twitch of my finger. I knew she would forget her bad mood by now. As if she read my mind Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and pushed against my lips. I smiled and leaned back as she unraveled her slender arms from behind me.

"Be good, please," I asked. It would be easier to control myself around her if she didn't want to kiss me. It's harder when I have to stop the both of us. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. Her heart sped up again, beating erratically under her pale skin. She put her hand over her heart as to slow its drumming.

"Do you think I'll ever get better at this?" she mused, "that my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?"

"I really hope not," I smiled. I loved knowing the effect I had on

Bella, even if it was a bit masochistic…and sadistic, at the same time. She rolled her eyes at me.

"Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues hack each other up, all right?"

"Your wish, my command," I answered easily.

Bella and I were laid out on her couch. I wrapped a blanket around her body.

It still amazes me how she prefers to be in the arms of the equivalent of a cold statue. But I'm glad she does. "You know, I've never had much patience in Romeo," I said.

"What's wrong with Romeo?" Bella furrowed her eyebrows and sounded offended.

"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline—you don't think it makes him a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?" I ended my rant and she sighed.

"Do you want me to watch this alone?"

"No, I'll mostly be watching you anyway," I ran my hand down her arm. "Will you cry?"

"Probably," she confessed. "If I'm paying attention." I was curious because I had never seen Bella really cry before.

"I wont distract you then," I whispered against her ear. The movie dragged on as I watch Bella's reaction to me whispering Romeo's lines in her ear. When new reached to Juliet that her husband was dead. Bella began to cry. There was something beautiful about, like all things Bella. It reminded me of earlier this year.

"I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here," I commented swiping the tears off her face.

"She's very pretty," Bella agreed.

I choked and scoffed at the same time. "I don't envy him for the girl—just the ease of suicide," I murmured, only half teasing. "You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts…"

"What?" she gasped in horror.

"It's something I has to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning…after he'd realized what he'd become…" I stopped myself. Obviously I was beginning to scare her, on her birthday of all days! I turned my tone light hoping to appease it. "And he's clearly still in excellent health." Bella moved in my arms to look me in the eyes.

"What are you talking about?" her eyes narrowed. "What do you mean, this is something you had to think about once?"

"Last spring, when you were…nearly killed…" I calmed myself for a moment. James was dead, and Bella was safe. "Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not easy for me as it is for a human."

She thought it over for a moment, tracing the bite mark on her hand.

"Contingency plans?"

"Well, I wasn't going to live without you." I rolled my eyes. What did she expect? For me to go back to how I was living my dull existence? Not after meeting her. "But I wasn't sure how to do it—I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help…so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi."

"What is a Volturi?"

"The Volturi are a family. A very old, very powerful of our kind. They are the closet things our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America—do you remember the story?" I asked, thinking about the numerous times I had Carlisle tell the story to me.

"Of course I remember."

"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi," I said nonchalantly, shrugging. "Not unless you want to die—or whatever it is we do,"…because we surely don't die in the human sense. Vampires obviously don't get the sweet chance to go heaven no matter what nonsense Carlisle spewed about how only our beliefs mattered. I knew better – God himself would probably retch at the sight of us. Hell, maybe that's where we go, since we're most likely Satan's little masterpieces. Or maybe we go to some god-forsaken place where we'd be lucky to go to Hell. Carlisle and I have debated many times over the topic. He thinks vampires have a soul. But how could a creature designed to kill have a chance to go to heaven?

Bella disturbed my reverie by taking my face in her hands. She held it as tightly as she could and looked me in the eye. "You must never, never, never think of anything like that again!" she roared. "No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!" What might happen to her? I'd never allow it, not again.

"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point."

"Put me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault?" her voice got louder as she kept talking. "How dare you even think like that?" she questioned. How dare I? What was I suppose to do? Go back to existing the same way I was before she entered my life? That's impossible.

"What would you do, if the situation were reversed?"

"That's not the same thing," Bella argued. I chuckled, not seeing the difference.

"What if something did happen to you?" she shuddered at the thought.

"Would you want me to go off myself?" I flinched, but my face quickly resumed it's calm exterior again. Even if I had died, I would still want Bella to be safe, and happy.

"I guess I see your point…a little." It still doesn't mean I could live without her. "But what would I do without you?"

"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence," she said as if it was the final step to a four-step geometry proof.

Easier said than done. Apparently that's exactly what she intended me to do. I sighed. "You make it sound so easy."

"It should be. I'm really that interesting."

I was going to argue with her. Silly girl, when was she going to see herself clearly? But it didn't matter, because I'll never let anything happen to her.

"Moot point," I said again.

_Slow day at work, there should be a game on tonight. I hope Bella doesn't mind the pizza; I don't want her to have to cook on her birthday. I can't believe she's eighteen._ I heard Charlie's thoughts and pulled Bella offofme until we were sitting side by side.

"Charlie?" she guessed. I smiled in return as Charlie pulled into the driveway. Bella settled on holding my hand.

"Hey kids," Oh I see the Cullen kid is here again. They're close now; maybe I should talk to her about these high school romances. I don't want her making the same mistake as me. "I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for you birthday. Hungry?" _We already know Edward isn't_, Charlie thought. Now he's use to me passing on dinner and rarely thinks about it.

"Sure. Thanks, Dad." I watched Bella eat and made awkward small talk with Charlie for a while. When they finished I asked, in a polite tone, "Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?"

_I guess that's okay. She should have fun on her birthday. With the game on tonight she would probably be bored. _"That's fine—the Mariners areplaying the Sox tonight." Bella's face dropped; she had been hoping forano. "So I won't be any kind of company….Here." He tossed the cameraBella had gotten fore her birthday. Before the device could crash to heflooroff of Bella's fingers, I grabbed it. "Nice save," Charlie mumbled. _Wow he's got some fast reflex, wonder why he doesn't play ball. _"Ifthey're doing something fun at the Cullen's tonight, Bella, you shouldtake some pictures. You know how your mother gets—she'll be wanting toseepictures faster than you can take them."

"Good idea, Charlie," I agreed. Bella needs to stay in contact with her mom more. I feel bad taking up all her time. I handed the camera to Bella who turned and snapped a picture of me quickly.

"It works," she noted.

"That's good. Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while," Charlie frowned. He usually preferred my sister to me. Ever since she helped Bella with her cast last spring Charlie had gotten a kick out of her.

"It's been three days, Dad," Bella pointed out. "I'll tell her."

"Okay. You kids gave fun tonight." He dismissed us, going toward their living room. I smiled and took Bella's hand. We walked to her truck and I held the passenger door opened. I had told Alice seven, and if I were minute late she would have my head. The reminder had me pressing the engine to go faster.

"Take it easy," she warned. Even human ears could hear the groan of the engine increase.

"You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power…" I proposed.

"There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."

"Not a dime," I assured. I was right to I didn't spend any money on the

CD I made her while Alice recorded it. But I never said anything about the rest of my family.

"Good," she said, satisfied. That made me worry. Everyone had gotten her something and all of them were excited.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"That depends on what it is."

"Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."

She sighed. "Fine, I'll behave."

"I probably should warn you…"

"Please do."

"When I say they're all excited…I do mean all of them."

"Everyone?" she squeaked. "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa."

"Emmett wanted to be here."

"But…Rosalie?" Rosalie was the exception to my family's joyous mood. She had different opinions on Bella.

"I know, Bella. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior."

She didn't answer in attempt to change the subject I asked. "So, if you wont let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for you birthday?"

"You know what I want," she whispered. I shouldn't have brought it up.

"Not tonight, Bella. Please," I begged. She was human tonight, celebrating her birthday. I didn't want to change that.

"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want." A growl formed from deep in my throat. Alice wouldn't dare.

"This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella."

"That's not fair!"

I clenched my teeth together. What's not fair is getting your humanity taken away from you. Bella moaned when she saw the decorations courtesy of Alice. I took a deep breath and pushed our conversation out of my mind.

"This is a part. Try to be a good sport," I pleaded.

"Sure," she grumbled. I jumped out of the cab and opened Bella's door.

"I have a question," she announced. I waited.

"If I develop this film," she said, fiddling with the camera in her hands.

"Will you show is in the picture?" I laughed as we walked up the steps and

I opened the door.

_It's so nice to hear him laugh_, Esme thought. She was particularly intrigued on my relationship with Bella. My family was in a herd when we came in and yelled "Happy birthday!" to her. Bella looked at her feet and blushed an appealing color. I didn't bother looking around as I suspected it to be according to Alice's vision earlier. Watching Bella's as she took in the décor she frowned slightly. I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her mahogany hair. Esme and Carlisle hugged Bella gently and Carlisle whispered, "Sorry about this, Bella. We couldn't rein Alice in."

_Here comes the human. Why can't she be happy about this after Alice made me help?_ Rosalie's self-centered thoughts intruded my mind. I glared at her.

_Fine, fine_, she thought as Emmett grinned goofily at Bella.

_Wow, she didn't even change_. "You haven't changed at all,"

Emmett's face fell. "I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always."

"Thanks a lot, Emmett." Her blushed deepened.

_Yep, still the same,_ Emmett thought. _Edward, can I install the stereo now?_ I gave him the slightest nod yes. Cool, be back in a second. "I have to step out for a second," he winked at Alice. "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone," he chuckled.

"I'll try," Bella responded as Alice trotted over to her from Jasper.

_I'm glad Alice had so much fun planning this party. Too bad Bella smells good..._ Jasper thought. I glared at him inconspicuously. _Sorry!_ He thought quickly and sincerely. Jasper was new at this diet and had a harder time resisting.

"Time to open presents," Alice announced dragging Bella to the packages.

"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything—"

"But I didn't listen," she interrupted. "Open it!"

Bella read the tag that stated it was from Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie.

She carefully ripped the paper off to reveal the empty box. It appeared she didn't know what it was because Bella continued to open the cardboard box.

"Um…thanks."

_Ha, the human actually thinks we got her nothing_. Rose smiled to herself.

"It's a stereo for your truck. Emmett's installing it right now so you cant return it." Jasper explained.

"Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie," she smiled about something which I did not know. It was frustrating not knowing what she's thinking. "Thanks, Emmett!" Bella called. He laughed in return and so did Bella.

_I knew she would like it better if Edward did the set-up_ Emmett's thoughts were smug.

"Open mine and Edward's next," Alice exclaimed handing her the gift.

Bella glared at me

"You promised." I opened my mouth to speak but was cut off by Emmett.

"Just in time!" he trudged through the door.

"I didn't spend a dime," I promised brushing away a hair from her face so I could see her deep eyes. She took a deep breath

"Give it to me," she groaned, Emmett laughed.

_Of course Edward would get the drama queen like him._ I choose to ignore that thought. Bella rolled her eyes at me as she pulled out her finger from under the tape. I didn't even hear what she said. I was too overwhelmed with the dizzying delicious scent that could only be Bella's blood.


	3. Decisions

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

The scent of her blood was so sweet that everything seemed far away.

_No, no, no! This can't be happening…. blood! Oh, God, it smells so good. I must have it! _Jasper's thoughts, filled with twisted menace and deadly purpose, brought me back to the situation. One drop of Bella's blood dripped out of her finger.

"No!" I growled, throwing myself in front of Bella defensively, daring anyone to come closer. The sound of Bella falling was far away as I focused on Jasper. I had interrupted his hunt, and he wasn't happy. Jasper slammed into me with a growl of his own. He was snarling at me now. His thoughts were robotic, and focused solely on the blood. He tried to shove past me again and I blocked him. Jasper snapped his teeth at me and it took all I had to remind myself that he was my brother, and that I couldn't rip his head off.

_I have to get Jasper!_ Emmett thought once he was in control of his bloodlust. Swiftly Emmett grabbed him and tried to pull back as Jasper struggled against his grip. Jaspers black eyes were focused on Bella.

_I need to stop this, _Carlisle thought. "Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside."

_Good plan_, "Come on, Jasper," Emmett said while the latter struggled in his arms. I hadn't breathed since I was aware of the situation and when I saw the look in Jasper's eyes I snarled. Rosalie still found a way to be smug and stepped in front of Jasper to direct him out side while Esme held the door open.

_Poor Bella, and Jasper, even Edward for that matter. _"I'm so sorry, Bella." Esme's voice was racked with sobs. I didn't take my eyes off Jasper until they disappeared to far for me to see or hear.

"Let me by, Edward," Carlisle softly demanded. When I didn't move my stance he thought. _Edward, it's okay, it's over now. I need to look at Bella's arm._

That took me off guard. What happened to Bella's arm? I nodded and relaxed my stance as I looked at Bella without breathing. There was a gash in her arm covered in glass and bleeding steadily.

_Stay in control, stay in control, stay in control, _I chanted to myself. How did the gash get there? I replayed the horrid scene in my mind. She sliced her finger, Jasper lost control I ran in front of her and accidentaly knocked her down….

That was it. _I_ had done the worst damage. Didn't I just promise her I wouldn't put her in danger again? Yet here I am, having just caused her to get stitches. I'm such a monster.

"Here, Carlisle," Alice handed him a white plush towel.

"Too much glass in the wound," he noted, covering Bella's arm in the towel. _What a disaster this turned out to be. Now Bella needs stitches._

"Bella," Carlisle said soothingly. I momentarily envied him for having the ability to be so calm right now. He could soothe her and I can't even _breathe_ by her. "Do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?"

"Here, please," she whispered, dizzy from the blood.

"I'll get your bag," Alice volunteered.

"Let's take her to the kitchen table," Carlisle looked at me. _Can you handle it?_ he asked cautiously. I didn't answer; instead, I lifted Bella in my arms and tried not the think about the warm liquid spilling out of her. To distract myself, I worked on keeping a steady face so Bella couldn't see my true agony.

"How are you doing, Bella?" Carlisle questioned.

"I'm fine," she said trying to keep a steady voice. I couldn't portray any emotion on my face or I knew I would snap.

I lightly placed Bella in a chair and Carlisle began to diligently work on her arm. I stood by Bella to make sure nothing went wrong.

"Just go, Edward," she sighed not daring to look at her arm. I gathered all my strength and in one breath I said.

"I can handle it," I mumbled, clenching my teeth together again, forcing myself not to inhale. The throbbing in my throat heightened and I forced down the venom that pulled in my mouth.

"You don't need to be a hero," she insisted. "Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air." Contrary to her words, Bella winced as Carlisle moved over her arm.

"I'll stay," I said flatly.

"Why are you so masochistic?" she mumbled. Doesn't she know? It's a character trait of mine.

"Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you now."

"Yes," Bella agreed. "Go find Jasper."

"You might as well do something useful," added Alice. I narrowed my eyes at her. Alice knew exactly how to push my buttons. She knew it was killing me right now being useless to help Bella. Alice gazed up at me. _Please Edward, I'm worried about him. For me?_ She pleaded. I weighted my options and accidently took a breath while I did so. My throat decided for me as I swiftly sprinted out the room without a word. I picked up his sent soon and ran rapidly until we were side by side. Soon he stopped and turned towards me.

His thoughts were frantic. From what I could make of them he was sure the whole family was angry or disappointed in him, and that I was out her to kill him.

"It's alright Jazz, really," I spoke first.

_Really? You're not here to rip my head off?_

"No; why would I do that to my brother?" I asked as we talked. Jasper and I made our way to a fallen tree and sat on it. We didn't really need to sit, but being around humans so long, the habit wears off on us.

_But I almost attacked Bella. I would have, if you weren't there._

"I know," I responded.

_Why aren't you mad?_

"What's there to be mad about?" I asked. "Should I be mad that you acted naturally or that you snapped at my face?" I tried my best to lighten the mood, when in truth I was distraught. What was I going to do about Bella? _Even if she did still want to see me after this_. I pushed the thought from my mind and focused on our conversation.

_Both, _he replied.

"Well I'm not."

_Edward, I am so sorry. You can't even imagine how sorry I am. Why can't I just restrain myself?_ He had began to trace a battle scar on his wrist. Something he did when he felt sorry. I noticed it had been a while since he used this habit, and wondered what had happened when he received that particular scar that made him trace it when he felt like this.

"I know you're sorry, Jasper. You're still new at this."

_But you didn't attacke her—and her blood is a hundred times more appealing than any other human's!_

"I love her, so it was easier. I've had more experience than you and it's not like I wasn't fighting with my instincts the whole time."

_The whole time? _

"Yes."

_I'm sorry._

"I know."

_You're frustrated about something. Edward, I will do anything to make this up to you and Bella._

"I'm sure Bella will forgive you and I already have," I explained distantly - still trying to figure out what to make of this problem, and what to do to make Bella safe.

_Thank you so much. But you're still frustrated._

"I know, Jasper. It's not because of you. I just have a lot of things to work out," I pinched the bridge of my nose.

_Do you need to talk about it?_ he asked, still trying to do anything to make up for his mistake.

"No, it's okay - we should get back. I need to see how Bella is and Alice is worried about you."

_What am I going to say to her? I feel like Bella is my sister to and I let the whole family down._

"You didn't let anyone down, Jasper. Alice isn't mad at you, but you could say exactly that to her if you feel you need to."

_Thanks, Edward._

"Anytime," I replied flatly as we ran, while part of my brain focused on was to protect Bella. So far I had thought of nothing. Even my heightened mind was still trying to wrap itself around what had just happened.

Then it clicked. The idea had been so blatantly obviously that I didn't even consider about it first. Then after thinking it through I realized it wasn't because it was so evident that I didn't think of it. After reading thoughts for over a century I have found that minds try to hide things from us that would cause us pain. This was certainly going to cause me pain so I subconsciously hid the idea from myself.

I had to leave Bella.

It was the best, really. She didn't have to persistently risk herself to be around my family or I. And she would find someone worthy of her love. Someone who won't have to pull away to keep from killing her with each embrace, someone warm and human who can do normal...things with her. Bella deserved a normal life.

It was going to be hard though, leaving her. Alice was going to have my head, and the rest of the family would be disappointed. Honestly, I didn't care. As long as Bella was safe, they could think whatever they wanted. I had to work on it though. I was not that strong. I was going to have to distance myself slowly; even then it would be difficult. Living without my life, my light, my reason. It will be for her though.

For Bella.

The house came into view then and during the run Jasper had been helpfully quiet. He let me think and concentrated on running. Alice meet us a hundred yards out.

"Alice I'm so—"

"It's okay Jasper. No one was killed. I know you tried your best." I was about to leave to give them privacy when Alice yelled at me. _Edward Cullen! You stay right there. Don't think I haven't seen your idiotic decision. We need to talk. _"Everything is going to be okay," she assured him.

"Thank you, Alice," he murmured. "But if it's all right, I think I need to be alone for a little while longer. Would you mind if I hunt alone tonight?"

"That's fine." She stroked his face. "I need to talk to our idiot brother over here anyway." She shot me a wry glance. Jasper was feeling too terrible about himself to ask what she meant. "Come back soon." She pecked his cheek. His mouth curved slightly upwards.

"Of course," he promised and them ran off.

Alice turned to me then with the most furious face I had ever seen her wear.

_What. Do. You. Think. You. Are. Doing. _Even her thoughts were livid.

"Don't say anything to them yet." I pleaded and spoke low so none the rest couldn't hear.

_I won't, because we're not leaving._

"Yes, we are."

_No, Edward, we're not. You can't make me leave my sister and best friend._

"You've already seen it set in stone Alice. I've made up my mind.."

_What the hell, Edward?! You can't just make us all leave! Not everything is about you. Even Rosalie likes it here._

"This isn't about me," I hissed through clenched teeth. "It's about Bella."

_What? Do you want to hurt her just leaving her like you plan to? It's not going to work, Edward! I've seen it. And can you really be away from her that long? You have a melt down every time she's away! How many times have you been to high school and college now? Didn't you pick up any common sense while you were there? _she ranted.

I sighed. "It's for the best. It will be safer this way."

_For the best my ass!_

"Alice, I'm not budging on this," I told her sternly.

_Edward, you're my brother and I love you. But at times like these you really suck. _She allowed one dry sob to break through her body at the thought of losing Bella too. I felt bad for making her cry, but if it was for Bella, I would do anything. We began to run without another word. I did my best to block out Alice's enraged thoughts. We reached the back door and quickly slipped into character, not letting Bella or the rest of the family on.

All I could do was keep an emotionless face on. Alice was much better at this than me. She quickly walked over to Bella when were in the house.

"C'mon. I'll get you something less macabre to wear," she suggested, towing Bella upstairs. _I'm really going to miss her._

So am I, Alice. I wanted to say back. I don't know how long I was left in a daze staring at were Bella use to stand with Alice. Soon Esme and Carlisle approached me.

_He doesn't look good._

_Edward, son, what's wrong? _"Is there something you need to tell us?" Carlisle spoke first. I nodded unsure if I could find my voice at the moment. "What is it?"

"I—I need to talk to the whole family about it. Later tonight."

"Are you sure you want to wait? You don't look very good," Esme noted.

"Yes, I'm sure."

_His voice is so flat. I wonder what he needs to talk about; surely, it isn't something good, _Esme thought.

"Is it the right choice, son?" I had never told Carlisle I had made a choice. But he had lived with me long enough to know. I put my head in my hands.

"It's for the best," I mumbled.

Soon, Alice and Bella started shuffling downstairs and I waited for her to meet me by the door. I held it open for her quietly, getting used to the silence, the distance.

"Take your things!" Alice jumped up and handed Bella her gifts. "You can thank me later, when you've opened them." _There will be a later, right, Edward? _Alice, although still angry at me, was at a point where she was too sad that we were leaving to be vocal about it. I didn't respond.

Carlisle and Esme said goodbye to Bella and shot me glances.

_Are you sure about this Edward? _I hadn't told Carlisle anything yet. But we have been living together for so long, he can read me almost as well as I can read minds. Silently Bella and I walked to the car and got in. She had kicked the red ribbon that was once attached to the stereo under her seat. I put her old truck into gear and drove toward her house.

"Say something," she pled, breaking the silence. I wanted to hold her, to kiss her hair, and to tell her everything was going to be okay. I knew I couldn't. I couldn't trust myself near Bella any longer.

"What do you want me to say?" What was I supposed to say when I couldn't even calm myself down?

Bella cringed. "Tell me you forgive me."

Instantly, anger fought its way through my carful emotionless mask. "Forgive _you_? For what?" I seethed trying to arrange my features out of their grimace.

"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened," she whispered.

"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut—that hardly deserves a death penalty," I argued.

"It's still my fault." With those four words the anger welled up inside me and burst like an overfilled dam.

"Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your _normal_ friends," I spat viciously, "The worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own—without someone throwing you into them—even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up—and wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself," I ranted.

"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" Bella shouted.

"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with," I yelled back.

"I'd rather die than to be with Mike Newton," she protested. "I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."

"Don't be melodramatic, please."

"Well then, don't you be ridiculous."

I didn't have the will to fight with her on our last night together. Instead I glared out the window wishing she had said yes to Mike, Tyler, or Eric on her first months at Forks. It would have saved her all this pain now. We didn't speak the rest of the ride when I pulled up to her house she asked.

"Will you stay tonight?"

"I should go home."

"For my birthday," Bella urged.

"You can't have it both ways—either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other." I was growing annoyed with myself and accidentaly let it seep through my words at her.

"Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs," I have to admit that I was relieved I had an excuse for not coming home tonight; I didn't think I could face my family yet. Alice would see me staying and tell the others. I was putting off the inevitable.

"You don't have to take those," I said when she reached for her gifts.

"I want them," she said quickly.

"No you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you." They had decided to give Bella to plane tickets to visit her mother in Jacksonville. Knowing how it felt, having children, they both thought it was a good idea to give Bella time with her mother. Carlisle' and Esme's intentions were to give me the second ticket; now, however, I wasn't as sure.

"I'll live," she muttered, putting them under her arm and shutting the door. I ran swiftly beside her

"Let me carry them at least." I took them from her. "I'll be in your room."

The real reason I didn't want her to keep them is because with the recorded CD there was a picture of Bella, Alice, and I taken over the summer. I didn't want any reminders of me when I left. I grimaced at the thought of _leaving_ Bella and not coming back.

"Thanks." She smiled.

"Happy Birthday," I sighed and leaned down to kiss her. When our lips touched I had completely forgotten about how I was supposed to distance myself. She reached up on her toes to get better leverage and then I remembered the other reason why I had to pull back, that wasn't killing her. I smiled at her and hoped it looked normal enough before I raced up her window.

In her room I swiftly removed the picture of us out of the CD case and looked at it. Bella and I were sitting on the porch of my house laughing and holding hands late in the summer's day when the sun had sent. Alice had quickly jumped in beside me on the bench, smiled and stuck out her tongue childishly when she realized Esme was taking our picture. There wasn't the faintest bit of worry or pain in the picture; we had thought our problems were behind us since we had gotten James. Looking at the picture I silently promised that I would leave and take all of my problems with me, leaving Bella to a happy teenage life like she deserves. I sighed and heard Bella's foot falls approaching and I quickly stuck the picture in my pocket.

I tried to act casual when she entered, not wanting her to worry about me.

"Hi," I said when she opened the door, concentrating on the package from Carlisle and Esme in my hands. She moved the gifts out of my hands and sat on my lap.

"Hi." She moved, trying to get closer to my marble body.

_Distance yourself_, I thought, but didn't have the willpower to follow through. "Can I open my presents now?" she asked.

"Where did the enthusiasm come from?" I countered.

"You made me curious," she explained, and picked up the box I had been playing with.

"Allow me," I offered. If she got another paper cut I might just drop dead. Bad, considering my heart doesn't beat. I removed the silver paper that had been diligently folded and handed her the box.

"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" she grumbled. She lifted the lid and examined its contents. "We're going to Jacksonville?" I could hear the excitement in her voice.

"That's the idea," I told her. It would only be an idea though. Maybe she would bring Jessica or Angela; they could go to the beach and have fun in the sun. Not trap themselves in the house all day unlike if I went.

"I can't believe it. Renée is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day."

"I think I can handle it." Right now, the sun in Jacksonville was the least on my mind. "If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."

"Well of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!" she squealed.

I laughed at her excitement. "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable."

At the mention of my gift to her she set the plane tickets aside and went for the CD. I unwrapped it again and handed her back the case that no longer held a carefree picture of our sister and us.

"What is it?" she flipped it around in her hands. I took the case from her and put the CD in the player by her bed. I pressed the play button and soon the opening notes of Bella's lullaby wafted through the room. I watched Bella for her reaction but she didn't say anything. At first I thought she didn't like it but then she started to cry.

"Does your arm hurt?" I asked as she wiped away the tears in her eyes.

"No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I cant believe it," she sniffed.

"I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here," I shrugged.

"You're right."

"How does your arm feel?" I was curious.

"Just fine."

"I'll get you some Tylenol." I knew Bella would brush off pain like it was nothing.

"Charlie," she reminded me under her breath. I checked his thoughts.

_Look at that play! I can't believe it! _He was engrossed in the game downstairs.

"He won't catch me." I smirked slightly. I didn't plan on being gone for more that a second. I opened the door, ran out rapidly, opened the medicine cabinet in their bathroom, got a glass of water, and returned before the door had time to close.

Bella took the pills without argument and lay back down. "It's late," I commented, pulling Bella up into my arms, then putting her back down underneath a thick quilt so she wouldn't get cold next to me. I stretched out beside her on top of the covers. I put my arm around her and she leaned into me.

Could I leave this? Could I leave these calm nights and adventurous days with her? Could I leave her? Was it even right to leave? I had more or less promised to stay with her in Phoenix. If I left, I would break my promise. But I had said as long as it is good for her, and these near death experience weren't good for her. Was it right or wrong leave? I thought of my family and their hospitality to Forks. We all had favored it here over any other place. I knew getting them to move should be the least of my worries. Carlisle and Esme would be worried but supportive, Alice would be upset for making her move from Bella, Jasper would be upset with me for making Alice upset, Rosalie would whine and complain that everything is about me, but secretly be happy I was leaving Bella. I wasn't quite sure about Emmett though; he was blunt but full of surprises sometimes. Was it right or wrong to make my family move?

"What are you thinking about?" Bella asked the question I usually said to her. I debated what I should tell her. She always had a way to know I was lying, and truthfully I didn't like to lie to her. But I couldn't tell her I was thinking about leaving.

"I was thinking about right and wrong, actually," I answered hoping she wouldn't press for more.

"Remember how I decided that I wanted you to _not_ ignore my birthday?" I was grateful that she changed the subject.

"Yes," I said mentally tired from debating with myself. I didn't miss sleep too much but know was a time I wish I could escape reality and submit into unconsciousness.

"Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."

"You're greedy tonight," I pointed out still to wary to joke around.

"Yes, I am—but please, don't do anything you don't want to do," she added hastily. Of course I wanted to kiss her, but was it right or wrong to? And then her words--_don't do anything you don't want to do--_if I did what I wanted to do all the time the situation would be totally different. I would most certainly not be thinking about leaving Bella, that was for sure.

"Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do," I sighed, desperate to see the right and wrong choice. Nevertheless, I pulled her face to mine and kissed her carful of every move.

_Distance yourself, make this the final one, make it last. _I chided myself; the thought made me more urgent for more. I twisted my hand in her hair and she did the same to me. Somewhere in my mind I realized we were going too far but I couldn't stop. The thought in the back of my mind soon became more pronounced and I stopped immediately. Bella collapsed onto her pillow gasping for air.

"Sorry," I apologized. "That was out of line."

"_I_ don't mind," she breathed.

"Try to sleep, Bella," I whispered.

"No, I want you to kiss me again," she persisted.

"You're over estimated my self-control."

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or body?"

"It's a tie," I grinned at her hormonal question. I stopped when I remembered we only had so much time. "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"

"Fine" she agreed cuddling herself closer to me and closed her eyes. She pushed her injured arm against me trying to be sly about it. I smiled in the darkness at her tricky attempt not to let attention draw to herself. We both fell silent. Only one of us knew this would be our last night together.

**A/N: What do you think? Reviews make Edward want to stay! **


	4. GoodByes

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight **

_"O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day!  
Most lamentable day. Most woeful day  
That ever, ever I did yet behold!  
O day, O day, O day! O hateful day!  
Never was seen so black a day as this.  
O woeful day! O woeful day!" _

_- William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, 4.5 _

_****_

Bella woke up groggy and disorientated in the morning. I didn't feel much better.

The part of the night when Bella wasn't talking I had thought about what I would say to my family, and more of right and wrong. Quickly I mumbled a good morning to Bella, kissed her forehead and ran out swiftly. I knew the intervention with my family and I was going to take long, and I needed time.

When I came across the white house nestled in the woods most thoughts were casual. I stepped in to find everyone in the family room, including Jasper.

"I would like to talk to everyone, if you don't mind," I announced.

"Of course Edward," Carlisle replied from his thoughts I could tell he had been waiting for this. We took our seats in the dinning room and I sat in the head.

"Edward, what is it?" asked Carlisle. Taking a deep unnecessary breath I spoke.

"We're leaving" speaking the words sent a wave of pain and reality. I hadn't spoken the words out loud yet and they felt wrong coming from my mouth.

_Um, what? _Emmett stared at me blankly.

_Where? _Jasper asked as confused as Emmett

_I can't believe your doing this to me, Edward, _Alice pouted.

"From Forks," I continued. "I am at least and I ask that for Bella's sake you all do too—"

"Wait." Emmett stopped me, "why isn't Bella coming?" he frowned at the thought.

"You saw what happened last night, I can't risk it again" my voice was growing angrier. Emmett never saw my reason of thinking. In the beginning he saw it simply I killed Bella or I didn't. Then I fell in love with her and to him it was simple again, I should change her. Now he was baffled that I would _leave _her.

_Edward is this a good idea, for both of you?_ The voice of reason was Carlisle's

"I am absolutely sure this is a good idea for her," I told him.

_I never said just her—even if I don't think she would benefit—I said _both_ of you. _

"This will be safe for her," I stated again.

"So you think you can just make us leave then?" Rosalie spat.

"Rose…" Esme warned.

"No! Just because _Edward _said we're leaving we should? God forbid we go against the great Edward!"

"Rosalie!" Carlisle was stern "don't you think it would be a good idea to let Edward explain?"

"Fine" she sulked. _Edward Cullen you can't make me leave because of a petty human! I like it here. _

"Like I was saying I think it will be best for Bella's safety if we leave. I don't want a repeat of what happened last night."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Esme asked.

"I'm positive."

"What about our secret?" snarled Rose. " I don't want the Volturi coming after us. Just because Edward didn't want his precious _human_ to get hurt," her words leaked with venom.

"Bella would never—" I argued.

"You don't know! Do you?" she yelled.

"Alice will see anything major." At that moment everyone looked at Alice.

"He's right" she shook her head " I would."

"Thank you Alice," I murmured.

"That still doesn't mean I think this is a good idea," her face twisted in an angry glower. _Look Edward_ Alice showed me a variety of images of Bella upset.

"She may be upset for a day," I replied. Alice snorted.

_You wont be much better._

"I'll be fine." Alice hit me with another onslaught of images of myself.

"It won't matter, if Bella's safe I'll be fine." She huffed and crossed her arms.

_Edward are you sure? You just found happiness I cant watch you take it away from yourself _Esme thought.

"I'm sure Esme, I cant imagine if anything would happen to Bella—" I shuddered at the though—"especially if it was my fault."

_There really is no talking you out of this? _

"No" I replied blankly. There was a moment of silence as everyone gathered his or her minds.

"I think it is best to respect Edward's decision" Carlisle began. "Bella is his mate—" my eyebrows furrowed, I didn't like the primal sound to that word used to describe Bella—"and if he thinks it is best we should follow it."

"What?" Rosalie shrieked.

"Rosalie, Edward has always moved without complaint, even when you found Emmett."

"That's different!" she shouted, I snorted. "Emmett wasn't some tiny human I found healthy and living. He wasn't someone I could just leave" she was glaring at me now.

"Rose…" Emmett soothed.

"No, Emmett I'm tired of Edward risking our secret from a insignificant _human_" she sneered and then stalked off.

_Thanks a lot, Edward, _Emmett thought before turning to follow Rosalie. I knew her words shouldn't anger me, but they still did. I looked at my remaining family.

"I think it would be best for Bella to have a clean break," I looked at Alice.

"I know" she responded sadly.

"You're not going to school today?" Carlisle asked her.

"No."

_And you Edward? _

"I can't leave just yet," I admitted.

_I understand, _"we have a couple days to get packed. I have to make some calls to the hospital, Esme will you call the Denali clan? They have been wanting us to visit for awhile." Esme nodded in return and gave me a sympathetic look

_I hope you know what you're doing,_ she told me not liking the thought of leaving Bella and walked away.

"I'm going to get changed" I mumbled dejectedly and went to my room changed. There was a knock at the door before Alice let herself in.

"You wanted to talk to me?" of course Alice would know.

"Yes, I think it would be best if you stopped looking for Bella. If anything drastic happens, you'll see but I don't want us meddling with her life."

"But Edward…" Alice whined.

"Please Alice?"

_Fine,_ she had already seen my concrete decision and stalked off.

I looked at the clock and hoped that if I drove fast enough I would beat Bella to school.

Pulling into the lot I did, but not by much minutes after my arrival Bella came too. She parked next to me and I opened the door.

"How do you feel?"

"Perfect," she lied but I didn't have the energy to press. We didn't talk much in the morning. Every now and then Bella would glance at me with a puzzled look on her face. One that knew something was different, but just couldn't tell what it was. Was I being that obvious? Every time I would try to give her my best reassuring smile. It felt wrong to smile knowing I would have to leave her soon. Like a monster lurking in the darkness, you know its there, just not when its going to strike.

Lunch occurred quickly and I knew Bella would notice Alice's absence soon.

"Where's Alice?" she asked. I picked up a piece of revolting human food and concentrated on crushing it between my fingers so she couldn't see through my lie.

"She's with Jasper."

"Is he okay?"

"He's gone away for awhile."

"What? Where?" she said frantically.

"Nowhere in particular," I said vaguely.

"And Alice too" she whispered sadly.

"Yes. She'll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali." It was really the other way around. Jasper was still regretful about his mistake and was thinking about going there anyways for some time.

Bella's face contorted into an uncomfortable look.

"Is your arm bothering you?" I eyed the wound that _I_ had put here. Monster.

"Who cares about my stupid arm?" she muttered under her breath. I felt to guilty to argue.

When the day ended I walked Bella to her car without speaking. The silence made distancing myself more difficult. I had to remind myself it was for the best.

"Are you coming over later tonight?" she wondered.

"Later?" I questioned. Truthfully, I was being a complete hypocrite by trying to pt space between us while working to spend have every moment together.

"I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off."

"Oh," I murmured lamely.

"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?" she checked.

"If you want me to."

"I always want you," she vowed sending another stab through my absent heart. She doesn't know what she's talking about. I'm her first boyfriend; she'll get over me soon. I reasoned with myself.

"All right then," I sighed. I kissed her on the forehead each time I did I promised myself it was the last, but I didn't have that strength. After shutting her door I made my way to my Volvo and drove to the house.

I walked in to find boxes everywhere.

_Edward, could you come help me with this?_ Esme asked from the kitchen. I silently made my way to where she was. _Could you grab everything off the top shelf? _I nodded in return. _Thank you. _We began working in silence placing all the times in they're designated boxes. I knew Esme wanted to speak to me so I gave her time to gather her thoughts.

_I'm not sure about this Edward _she began.

"Should I put this with the breakables then?" I held up the glass plate. I knew that wasn't what she meant but I wanted to avoid the topic of leaving Bella. It brought me more hurt than they know.

_You know what I mean_, she accused.

"Yes, I'm sure," I said coldly.

_I don't like the thought of leaving one of my children _she frowned. _Or the thought of what would happen to you! _Esme started to get worried at the thought.

"Esme, I'll be fine. I'll have to be," I said the last part under my breath but she caught it.

_You don't _have_ to do this, Edward. You just found happiness it would kill me to see you run away from it. _

"And it would kill me to see Bella hurt because she was spending time with me!" Once again I was becoming flustered and angry with myself over her birthday incident and let it leak through my words.

_What about Bella? _

"She'll be safer this way, happier"

_Happier? Edward I don't know if you've noticed but she loves you too,_ argued Esme.

"Bella's a eighteen, Esme. I've seen it through the minds of high school kids for decades. They get over this quickly." It hurt to think that Bella would get over me quickly. I had to remind myself that it was for the best and one day she would find someone she deserves.

_But you haven't seen it through her mind, have you? _Esme put down the tape she was using to close a box and looked at me skeptically.

"No, I haven't," I admitted. "But I know that she deserves someone human. Someone who doesn't fight the urge to kill her, someone who can spend everyday with her and do every _human_ thing she wants," I stressed the word human.

_Edward I know you think that we are some kind of horrible monsters and that you don't deserve anything. But you're my son and I know you need her just as much as you do. I just hope that this will work out for both of you, _and with that she walked away.

"This will work out for Bella," I said to myself before going upstairs to pack my things.

I thought the task would take my mind off things but it didn't. Everything reminds me of her. It only makes it worse that I had to get rid of some things because they had Bella's scent on it. I finished faster than I thought so I put some music on to clear my thoughts.

That didn't help either.

Finally I gave in and decided to go back over to Bella's. Her shift wasn't supposed to end for another half an hour but I could still hope. I made my way downstairs and mumbled

"Going to Bella's" to Alice and Jasper who were on the couch.

_She's not home yet,_ Alice thought. I shrugged in response and walked to my car. I was at the Swan's house in five minutes. As Alice has said, she wasn't there, but Charlie was. I debated whether or not to wait in the car or go to the door and pretend I had forgotten that Bella was at work. I decided on going to the door, not wanting my last impression on Charlie to be that I sit outside his house when his daughter isn't home.

At a human pace I walked up to the door and knocked. I heard Charlie huff and his footsteps approaching the door.

"Oh, hey Edward, Bella isn't here" he greeted.

"Oh, she isn't where is she?" I said pretending to be clueless.

_Man he looks worried, probably a big test coming up or something, _Charlie thought. I smiled at him trying to look normal. I hadn't realized people were beginning to see through my façade. "She's at work but will be back in about twenty minutes. You can come in if you'd like, there still some pizza if you'd like."

"Sure, thank you," I said with another fake smile. Quietly we made our way to the kitchen and sat down. I played with the pizza and had to swallow a bite when Charlie got suspicious. Then I threw away my plate and napkin full of pizza before I began to get nauseas and excused myself to the bathroom. Human food is twice as disgusting coming back up. When I returned Charlie was watching SportsCenter and I joined him. Eventually I heard Bella open the door.

"Dad? Edward?" she called. A wave of panic hit me so hard that I though Jasper was hiding somewhere. Every time I have seen her since her birthday my decision began to worry me more and more. This time it hit me hard.

"In here," said Charlie.

"Hi" she said softer than usual.

"Hey, Bella," Charlie said without looking up. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."

"Okay" she answered. When she didn't move I looked at her and smiled a strained smile.

"I'll be right behind you," _right after I remember how to use my legs._ I thought to myself. She stared at us for a while with a puzzled look on her face. I wanted to go over and ask what was wrong.

_Distance yourself, _I reminded, so I stayed put. I gave her some time to eat but then heard her go upstairs, suspecting she wants to be alone. I stayed where I was. There was a click of her camera upstairs before she came back down. Bella tiptoed her way towards us with her camera. I felt to sick to my stomach to look at her. She snapped a picture of us and I knew I would have to look at her then. It was the human thing to do, so I did. I saw the gorgeous face I would have to leave behind. I looked at he with out emotion. I had coughed up the food a half an hour ago, so why was I still nauseas?

"What are you doing, Bella?" complained Charlie, like father like daughter.

"Oh come on," she gave a weak smile and sat in front of the couch. "You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work before she can get her feelings hurt.

"Why are you taking pictures of me though," he mumbled.

"Because you're so handsome," she joked. "And because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of the subjects."

_I guess she's right_, he huffed in his mind.

"Hey, Edward" Bella said. "Take one of me and my dad together." Bella threw the camera to me without meeting my eyes. Then she sat on the arm of the sofa next to him looking at me blankly.

"You need to smile, Bella," I said quietly. Under other circumstances, I would have found it funny. She did, I took the picture.

"Let me take one of you kids" _so they can't take any of me. _Charlie added in his mind. I gently put my arm around her shoulders and she tightly put hers around my waist.

"Smile, Bella," Charlie reminded. We both smiled as the camera flashed.

"Enough pictures for tonight," Charlie hid the camera in the crevice of the couch. "You don't have to use the whole roll now." I let go of Bella's shoulders and escape from her grip while trying to look like I didn't want her. I sat back down in my seat. Bella sat on the couch and I noticed her hands were shaking before she squeezed them between her stomach and legs. I wanted her ask her what was wrong but I reminded myself I couldn't. The show ended and I stood up.

"I'd better get home," I announced.

"See ya," Charlie waved. Bella followed me out the door and her heavenly scent was stronger out in the rain. I went to my car without risking a glance at her. If I did I probably wouldn't be able to leave.

"Will you stay?" she asked.

"Not tonight," we didn't speak after that, I got in my car and speed away.

When I returned home Carlisle was there.

_I told the hospital today. The Denali clan is ready for us. We're all ready to go Edward. Just say the word. _

"Thank you," I replied grimacing slightly at the reminder that I still didn't know how I could tell her.

_You don't have to do this. I could go back to the hospital and tell them my job in L.A fell through we don't have to go. _L.A? Is that what he told them? I found that I didn't care much about the story.

"Yes we do," I said.

_There was one more thing, _he sighed I raised my eyebrow at him. _I wasn't sure what to tell the school when your last day would be. _

"Tomorrow," I decided. It wouldn't be good to led Bella on like this, and I don't know if I can look at her any more without feeling guilty.

_All right then, just remember you don't have to do this. _

I nodded he gave looked at me one last time and thought to himself. _I really do feel bad for him,_ before walking away. I figured to was no use arguing and went to one of the only things that wasn't packed. My piano.

Music has always been a good distraction for me but now I wasn't sure anything could get my mind off tomorrow. I sat down at the bench for a while deciding what to play then decided to pick up on the piece I had left off on days ago. Before this all happened, it felt like years ago, a more carefree time. I closed my eyes and began to play. It took me some time before I noticed my hands had found another melody naturally. I froze immediately when I realized it was her lullaby.

I banged fist down on the keys and bent my head down on them in frustrations or grief I didn't know. I hadn't noticed I was like that for a long time until Emmett said

"Shouldn't you be going to school? Don't want to be late on your last day," Emmett kept his tone light but was thinking. _Poor guy. Didn't even realize he was sitting there for hours. _

"Oh thanks Emmett," I mumbled before going upstairs to change and then coming back down to leave.

_Good luck Edward, you'll need it,_ Alice thought I looked at her questionably. _I didn't look, I swear. These things are obvious. _I didn't comment as I prepared myself for a horrid day. I looked back at the house one last time. My family was getting ready to load their cars for Alaska. I was going to run down there after….tonight.

I arrived at school before Bella, again. But this time I didn't speak a word nor look at her like I wanted to. Maybe this wouldn't be as hard as I thought. The only time I allowed myself to speak to her was in English when she didn't realize Mr. Berty was asking her the question. I whispered her the answer and wondered if it was because of me. I ruled that option out and told myself she was probably tired from work.

At the end of the day we went our separate ways and I returned home to prepare myself for later. I spent hours staring at my car debating whether or not to stay one more day before I chickened out. _One more day_. I told myself. Tomorrow I would have to. My phone rang; it was Alice.

"Hello."

"Edward? Are you planning on hiding up there for forever?" Alice demanded.

"I know, Alice. One more day I promise. I'll do it tomorrow."

"You better or I'm coming up there. If you get to stay then so do I." I froze nobody on my family could come back to Bella. It wouldn't be good for her.

"Alice," I hissed. "As far as I'm concerned you or I or anyone else in this family is _forbidden _to see Bella after tomorrow."

"Whatever" she sighed sullenly, out of character of Alice. I heard the dial tone after that. I swiftly called the school and imitated Carlisle's voice telling them I would be attending one more day but to keep it quiet.

The school day was uneventful again. Nothing was new other than the nausea feeling returning in my stomach. I walked Bella to her truck. _Today, it has to be today,_ I chanted.

"Do you mind if I come over today?" I asked.

"Of course not."

"Now?" the sooner that I wasn't ruining Bella's life the better. I was being selfish yesterday, not telling her then.

"Sure. I was just going to drop a letter for Renée in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there." My gaze traveled to the plump envelop in the cab. I could tell there were pictures of us in there. I didn't want her to have a reminder of what I have put her through. I couldn't let her send those pictures.

"I'll do it," I offered, "and I'll still beat you there." I smiled crookedly at her hoping it would lighten the mood.

"Okay," she agreed but didn't smile back. Maybe she's tired again. I shut her door and head back to my car with the pictures in hand. I made my way to her house and parked in Charlie's spot, hopefully that would give her some fore warning. Then something stuck me. If she developed these photos, she probably has others upstairs. I sighed, got out of my car and climbed up to her room. It was saturated with her luscious scent. I found her scrapbook quickly and saw that only the first page as filled with one picture of me. Bella's said of the picture was folded down. I chuckled--even now she can make me laugh--was Bella ever going to see herself clearly? I also gathered her CD Alice and I had given her. I was about to leave but was caught with a dilemma. I didn't have a right to take these they were hers after all. Eventually I settled on hiding them underneath a floorboard in her room. I couldn't help but let a tiny part of me hop she would find them. I continued downstairs to leave a note for Charlie. I had warned her to be carful in the woods this was just a precaution. In her script I wrote.

_Going for a walk with Edward, up the path. Back soon, B. _

Then—Heaven forbid—if something _did_ happen to Bella I should be the one to blame. It seems I cant do anything right these days. I heard Bella's car rounding the corner so I ran to my car and slipped in waiting causally.

I walked over to meet her she began taking her backpack out and I stopped her.

"Come for a walk with me," I suggested all the normality was gone in my voice. I took her hand savoring the warmth. I didn't wait for her answer I tugged her toward the trail. I knew if I didn't do this soon, I never would. I only dragged us a few trees in close enough for her to see the house. Far enough for me to escape, how cynical it sounded.

I leaned on a tree across from her with out emotion--it was either that or have a breakdown—trying to memorize her perfect features.

"Okay let's talk," I was surprised how forceful her voice sounded.

I took a deep breath. I had been dreaded this for days. Since we've meet, actually, I always knew I couldn't stay with her forever. I just couldn't let go. But now? It hardly seemed possible.

"Bella, we're leaving," I heard myself say.

"Why now? Another year—"

"Bella it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless," I explained. She looked into my eyes like she was searching for something she couldn't find. What was she thinking?

"When you say _we_—" _Idiot. _I scolded myself, of course she would include herself with my family. How many times have we said she was part of my family? Mistake number one.

"I mean my family and myself," I watched as she shook her head back and forth.

"Okay, I'll come with you," she announced.

"You can't Bella. Where we're going….It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me," Likewise, I wanted to say back.

"I'm no good for you, Bella," I said. Out of all the lies I will have to tell her today. That will be the strong truth.

"Don't be ridiculous," she argued. I had expected this. For her to disagree, I was prepared to tell her for hours until she gave up. Bella does always have a good way of knowing when I lied. Surely she is seeing the biggest one I have ever told. "You're the very best part of my life," she sounded like I felt. Only I felt worse.

"My world is not for you," I replied coldly, slightly shocked that I had told the truth again.

"What happened with Jasper—that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" she shouted.

"Your right. It was exactly what was to be expected."

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay—"

"As long as that was best for you," I corrected.

"_No! _This is about my soul, isn't it?" she yelled, so Carlisle had told her more than what I had thought. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you—it's yours already!" I would have snorted if I could feel pass the guilt and sorrow. She had no idea what she was giving up.

I took a deep breath again and looked at the ground. All the distance I had put between us had not prepared me for this. She was seeing past me. I now had to tell her the worst thing I will ever say. My mouth contorted in a small grimace before hiding it. I look up from the ground not letting any emotion trickle through my eyes.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me," lies. She paused for a second most likely shocked by my sudden change in tone.

"You….don't….want me?"

"No." What was I saying? Part of me wondered. How can you protect her if your gone? Stay with her. I shut that part out of my mind.

She stared in my eyes and I tried to memorize the exact shade of unique brown her eyes were.

"Well that changes things," her voice was reasonable. I knew she would get over this quickly. I couldn't look at her anymore. As perfect and heart-breaking beautiful she was I couldn't see what I was leaving behind.

"Of course I will always love you….in a way." In every way. "But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…._tired_ of pretending to be something I'm not Bella,"--I want to be human with you—"I am not human." I risked another look at her pure face, "I've let this go on for much too long, and I'm so sorry for that," she will never understand how sorry I am.

"Don't," she whispered, and at first I thought she was stopping me for apologizing. "Don't do this," she continued my heart broke. _Bella, Bella, Bella, I don't want to do this. _I thought but tried to keep my face straight.

I only looked at her in the fear that if I talked the truth would come out. She opened her mouth but continued to close it. I waited on edge to hear her voice one last time.

"If…that's what you want," no, Bella it's not what I want. But I _do_ want you to be safe. I nodded not trusting my voice again. I almost dropped to my knees right there. I almost told her I was kidding and she was my reason of living. If she _died_—it was hard to even think of it—I couldn't continue to live. That reminded me of something.

"I would like to ask one favor though, though, if that's not too much," I spoke the words before I could think them over. An emotion shoot across Bella's face, hope, anticipation. I was so shock of her response that my careful mask was suddenly broken before I recomposed it.

"Anything," she promised quickly. That was so like Bella, here I was leaving her, but she would keep a promise for me. How was I going to live without her? It's a good thing I'm already dead.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I asked my voice serious. Then I realized that was mistake number two, if I told her this she would think I still cared. Which was the truth, just not healthy for her.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course," I quickly recovered. "He needs you. Take care of yourself—for him."

"I will," she said. That relaxed me a little I could always trust Bella on her word.

"And I'll make you a promise in return," I began. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I wont come back. I wont put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I never existed," I hope that happens. I hope that she will wake up tomorrow and think it was all a nightmare. I tired to smile at her. "Don't worry. You're human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" I will cherish them forever.

"Well"—I wasn't sure what to tell her. If I said I would never forget, she might take it as an invitation. But I couldn't pull of telling her I would forget with a straight face—"I won't forget. But _my_ kind…we're very easily distracted," I tried to smile reassuringly again. Then I knew it was time to leave…if I could.

I took a step back already forcing myself to distance myself. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

"Alice isn't coming back?" she asked. I felt horrible taking her best friend away. Worse than the guilt Alice will give me for doing this.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" she croaked.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you." I took one last breath of her scent I would miss forever.

"Goodbye, Bella," I said quietly I turned to leave as fast as I could, from the fear that I may never to able to leave.

"Wait!" she chocked. I couldn't say no to her, not even now. I took her arms that had reached for me and put them to her side and steady her balance. I placed one last kiss on her forehead letting my lips linger there before she would notice what I was doing.

"Take care of yourself," I breathed, "I love you, always," I said so quietly she wouldn't hear. I wanted my last words to her to be true. Then I made myself run. Leaving whatever pieces of non-existent heart I had with her. My love, my Bella.

**A/N: Review!**


	5. Aftermath

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

"_Take care of yourself," I breathed, "I love you, always," I said so quietly she wouldn't hear. I wanted my last words to her to be true. Then I made myself run. Leaving whatever pieces of non-existent heart I had with her. My love, my Bella._

****

I didn't know how long I ran. I only controlled myself enough to make my body move in the direction of Alaska. Eventually I found a spot by a large oak tree and collapsed there. It took me a while to notice the strangled cries echoing in the forest was I but didn't seem to care.

It seemed that my brain was working slowly, figuring out things piece by piece.

First I noticed the gaping hole in my chest. It hurt terribly, like I desperately needed air but had forgotten how to breathe. For a second I was surprised, how could something that doesn't exist hurt so bad? Then I realized that after some time, someone was with me. Whomever it was was stroking my hair and speaking words of comfort that would never help. I only wanted to be in one persons embrace right now. I opened my tearless eyes that I hadn't notice were closed until now. To see Alice sitting beside me, but her face was clouded, with an image so breath taking that I'd rather look at it than her. Of course I would still be seeing her, thinking about her, I have been since I left.

"Alice?" I croaked although I couldn't cry, it sounded like I had been for hours. Beside me Alice turned her petite body toward me.

"Yes Edward I'm here," she whispered calmly. That sent me through another frenzy. Her words only reminded me that I could never be there for _Bella_—it was difficult to think her name—again. Everything seemed to remind of her, the trees, flowers, even my own sister. And if I thought of something that had no tie to Bella I was always seeing her face in my eyes.

_Oh! What did I say wrong? _She thought frantically to herself. I sucked in a deep breath.

"Nothing, Alice, nothing. I'm sorry," I said, fighting back another dry sob.

"It's okay, Edward. It's not like what you did was easy." _Even if it was stupid. _I ignored the thought because I was doing what I could not - to start sobbing again. I tried but to no avail one broke through my clenched teeth then was followed by an army of tearless cries.

"Shhh, Edward, it's alright," she stroked my hair maternally.

"No!" I exploded, "It's not Alice! Do you know how hard it was? I told her I didn't love her, didn't _want_ her. And she believed it! I was lying through my teeth and it took all of ten minutes for her to believe that I didn't love her." I groaned at the memory and leaned my head back against the oak.

"Oh," was her only reply. I had asked her not to look for Bella's future but even if I hadn't, she wouldn't have looked. Not wanting to see her brother making a mess with his life.

_At least Bella will be safe, _I thought to myself. The single thought was the only thread that was holding me here, not running back. We sat there in silence for sometime until I decided we should start heading back. If Bella will move on quickly, I should at least try. Although in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't possible.

"Alaska" I was the only word that actually came out of my mouth, but Alice understood.

"Yes," she agreed standing up, "we should get going."

"Did you run here?" I asked.

"No, I drove as fast as I could when I saw the state you where in," she informed me."I need to call home though, you had Esme worried half to death!" she scolded I merely nodded again. Alice pulled a silver phone out of her pocket and waited for someone to pick up.

"Esme?" she asked.

"_Alice, it's so good to hear from you. Did you find him?" _Esme's voice came from the other line.

"Yes, we're just about to drive up now," answered Alice.

"_That's good - thank you so much for finding him. How is he?"_

"A little…distressed. Maybe you should see for yourself, Esme, we'll be there soon."

_Okay we'll see you soon. _And then she hung up.

I didn't actually know where we were, but didn't mind enough to ask. Silently she led me to an empty parking lot near the trees where she had Rosalie's M3 parked.

"The Volvo," I breathed remembering that I had left it in Forks. But knew I wasn't strong enough to go back there and leave again.

"I had Jasper get it; he should be back at Alaska by now." Alice spoke carefully as if one word could shatter me. Under other circumstances I would have reminded her that we weren't supposed to go back. But I was too drained of energy to say anything so I nodded warily.

I let her drive the whole way. She picked up on my mood swiftly and didn't try to coax me out of saying anything. Eventually we pulled up to the house and I stiffened, not in the mood to put up with Tanya and her sisters.

"Don't worry," Alice said. "They went hunting."

"Thanks" I replied. Silently, we walked up to the house and with a deep breath, walked right in.

"Edward," Esme said, relieved, and hugged me fiercely. "How are you?"

"Fine, Esme, thank you," I lied. _Look at him, he looks terrible, I should've never have let him do this. Missing for two days! Someone should have stayed back with him._

"Welcome back, Edward," Carlisle said gently, I_f anything, I pray that this all works out in the end. _Emmett wheeled around in his chair to look at me.

"Hey, do you want to go hunting? Maybe we could go to Russia for a few days?" he asked trying to lighten the mood as Jasper quietly nodded in agreement.

"Maybe later, Emmett, right now I'd really like to go to my room," I replied, turning to the wooden stairs hoping to make an escape.

"Not yet, the others are coming," Alice, informed just as they reached the door. Tanya was the first through and spotted me.

"Edward!" she exclaimed headed toward me and hugged me. I gently wrapped my arms around her only thinking about how much I wished it were someone else.

"It's good to see you Tanya," I greeted plainly, not finding the motivation to even try to fake a smile anymore. Tanya pulled away and looked at me.

_Handsome, as always, but has his eyes always been like that? It almost hurt to look at them, maybe the human has something to do with it,_ she thought. Apparently I wasn't doing as good as job as I thought hiding my sorrow. I felt like I should try to be happier, try to calm myself down so I wouldn't drive Jasper mad. But I couldn't remember _how _to, I couldn't remember those feelings anymore. Maybe, I should give up and go back to her. Alice eyed me skeptically.

_Don't be a wimp, Edward, _I scolded myself and quickly changed my decision. Carmen and Eleazar came forward then followed by Kate who politely said hello. They too wondered what was buried in my eyes.

"I'm sure Irina and Laurent will be sad they missed you," Kate said. I cringed at the memory of Laurent, and more importantly his coven leader James. But eased at the thought that she won't be in danger anymore. "They just left on an extended hunting trip of their own hours ago."

"Oh, maybe another time," I murmured. There was a break in the conversation and I took it as a time to escape. "If you would excuse me I would like to get settled."

I kept my voice as level as possible. They all murmured and nodded in agreement and I made my way the third level of the house, my room was the only one up there when we came to visit. I have never been so grateful that I was farther away from contact with them than I was now.

When I reached my room I stopped dead in my tracks. Like the houses Esme designs for us, this one also had and light and airy landscape. Each room was painted a different color. Each color matched the hues of Alaska. I had forgotten which color mine was.

_Blue._

I was now convinced something was out to get me. I deserved it, obviously. After all the lives I've taken it was inevitable I would need punishment. This was fates cruel way of giving it me. By making everything I own remind me of her.

Esme, or somebody, had already unpacked. For that I was grateful, it means less time looking at the color of my walls. I sat on the white plush couch and stared at the wooden floor willing myself to think of something else, _anything_ else. I realized I should take this a day at a time. That would be easiest. I sat there for a while trying to blink back the lovely image behind my lids. There was a knock at the door.

"Come in," I said only really wanting to be alone. Jasper hesitantly walked through the door.

"Hey" he said.

"Hi," I replied keeping my eyes on the floor, knowing if I looked up I would see that color again.

_Edward, I'm sorry. If I had never attacked Bella_—I shuddered—_this would have never of happened._

"Jasper, this isn't your fault. If it weren't you it would have been someone else. If not thenit would've eventually happened."

_Still, I want you to know I'm sorry._

"I know, there's nothing to be sorry about. I'm f—"

_Don't say your fine, Edward. I can feel all the sorrow your spewing._

I didn't respond. Jasper tried to calm me down.

"Jazz, please, don't." I don't think I could stomach the feeling of being happy anymore.

_But—_

"Please, Jasper," I pled and brought my gaze to his for the first time.

_Fine,_ he agreed and decided to leave the room, trying to get as far away from my emotions as possible. I sat like that for a while more I faintly noticed the sun setting and rising again. I let out a relieved sigh, one day down, thousands more to go, I thought, shuddering. I had been wrong; nothing could distract me from this pain. It clouded my senses and I couldn't think right. It took me longer than usual to force myself get up and go downstairs so my family knew I was still living, kind of.

I walked down the two flights of stairs at a painfully slow pace, even for a human. Then went to the living room. Esme was in a chair, sketching something that looked like a blueprint. Tanya was on the couch next to her idly watching T.V.

_Oh, there's Edward, I wonder what I can do to help,_ thought Esme.

_I was beginning to think I wouldn't see him leave his room, _Tanya thought. I sat down on the farthest point from her on the couch wordlessly. At first I was grateful for the silence of their thoughts while I watched the bright light on the T.V flash, not really comprehending whatever was on it. Then I noticed that their thoughts weren't blank, just surprised to see me. Maybe I had been in my room longer than I thought? Oh well, it doesn't matter. Esme was the first to speak.

"Carlisle will be sorry he missed you," she said. "He just left for the hospital a hour ago." Huh, I would've thought I'd hear that. I didn't care much, other than the fact that I came down so everyone could see I hadn't left. Now I would have to make more painful contact, with Carlisle this time so he could see me.

"Oh," was all I mustered out.

_Women troubles? _Tanya joked hoping I would laugh. All I did was shrugged and she gave up when she realized my mood was irreversible. I sat like that for two hours before going back up to my room. Tomorrow I would start over again.

**A/N: There's angst-y Edward for you. How'd I do? Please review! **


	6. Moving

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Women troubles?_Tanya joked hoping I would laugh. All I did was shrugged and she gave up when she realized my mood was irreversible. I sat like that for two hours before going back up to my room. Tomorrow I would start over again._

***

October

Have days always been this long? They feel like years now, each one painstakingly slow. My routine has continued, everyday I go downstairs for at least one or two hours so they can see I still exist. I know they've noticed my visits downstairs have become shorter, as being with them has become more difficult. Emmett and Jasper did get me to hunt yesterday though. That didn't even hold my attention. I barely noticed the sweet nectar flow down my throat or the rush of wind through my hair. Needing another distraction I reached for my stereo remote and turned it on to whatever disk was in there.

I almost crushed the remote in my hands when I heard the song's opening notes.

Claire de Lune.

I didn't know what to do. I could feel my breaths get shorter and I covered my ears foolishly. As if that could stop me from hearing the soft melodies coming from the system. I had to stop it. If I was going to keep my promise I couldn't let _her_ favorite song keep playing. I couldn't get my legs to move and I had stopped breathing all together. Acting impulsively I picked up the clicker and whipped it straight at the stereo. It made impact with a loud bang and both shattered to pieces. The music had stopped but that didn't cease the flood of memories.

"_You…don't…want…me?" _

"_No." _

"_You…don't…want…me?" _

"_No." _

"_You…don't…want…me?" _

"_No." _

"_You…don't…want…me?" _

"_No." _

Over and over it replayed in my mind, her trembling voice and my harsh lie. Bella, Bella, Bella, I'm sorry, I love you. Was the only thought that accompanied the sickening memory.

"Edward?" I looked up to see Esme standing there.

"Yes," I mumbled.

"Are you okay?" Do I look okay? I wanted to ask but thought better of it. Esme was just trying to help.

_My poor son,_ she thought and remembered what she had just seen. It was I murmuring Bella's name over and over again. I hadn't realized I was saying those things out loud.

"What happened to your stereo?" she asked carefully.

"It broke" I responded.

_I wonder how…. no, I shouldn't ask that. He probably won't want to talk about it. _"Is there anything you need?" Bella, I almost said.

"No thank you Esme," I replied. Despite my assurance she came to sit next to me.

"Are you ready to leave?" she asked.

"Leave?" I wondered out loud.

"Yes" she agreed worriedly. "Remember, I told you about it days ago. We're going to our own residence up here. The one we use to live in before…" she cut herself off there.

"Oh. Right," I nodded like I remembered but truthfully I didn't recall her mentioning anything, actually I don't recall speaking at all. Also, now that I look up, most of my things were in gone and pondered if I had given anyone permission to pack them.

"Are you ready?"

"What about the others?" It was unlike Esme to leave them behind.

_Oh, dear has he not even noticed that? _"They left two days ago, Edward" she informed.

"Oh," funny, I would've thought I'd noticed that. "And the Denali's?"

"The rest went to join Irina on a hunting trip for a few days," she didn't dare say the other name. "They know we were grateful for letting us stay here until we got settled."

"Okay," she stood up and I did the same. I looked back on the room before grabbing the C.D that had survived the crash and slipped it in my pocket. I couldn't leave anymore of her behind.

The run there was silent, I didn't blame Esme for keeping to herself. I didn't give her much room for conversation. We reached the old wooden house where the others were. It looked like Esme had redecorated again, probably the reason why we stayed at Tanya's for so long. Everyone was there. Even Carlisle wasn't working. They all paused for the shortest second when they saw me before censoring their thoughts. I didn't care enough to see why and was about to excuse myself to my room before I remembered I hadn't had my dose of 'family contact' for the day. Internally sighing I sat on a reclining chair; farthest from Jasper hoping my raw emotions wouldn't drive him too crazy. I didn't bother trying to watch T.V again so I picked up a book on a coffee table in front of me and opened it up. I turned the page at human pace but didn't actually read it. The whole time I saw her face. I remembered her eyes and blush, but didn't go as far as thinking about her voice or laugh, I couldn't handle that. Even now this face behind my lids would be too much for me sometimes, and Jasper would eye me skeptically. Every time I would ignore him and movie my eyes across the page to feign reading.

I was half done with 'reading' the book when I let myself go upstairs. I set it down with the rest on the table before actually comprehending the title. I knew my family had been blocking me from something but just thought they didn't want me to hear they're pity. Now seeing the title I knew what they were trying desperately not to think.

I had spent the last hour 'reading' Romeo and Juliet.

Just. Great.

My jaw clenched and I knew they knew I had figured it out, but didn't care. I sprinted upstairs and tried to flee the thoughts of my beloved.

Like always I couldn't.

**A/N: Sorry it's kind of short but I didn't have a lot of time and want to finish before I go way to camp, hope you like it!**


	7. Leaving

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

_I had spent the last hour 'reading' Romeo and Juliet._

_Just. Great._

_My jaw clenched and I knew they knew I had figured it out, but didn't care. I sprinted upstairs and tried to flee the thoughts of my beloved._

_Like always I couldn't._

***

November

_Crinkle, crinkle, crinkle._

Something underneath me— paper maybe? —crunched. I fidgeted again, too stubborn to let the noise get to me.

_Crinkle, crinkle, crinkle._

The paper shifted under me once more. Maybe it was Emmett's idea of a joke to slip a note onto my couch when I wasn't looking, seeing as I didn't come out of my room much anymore. I didn't see the point. Annoyed, I slid over to see what kind of joke he thought was funny. As I moved the sound followed. I reached for my back pocket and wondered how he could have gotten it in there without me noticing. Pulling out the piece of paper I examined it. I wish I hadn't.

From the glance I saw it was a happier era. So much so that I couldn't grasp what it felt like now. For a second I wondered if it had actually happened. But the accompanying memories proved it true. I quickly looked away from a smiling Bella, Alice, and I. How could I not notice this about this? Had I been to for gone in my anguish to see the remembrance so close to me? The dreaded night I slipped it in my pocket, I knew I was leaving, and yet I was without a car and left it there. It made me wonder what else I was careless about…

No, I couldn't think like that. It's been almost two full months, she's moved on.

I thought about burning it, getting rid of the reminder all together. But I couldn't do that, nor did I want to. The idea of seeing Bella again was devastating yet secretly thrilling. Devastating because I vowed never to go back to her, so if I did get to see her, we would be dead and obviously in heaven. Not like that's a possibility for me. Thrilling because we were miles apart, but yet she has been in my head every second of every day, and any other clear reminder of her is a bitter sweet thrill. I loved what I saw but I can never have it. Only sit here covet it like the monster I am.

As much as I wanted to, I didn't allow myself to look at the brown-eyed beauty in the picture. All I had was that one glimpse and it almost had me running back to her. Carefully, I set the picture face down with a trembling hand on the side table in my room. Oh God, it still had her _scent _on it. How could I not notice _that? _The strawberry-freesias, tangy sweet scent was dull and faded, masked with my own aroma and laundry detergent. Yet it sent my mind through a whirlpool of action. It was worse than the fateful day in biology, because then the addict was just being introduced obsession. Now he was over due for another dose.

"Oh…my…God," I think I managed to croak out along with Bella's name a couple of times. The trembling in my hand now spread to my back and shoulders until my whole torso was shaking.

"Edward?" Carlisle called while his footsteps were fast approaching. I didn't respond, he knew where I was. Instead I controlled on getting the ferocious trembling of my upper body down to a minimum. "Edward?" he asked again nervously when he saw my state and swiftly sat next to me on the couch.

_At least he's moving now…_

"Carlisle…" I breathed.

"Yes? Son what is it?"

"Bella," he looked around and noticed her faint scent also. Carlisle's eyes narrowed on the picture, picked it up and looked it over. _It seems the odds are against him, _he thought to himself, it didn't stop my shudder.

"Do you want me to get rid of it?" he asked.

"No!" I practically yelled, "Just, not here." He understood and stood up and took the picture in a second I heard a draw close and he was back by me wavering side.

_Oh my, I can barely stand to watch this,_ he thought.

"You don't have to see this…me," I said after hearing his thoughts. He chuckled one grim humorless laugh and simply said, "What kind of father would I be if I didn't?"

That surprised me. I had always thought that Carlisle had been my father and Esme had been my mother. If you'd asked me, even presently, that's what I would've said. But I hadn't thought it about lately; there hadn't been much on my mind except one person. I groaned and Carlisle looked at me startled. "Come, hunt with me." His offer was more of a demand. I didn't have the motivation to argue because honestly, I didn't do much with my existence anymore.

"Okay." I nodded and we took off. Carlisle said little to others as we left and I said nothing. He remained silent until we had feasted enough to numb the burn in my throat I had forgotten was there. It wasn't until the sun was about to peak over the horizon—and unusual thing for Alaska—that he sat me down to talk.

"Edward, how are you? Truthfully,"

"I'm—"

_Edward, it's just you and me here. You don't have to lie for Esme's sake now. _ He knew me too well, but I still didn't want to worry _him._

"Fine," I replied, he raised one eyebrow skeptically. "Terrible," I mumbled, and it was a while before he settled his thoughts.

_Tell me what I can do to help,_ he pleaded.

"Nothing," I replied, too honestly. His face dropped and I looked into his eyes. He was frowning and looked dejected. For God's sake! I was hurting _Carlisle_! I really wasn't doing this family any good, just another burden. I had to take myself out of the equation.

So I'll leave, because that's all I'm good for these days, leaving.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, "I'm not doing you any good—this family any good. I don't want to see everyone like this. I need to do something. I have to leave," I had expected the words to come out as awkward and regretful has when I left for my 'rebellion' period. They didn't though, I knew I will miss them, but it seems I don't have strong ties to anything anymore.

Carlisle thoughts also flashed to that time, decades ago. I knew he would let me, he did then he will now. It doesn't mean that stopped his sigh.

_Edward you don't have to leave, we want you here, _he told me. I snorted.

"I'm not blind, Carlisle, I've seen the look on Jasper's face when I'm to close, or Esme when she lingers by my door. I need to go," I said stubbornly, forcefully.

_It doesn't surprise me, I suppose. I knew he wouldn't be able to keep up that routine. _"Where will you go?" he wondered out loud.  I hadn't even thought about that; what _would_ I do? Traveling wouldn't hold my interest, nor would visiting another clan. I ran through a couple more ideas but nothing seemed to be good a distraction. Maybe I could go back, just to check on her… No, I couldn't do that to her. She promised she would be safe, and I trusted her.

But that didn't stop the reminders of all the life threatening things that has happened to her. Tyler's van, Port Angeles, _me, _the tracker, it made me feel a little at ease knowing that I had eliminated them all. Except for…_Victoria._

From the short time I read her thoughts she relied on James completely. She had no doubt that it was possible for her to lose, and although I didn't catch any hateful thoughts toward Bella personally, as I did from James, she still pursued her, with fierce determination and didn't choose the way Laurent did. And for threatening Bella, she had to die, too. It was a perfect distraction too. I could track—something I've never done before—and take care of Bella.

"Victoria," I hissed thinking of the new plan.

_Here? _Carlisle thought frantically and I shook my head vigorously.

"No, she'll be gone soon," I growled.

_I'm sorry son, I'm afraid I don't follow your train of thought._

"That's what I'll do, I'm going to track Victoria," I explained.

_And kill her? _he frowned.

"Yes. I'm sorry, Carlisle, but it's something I have to do. I can't let that risk be out there, since last spring…"

"I understand." he cut me off. Still not completely at ease with my decision, I was grateful for the respect Carlisle gave me. He let do things my own way when I found necessary.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Are you leaving now?" he asked.

"No, I think I should say goodbye first, I need to gather some things before I go," he nodded and we decided it was time to go.

Alice was waiting for me when I arrived home.

_You're leaving? _she thought.

"Yes," I replied.

_To hunt Victoria._

"Yes."

_That's stupid_, she grumbled.

"What do you suppose I do then?" Once I said those words I wish I hadn't. Apparently I left my filter with my heart too.

_Go back to her, _she demanded.

"You know I can't do that," I argued.

_Yes you can, _countered Alice, _and you will, eventually. Then I'll get my best friend back._

"I told you not to look," I growled back.

_I don't need to. _I wouldn't admit to her how true her words were.

"Alice, this may be one of those times where I am willing to take a bet with you," I bluffed, my words going out of my mouth before I could think about them. Alice snorted.

_Good luck with that, _she thought, and instead of walking away, plopped down on a couch awaiting my announcement. I was about to open my mouth but Jasper and Emmett walked in to see me out of my room, followed by Esme, Rosalie and Carlisle.

They all sat down and looked expectantly at me.

_You came out of your room? For what do we owe this honor? _spat Rosalie.

_I can't believe he went hunting without me! _Emmett was pouting.

_The agony and sorrow, it's still there and has strong as ever. But there's something behind it, determination maybe? _I heard from Jasper.

_The look in Carlisle's eyes, and Edward's too! I have a bad feeling about this_,thought Esme. She always had a mother's intuition.

"I'm leaving," I blurted, once again not thinking about what I was saying.

_I swear if that idiot makes me move again…_Rosalie almost started to snarl.

_No, I can't lose my son again,_ Esme thought and I felt horrid for doing this to her. But it was going to make her other four children as happy as before. In the end it would be for the best.

_Where? _"Where?" asked Emmett.

"I thought I would try my hand at tracking," I admitted.

"Tracking who?" it was Jasper that spoke this time.

"Victoria. I have to do something to make sure she's okay." They all knew who I was talking about.

"Awesome! I am so going! That James didn't put up much of a fight. _This_ will be better than any grizzly," Emmett was smiling eagerly like a kid on Christmas.

"I'm sorry Emmett, I have to do this on my own," I apologized and watched his grin fade into a frown.

"C'mon Edward, I can't miss out on this," he whined.

"I'm sorry, Emmett," I repeated again coldly. There must have been something in my eyes that told him no because he didn't ask again. He just sank deeper in his chair and sulked. _Can't do anything fun with my kid brother anymore. _

Jasper felt terrible about being relieved. He wanted to see me happy but found it comforting that he wouldn't have to drown in my emotions. If only it were that easy for me.

_Edward, please, don't leave us again, what can I do to make you stay? _Esme's thoughts were similar to Carlisle's.

"I don't think there's anything you can do. I need to do this," I looked at her.

_We'll miss you, it won't be the same without you here._

"It's for the best," I told her, but she disagreed in her mind.

_You will call, won't you? _she asked.

"Yes," I said not promising a number.

_Promise me you will come back_, she demanded.

"Yes, of course," I said trying to ignore the feeling in the pit of my stomach that said I was lying.

_When are you leaving?_

"As soon as possible, I'll need some things. My wallet, my phone, then I'll go."

"Why so soon?" She frowned.

"The sooner the better" I muttered, going to gather my supplies with one little shred of hope that this distraction will work because nothing else has.

**A/N: Aww poor Esme. Please review!**

**Reviews=happy author. Happy author=faster chapters! **

**BN: does Edward seem emo to anyone?** 


	8. Tracking

"_Why so soon?" She frowned._

"_The sooner the better" I muttered, going to gather my supplies with one little shred of hope that this distraction will work because nothing else has._

***

December

I took a deep breath and desperately tried to seek out the cherry, sage scent of my new prey. The wilds of Nevada were layered with a blanket of snow. Alice had told me to go to Montana to pick up her scent from there. I had left with the clothes on my back, wallet and phone. If I thought this was going to be easy with my extra skill, then I was dead wrong. I also thought it would be a good distraction, and it isn't. I have found that nothing can distract me from the phantom pain of my heart. Tracking is more of an obligation now; I _must_ find Victoria. Unfortunately I didn't have much to go off of, seeing as tried to minimize the help of Alice. From my short experience with Victoria I barely remember her odd unappealing scent and didn't focus on her thoughts. She wasn't much to listen to.

_What a weird family, can barely call them vampires! Playing with their food without any intention of killing it. James will get her easily. A pity too, he does enjoy the hunt. _She had thought in an unusual high squeaky soprano voice. Her scent had faded a while ago and I ran in the trees close to town listening for her thoughts.

_I've gotten Jimmy's and Linda's gifts, what do I get for Helen? _

_I hope I get that new truck. _

_Should I propose tonight? Or is it too cheesy on Christmas? _So today is Christmas, I did notice the clam tenor to the populace thoughts. Deciding that I should call home I pulled out my phone and dialed the number it rang twice before Carlisle answered.

"Hello?" he said.

"Carlisle, it's Edward."

"Oh hello Edward! Esme will be happy you called, are you having any trouble?" he replied.

"No, I'm doing fine" I lied. "I called to say Merry Christmas."

"Of course, Edward. Merry Christmas, Esme would like to talk to you," informed Carlisle before he handed the phone to Esme.

"Merry Christmas Edward," Esme greeted warmly with a sad undertone.

"Merry Christmas," I tried to sound as normal as possible.

"How are you?" she asked.

"Good," I stated shortly not knowing if she believed me or not.

"Will you come home soon?" she pleaded quietly.

"I…don't know, not until Victoria is gone," I said hesitantly.

"How far have you gone?"

"I am in Nevada."

"Be safe, son, we love you. Merry Christmas, and return to us soon," she commanded.

"Good bye," I returned not able to say the words 'I love you' possibly ever again.

With that I couldn't block out my own thoughts anymore. My barriers cracked and I allowed myself to think about her. I didn't care that it would be more painful when I barricaded my mind once more as I let myself drown in her name. I wondered what she was doing. Hopefully she had forgotten all about me has I intended to. Maybe she went to visit Renée for the holidays or possible enjoying it with Jessica and Angela. Maybe, dare I say, a new love interest like Mike Newton or Tyler Crowley? No, I would think she would have better taste than the Newton boy and the one who almost crushed her. I yearned to go back to her, I would go through her window like I used to. I would tell her I was an idiot for thinking I could live without her and how I dreadfully sorry I am. Then—if she hadn't kicked me out—I would literally get on my knees and _beg_ for her forgiveness, for her to take me back. I wondered if she would like this new me. The savage Edward that hides from his family and frantically tracks another vampire. I doubted it, seeing as I am very different now. I no longer glow with the love I gave to Bella. I decided she wouldn't like this new me, if the old Edward wasn't good enough for her than surely new Edward isn't. In my ideal world she would take me back. Being the selfless forgiving person that she is. The idea—although highly unlikely—was so perfect, so _healing_ that I let myself savor the feeling before I closed the crack that I let form in my barriers and felt the gape in my chest throb more than before.

_Victoria. Tracking. Focus. _

I sighed and began to run again. I made a loop around the town without hearing her thoughts, or anyone thinking of her. No authorities had been called in from a recent death, so she hadn't hunted. I made my way back deeper into the forest where Victoria's scent lays. I found it quickly and followed again until where it faded. Damn it, I had no idea what to do when you lose your prey's scent. And I was about to give up when the gentle breeze of the wind came from the south carry the smell I was looking for, and I was running within a tenth of a second.

_Victoria. Get Victoria. _

Following her trail it seemed the she was trying to veer in before something chased her out. Or maybe she was trying to dodge someone? It doesn't matter as long as I find her.

I followed her to Utah where her trail mingled into the city. She had most likely gotten thirsty but I had to wait until nightfall to go search. The sun directly overhead shining down and my pallid skin broke out into millions of diamond like rainbows. I receded in a small ditch in the shadows; I was nothing more than a monster hiding from the sun.

_Your beautiful_, Bella voice came into my mind. Oh how I longed to hear her voice again…

_Tracking. Focus, _I reminded and quickly banished the thought. I decided to figure out what I would do when the sunset. I would search the city first to see if anyone was thinking of her, or better yet, her thoughts. If I had no luck I would go alleyways, rivers, anywhere where she could hide the bodies of her latest catch. Soon the darkness took over and I went into town picking up old habits from my nomad days like avoiding people all together.

Eventually I came across a drained body behind an abandon warehouse. I felt revolted looking at his limp body that Victoria had posed to look like he had an alcohol overdose with a beer bottle in his hand. But relieved also at the thought of coming this close to her. Soon she will be gone and Bella will be completely safe. I picked up her scent once more and followed it back into the forest.

I knew where she would go next. There was a hunting ground about fifty miles from here. For her it would be an easy catch and place to hide the body. If I traveled there fast enough maybe I could stop her before the kill. I mindlessly propelled myself forward trying to not think about anything. It was harder said than done. The colors of the forest all had links to _her. _

_Brown is _warm, Bella had told me. _There's too much green,_ she had murmured in her sleep. Maybe if I went back at night…

_Stop. Victoria. Hunting. Focus. _

I sighed, what had I been thinking? Oh right, Bella will be safe.

That's the only reason why I continued to push my legs faster.

**A/N: How do you like Edward's hunting excursion? Review! Review! Review! **


	9. Distraction

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Brown is_ warm,_ _Bella had told me._ There's too much green_,_ _she had murmured in her sleep. Maybe if I went back at night…_

Stop. Victoria. Hunting. Focus.

_I sighed, what had I been thinking? Oh right. Bella will be safer._

_That was the only reason why I continued to push my legs faster._

***

January

I had been following Victoria's trail for about two months…and what have I accomplished? Nothing! That showed how useless. I was back to the starting point now, in Montana. I could only hope she was here, too.

The sun was setting over the horizon and if I wanted to find Victoria's latest kill, I would have to hunt, myself. I set off further into the trees to find whatever animal would numb the fire in my throat. Hunting, like running, didn't hold much distraction for me anymore. I still didn't notice the sweet taste of the carnivores. I found two elk before I had to take care of my only other priority.

Quickly I pulled my phone out from my pant pocket and dialed the number and waited for the ringing to stop.

"Hello?" It was Rosalie who answered this time.

"Rosalie, is Carlisle there?" I inquired.

"Edward?" she asked.

"Yes."

"It's about time you called. I'm tired of everyone waiting by the phone for you. This is stupid all for some hu—"

"Put Carlisle on," I ordered. I couldn't take Rosalie's venting, especially if she referred to Bella as _some human_, again. How could she see her outer beauty clearly—maybe even too clearly—and yet look at Bella as _plain?_

"Fine. But you're being ridiculous. It's not like your coming close to finding Vic—" I snapped the phone shut not wanting to hear her words anymore. If Carlisle or Esme wanted to talk to me, then it was Rosalie's damn fault they didn't get a chance to. My phone buzzed and _Home _flashed across the screen. I merely scowled at it, not letting myself be put to Rosalie's criticism again. The vibrations eventually ended, only to start again. This time, _Carlisle _was on the caller ID. I hesitated but eventually answered it, promising myself that if it were Rosalie, I would most certainly throw it into a tree.

"Hello," I mumbled.

"Edward." My phone was saved, it was Carlisle.

"Yes?"

"How are you doing?" he asked. "Getting closer?"

"No," I replied icily. "I'm back in Montana again."

"I see," sighed Carlisle. "Do you need help? Surely Emmett and Jasper would come. Even I would be willing," he offered.

"I need to do this alone," I told him again.

"All right," he agreed. "Before I go, though, Alice needs to speak with you." Alice had already grabbed the phone from him before I could protest.

"So are we going back anytime soon?" she asked sullenly with a hint of hope.

"Wouldn't you know?" I countered my voice without emotion. I couldn't remember how to at least fake emotion since the day in the forest.

"I can dream, can't I?" she argued dejectedly. When I didn't respond, she continued. "Do you want help?"

"No," I said flatly.

"But it would—"

"No."

I rejected her help for two reasons. One, because I morbidly wanted to have victory in my own hands. Two, if she helped, then this would go faster. And even though this isn't much of a distraction, it's still _something. _It doesn't make the hole in my chest hurt less but I am still protecting her. It's a connection to her.

I could hear Alice pout over the phone.

"Fine," she said.

"Goodbye, Alice," I said before hanging up.

I prepared myself to start my dreary task again and had the brief thought of quitting all together and finding another distraction. What had I done before her? I couldn't remember. My memories were almost as foggy as human ones without her to brighten the colors.

_Stop. Tracking. Victoria. Go,_ I commanded myself and took off running into the city. I found her prey easily and the sight I saw was not a welcomed one. She had gotten another camper, around the age of twenty with brown curly hair, placed in the middle of the woods. He was alone; reinforcements would call it a bear attack. I shivered this story was all too much like Emmett's. Only Emmett's is a lucky one with a happy ending. I shook the thought from my head quickly when I noticed I wasn't just thinking about the camper any more.

His wallet was peeking out of the backpack he was wearing and it was covered in Victoria's scent. I opened to find only his ID without any money. Why would she want his money? Victoria never bought anything—she took the shirt from her last victim, and obviously she doesn't need trivial matters like food. Similar to her travel path, this wasn't making any sense. My brain was still working through the haze that has been there for the last five months, which didn't help anything.

_It doesn't matter,_ I told myself. _As long as I keep Bella safe. She can steal all money she wants. _I knew what I was thinking went against Carlisle's teaching, and that I should some how return the money to the victim's family. But I pushed the thought out of my mind; it was too depressing to think of how I was letting Carlisle down. I refocused on the one thing that could still help me protect Bella. Tracking Victoria wasn't the best distraction, but it's easiest, surprisingly. Anything that keeps me connected to Bella without hurting her was the only thing I could focus on. Only it _would_ be nice just to check on her. Maybe just to see...

_Tracking. Victoria._

The pain in my heart throbbed more and I huffed. Not even the easiest of diversions can _really_ help. It only takes up the minute that can partly focus on anything other than her face, her eyes, her smell—

_Stop! Focus._

The wind cooperatively blew then, throwing at me the scent of the particular vampire I was out for. Heaving myself from the ground at human pace I headed west where the trail led me. I tried to block out the voice in my head that was telling me I was going father away from _her. _I couldn't go back now; she doesn't deserve it.

_Tracking. Focus,_ I chanted to myself for the thousandth time. I would probably listen too.

If I could.

**A/N: Poor Edward, he takes one step forward and three steps back. I bet reviews will cheer him up—well they do to me at least. Review fast if you want chapters fast! Thanks! **


	10. New Lead

Stop! Focus.

_The wind cooperatively blew then, throwing at me the scent of the particular vampire I was out for. Heaving myself from the ground at human pace I headed west where the trail led me. I tried to block out the voice in my head that was telling me I was going father away from_ her_. __I couldn't go back now; she doesn't deserve it._

Tracking. Focus, _I chanted to myself for the thousandth time. I would probably listen too._

_If I could._

***

February

Today was the one-hundredth and forty-ninth day without her and I was through counting them. Now each second was has painful as days used to be and it took every ounce of my self-control to stay on task. I was wandering Utah at the moment, moping about the loss of Victoria's trail once again. My hand twitched toward the phone in my pocket, debating whether or not I should call Alice, just for a hint. I decided against it in the end. I wasn't prepared for another call home and wanted to avoid extra contact. I continued to walk aimlessly among the dark streets of a city I hadn't taken enough interest in to name. Most of the citizens were sleeping, so my guess was that it's a weekday, but there are some who are also in the streets as well.

_Man I'm tired, and have work tomorrow; a sick day would be nice. _

_Was his number 873-0212 or 783-2102? _

_Almost home, I knew I shouldn't have walked to Jeff's house. My Gosh that man sure is handsome, _my head snapped up when I saw my face in her mind. She was staring discreetly at me on the opposite side of the street. She was tall, thin, with blond hair and averted her blue eyes when I caught her staring. This woman had no likeness to Bella, than why did she remind me of her? I looked across the street again and then I saw it. In her blue eyes was the same spark in Bella's brown ones. They were full of love and happiness and I wondered if Bella's were still too. Or did that spark belong to someone else now? I pushed that thought away seeing as it sent another stab through my silent heart.

"Excuse me?" I blinked back into reality. I hadn't noticed that the girl was now approaching me and I stared at her emotionlessly. "Excuse me?" she asked again and I realized I had to answer.

"Yes" my voice, sounded cold and foreign, even to me.

"Are you lost?" she asked and I looked into her thoughts. Suddenly questioning her motives, though I didn't know why. _He_ is _handsome, a little too perfect though. And his eyes, so sad, like someone died. Poor thing. _

"No," I said shortly a little shocked that someone was feeling bad for me, and a human at that. She wasn't sure how to respond.

_Oh, he doesn't _seem _dangerous. Maybe if he wanted too, why is he so sad? I probably shouldn't pry. Does he need help?_ Every once in a while I meet, or rather hear someone who is purely good, like this women's or Angela Weber's or...

_Stop. _

I saw my shoulders fall a little in her mind. Her thoughts were quite loud—or maybe I wasn't used to hearing thoughts?

"Do you need any help?" she asked concerned again.

"No thank you. I fine," I said making eye contact with her when I saw that her thoughts weren't as vulgar as others I have heard this late at night.

_I guess I should get home, Jeff always warns me about being out this late alone. I don't want to worry him. _"Alright, be careful. I'll be off now," she gave up and walked away.

She was a good person, and apparently Jeff was a great match for her. The young woman reminded me that those feelings, happiness, love, still existed. Although I don't think it would be possible for be to feel them again. Seeing as even the words felt distant and gave me a feeling in my chest that's a million times worse than one of Emmett's punches. I sighed feeling doomed to be alone again, without true satisfaction.

But it was worth it—all of it. No feelings of loneliness or despair could compare to the ones of pleasure or delight than my time with Bella. I just wish I didn't put her in harm's way. I had once thought I could protect her, be her "guardian vampire". What a moronic thought that had been. With eighty years at this life I should have known, even vegetarians are dangerous.

_Focus. Tracking. _

I moved back into the forest to hunt again. The only reason why I did was the hope that if I did find Victoria, I would have to be strong to fight her.

***

After I finished my meal I sat looking at the stars for a while, procrastinating honestly. The lights didn't seem very bright to me but then again, nothing did anymore. I was really looking at the flawless picture behind my lids, how I missed her. It wasn't even that I missed only her. There was more. I missed Forks--_home_. I missed sneaking into her room late at night. I missed how her smile made going through high school—going through this _existence_ all worthwhile. I missed how easy it had been to subsist when she was around. How my music sounded happier when I thought of her. How the colors looked brighter. Nothing was the same without her.

Sure, I could go back to my family. But it I wouldn't be the same person. I left the pieces my heart with her I couldn't be the same individual knowing how much better this existence could be. It wasn't possible to go back with the memories of her and then to see my family continue blissfully with their partners. I didn't want to rain on their parade, everything is better off without me around.

I wondered if this was all worth it but then I had a reoccurring memory. It was a vision of Alice's; Bella's cold, lifeless body limp and drained of blood. The worst part: it was my doing. Yes, that's why I am doing this; to prevent _that. _

I gazed back up at the sky with my vision still clouded with the most beautiful creature ever and I noticed that there was no moon, ironically. It matched my mood, never—even in my rebellious years—have I been in a darker time than I was now. I couldn't focus on the stars, only the dark place in the sky where something was missing. I sighed. The moon would come back soon. But Bella wont.

The flood of pain that came over me was unbearable. I needed to do something, to release it in some way. I needed to continue with my distraction, but I couldn't remember how to move my legs. I shook my head fiercely like it would some how discharge the grief. I had to do something or surely I would drown under the agony and wouldn't resurface.

_Buzz, buzz, buzz, _I could hear something in the background of the waves of pain.

_Buzz, buzz, buzz_, I heard it again what could be vibrating in a forest? It was like no animal sound I have ever heard before. As I concentrated on it the buzzing sound was helping me resurface though.

_Buzz, buzz, buzz_, vibrations on my leg accompanied the sound now. My phone. Right. I answered it quickly without seeing who it was.

"Edward," Alice's voice was stern.

"Yes," came my voice, flatly. She sighed on the other line.

"Good" she said more to herself. "If I didn't call you, you would've taken down half the forest."

"Oh," was all I replied.

"Would you mind telling me _why _you would have done that?" she asked.

"No," I said and she huffed.

"Edward you're unbelievable. I can't keep track of you anymore."

"Then don't."

"Yeah right," she snorted, but there was a hint of sadness in her tone. "I don't trust you that much," she challenged, I didn't respond. "Carlisle and Esme are looking for you," she informed. "I guess I'll talk to you later," I could've sworn she said _I hope_ under her breath but I didn't think anything of it.

"Bye," Alice said then hung up. After some time I realized that when she had said Carlisle and Esme were looking for me, she wanted me to call them. After all this time I still haven't gotten used to my almost human paced brain. I called their home in Alaska quickly.

The phone call was uneventful, as usual. I talked to Esme and she told me that she missed me and that she hoped I would come back soon. I lied and told her I would try to but knew she wouldn't want me back. I didn't want to ruin their bliss with my anguish, like I did to Bella. Neither of them deserved that.

_Tracking. Go. _

I had spent too much time putting this off. I had to find Victoria, and quick before she could get to close to Washington.

After hours of running I had heard some else. It was a vampire and I peeked into their thoughts. It wasn't Victoria, unfortunately but it was the next best thing. I didn't get close to this other vampire but I got close enough to hear his or her encounter with her.

_That redhead had a great idea. I don't know why I didn't think of that before. Going down to Rio for the Carnival. So many humans will be there. No one will notice who goes missing, and with all that adrenalin from the parties will make for a great meal. Hopefully I can meet up with her again, she would do good for a coven. _I stopped dead in my tracks; it was Victoria who this other nomad was thinking about. I had been so blind; of course with the Carnival coming up in Rio it was not only a human attraction, but a vampire one too. Determination surged through me as I took a different path down to South America so I wouldn't have to cross trails with the nomad. I would be down there soon, and find Victoria quickly. Bella would finally be safe.

That's all that matters.

**Posting: A/N: Hey I hope this chapter makes up for some of my other crappy ones. I hope I managed to stay in character though. BTW did anyone see the New Moon clip on MTV? I'll put the link on my profile if you didn't, its amazing, I cant wait for the movie. Please review! **


	11. A Farewell To Meaning

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight books, or extras, or characters **

**A/N: PLEASE READ. Okay so last chapter was my final chapter of Edward tracking because March is when Bella jumped off the cliff…and well you know the rest. So it seemed natural to end it there. But I will be doing an epilogue at the end to follow up what happened with Victoria and everything (you'll see). Anyways Stephenie Meyer wrote an extra called **_**Rosalie's News**_** that is when Rosalie tells Edward Bella is dead (the link is below if you need it.) Since I cant compete with SMeyer's writing, obviously. This takes place right after where she ends the extra. **

**Link to Rosalies News-http:// stepheniemeyer. com/ pdf/ nm_extras_rosalie. pdf (just take out the spacing) **

**On with the story!**

'"_Swan residence," answered a voice I'd never heard before. A man's husky_ _voice, deep, but still youthful._

_I didn't pause to think about the implications of that._

"_This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen," I said, perfectly imitating my father's voice. "May I_ _please speak to Charlie?"_

"_He's not here," the voice responded, and I was dimly surprised by the anger in it. _

_The words were almost a snarl. But that didn't matter._

"_Well, where is he then?" I demanded, getting impatient._

_There was a short pause, as if the stranger wanted to withhold the information_

_from me._

"_He's at the funeral," the boy finally answered._

_I shut the phone again.'_

_--Stephenie Meyer, Rosalie's News Extra-- _

_"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything. "_

_--Edward Cullen, New Moon pg 514_

_***_

Everything I knew, I learned, I cared about, disappeared at that moment.

"_He's at the funeral'_

It couldn't be…

"_He's at the funeral"_

She promised…

"_He's at the funeral"_

It's not possible…

"_He's at the funeral"_

Charlie. At the _funeral._

_Bella's funeral._

No! No! No! No! No!

That sent my frozen body in a fury. My fist flew down through the floorboards with a bang. I didn't care who heard. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore. The pain that overtook me was the worst. If I had thought I had been in agony in these past six months, it was nothing compared to this, because when life brings you to your highest, you only have further to fall. My vision blurred and I felt myself succumbing to the anguish. My thoughts were delirious. My mind was at a struggle with itself.

_She's dead, nothing matter._

_No! She promised. _

That part of me that wanted to have faith that she was still alive was quickly faltering. The young adult on the phone confirmed it.

_He's at the funeral._

Never has four words brought more grief to anyone. Ever.

I realized that I had been vibrating with tearless sobs since I shut of the phone. Waves of pain were crashing over me; each brought more suffering than the last. When I thought my body couldn't hold any more another wave struck me.

The careful barriers of my mind collapsed then, at the worst time possible. Everything came flooding back to me. The good _and _bad.

_I love you._

_It doesn't matter to me what you are._

_I want answers; I'm not giving up on this._

_Kiss me?_

_I want you—forever. _

_Will you come over tonight?_

_You…don't…want me?_

I groaned; there was no antidote for this ache. I would do anything—trade everything to stop it, to have her back in the same world as me. I would withstand the worst--a thousand transformations, a million blows to the stomach by Emmett.

The strings that held me to this world snapped. I could live in a world with her in it, even if I couldn't have her. But a world without Bella was no world at all.

The worst part: I had left her with a lie.

_You...don't…want me?_

_No._

She died thinking I didn't love her, thinking I didn't want her. It was my fault. I shouldn't of left. I should have stayed, near to Forks to make sure nothing harmed her. I could have stopped whatever had driven her off the wretched cliff. But I didn't. Now I had driven my angel away from me. I'd never, ever, know love, happiness, joy, or contentment again.

Bella was my meteor. She was bright and brilliant giving everything else life when she was around. No stars in the sky—or even the moon and sun itself could compete. Like any other reason of my life could never compare to her. My meteor has fallen across the horizon; I had spent too much time gazing upon its beauty that when it faded. I was left blinded by its splendor. It wasn't that I couldn't see the stars—but that they have ceased to exist all together. She would always be my love, my reason.

My faded meteor.

I was out of the old rugged attic and into the woods before my mind could comprehend what I was doing. I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing but I still ran. I tried to run from reality and something in the back of my mind was telling I had to keep tracking, but I scarcely remembered who, or what I was tracking. Everything was meaningless now.

I couldn't remember _why_ I had continued to exist. I couldn't remember _what_ was so important to me. I didn't know what I did in these past months or why I did it. The only thing I could remember was one reason, one person, one face, and she was gone.

Eventually my legs collapsed underneath me from the pain and I gave up with them. I didn't bother even trying to get up again; there was no point. Every memory flew by my mind faster than I would like. Every smile, every laugh, every heartbeat, every flinch, I remembered. There was one day though, that haunted me more than the rest. It was far worse than the day in the woods, it was the day I failed to keep my promise to Bella; I failed to keep her safe.

The day had started out normal with playful bantering. I had agreed to watch Romeo and Juliet with her and that bought her a few extra hours before Alice forced her to a birthday party. We talked for a while before the movie started and I found that she had some sort of fascination with Romeo. Bella really should've stayed away with characters out of movies, horror films especially. Finally she settled in my arms—it was almost too much to remember the sensation—and we watched the movie. Like she said, Bella had started to cry. Also, to my surprise I saw how protective she had gotten when I thought about making plans to due myself in if I didn't kill James in time.

_How _could I have forgotten that? My escape plans to this sorry existence had been forgotten and pushed aside with the grief that came with news of her death (I could barely think the word). Now that I remembered, the idea _almost_ exhilarated me. Of course, I couldn't go to the same heaven as Bella, but there could be a stop to the sorrow. I didn't want to live in a world without her in it. The fates would get their kicks in, hell would have enough pain – as Carlisle had once preached, hell was virtually a burning pit of fire. Good – I just hoped it would be painful _enough _to compensate for all my transgressions. There was also that tatter of hope, too, hope that somehow Carlisle's beliefs were right and that monsters like me did have a chance at heaven.

I flung myself to the nearest international airport. I traveled through the crowds in a blur and was thankful that most humans kept their distance. From spiders to humans, they all have the same instincts, to keep away from creatures like me. Except for one. _Her. _I shuddered.

I found my way to the front desk quickly and was accompanied by a female in her mid-thirties. I couldn't say what her features were; I didn't really see. I used most of my concentration to look at Bella behind my lids once I had gotten a sour feeling that even the recollection was slipping away.

"One ticket to Volterra, Italy," I stated. The woman was frightened by my demanding tone and harsh expression. If only she knew that my tone wasn't demanding but desperate and my expression was actually tortured than maybe she would've understood, but I doubt that. "Please," I added, trying to lighten my voice, not succeeding though.

"Yes, sir," she fumbled around with her computer and I gripped the counter tightly. Each second that ticked by broke the shattered pieces of my heart more.

"The next flight to Italy is tomorrow night at seven, sir," she said in a thickly Spanish accent. I hadn't even thought about what tongue I was speaking. I had just thrown the words at her to get to my final destination. I got my wallet out quickly and gave her an extra bribe.

"Maybe you could squeeze me in? I don't have much," I asked. She looked down at the money I gave her.

_¿Quinientos dólares? ¡Hay mucho dinero!_

"Yes, sir! There is one flight, it leaves in ten minutes."

"That will be fine, thank you," I said blankly. The ticket couldn't print fast enough and I rudely grabbed it the second it was out. I had to remind myself to run at human pace. I wasn't running to my flight, but it relief from this twinge.

There was something about awaiting your own death that made security go impossibly slow. Finally I broke through the horde and briskly made my way on the plane. Impolitely ignoring the boarding hostess as I got on. I was graced with a window seat in which I shut and huddled myself in the corner to appear has if I was sleeping to the elderly man next to me. Truthfully, I was between grieving over the loss of Bella—many times I had to control myself because I was in the public for the first time in a long time—and deciding what to do when I arrived. I would have to purchase a coat and hat of some sort to shield myself from the sun. Then I would most likely walk there, seeing as the car wouldn't make it make to its owner if I rented one. It wouldn't be hard to get into their palace, although I had never met the Volturi and their guard personally. Carlisle did keep in contact and visit them after I was turned. It would be an unusual request and no doubt they would be angry to have heard that I told their secret but it didn't matter. Nothing would endanger Bella all I loved was dead.

After one stop in a country of which I did not know the name I heard the pilot over the speaker and in many languages he announced.

"Welcome to Volettera."

**Posting: A/N: Tada! No you know where the title came from. Sorry that took so long, I wanted to make this chapter nearly perfect seeing as it is a pivotal point in the story. Review and tell me what parts you thought were good, bad, needed work, etc.**


	12. A Favor

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight **

_After one stop in a country of which I did not know the name I heard the pilot over the speaker and in many languages he announced:_

"_Welcome to Volterra."_

***

I pushed passed the other passengers in a daze and quickly made my way into the airport. I barely noticed the other people buzzing by busily. Why should I? None of it mattered anymore. I was faced with a dilemma that was the sun. It would set in just over three hours, I knew, but still was disgruntled by the fact that I had to wait. The thoughts that buzzed in my head were too much for me to hear. They were too casual, too happy, and too unaware of the personal hell that I was going through and walked by without a second thought.

I managed to escape security and go the back entrance of the hospital where I waited for what seemed like eternity—it could have been for all I knew—for a miniscule cloud to pass in front of the sun. Just for enough time so I could make my way into the alleyways of Volterra's suburbs. I made by way stealthy to my refuge.

The sun was falling over the horizon when I reached the city—a side effect from having to travel at a brisk human walk. I was nearing the castle now, and hopefully my death.

_It's twilight… the safest time of day for us, the easiest time, but also the saddest in way. The end of another day, the return of night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?_

It was another era then. Everything had seemed easier. Nothing was safe now, nothing was predictable, and I had been looking at it wrong back then. Bella had been there to make things appear bright and optimistic. Darkness was far from predictable; sorrow and grief accompanied it. Stalking about in the corners, it wasn't easy, but it hadn't been for months now. I was right in one way, though; it's the saddest, always the saddest.

_The stars are lovely tonight, _a pedestrian thought as she walked. I angled my head up to see the sky had lapsed into darkness.

I couldn't see the stars she thought off.

I remembered a time when I could see the stars, even a meteor before they came out. When my sun had shone, right in the middle of midnight. But my meteor had faded the stars disappeared and the sun fell over the horizon with promise of no return.

Despite all the time I had to think about it, I wasn't sure how to approach the Volturi. I stood frozen outside the gates for some time trying to conjure a plan. I had heard of their gifts—Aro's, especially. I suspected that he would like to see my story; I felt that would be easier. I could barely think about what happen to Bella, let alone say it. It wasn't the fact that I was scared, I just didn't want to give up hope. Rosalie and the boy on the phone established the truth—I would never forget it, their words have haunted me every second.

_He's at the funeral._

_She's dead, Edward._

I would have to be blunt; there was no use to lying to Aro after all. I sighed and took a step forward, leading me to the Volterra fortress.

Because I had nothing else to live for.

I met to guards at the door who were already wary of my presence from my lingering outside the gate. I returned their eying with a blank stare and said:

"Good day, sir, is the castle still opened?"

"For tours only," the human guard on the right said, with a thick accent.

"Yes, you see, I am a very close friend of the inhabitants."

"I cannot let you through without a pass," he stated again before the huge wooden door slid open. I was looking on the face that had only appeared in thoughts and pictures.

"I have it, thank you, Joseph," Felix told him in Italian before gesturing for me to enter. His thoughts were curious; Aro had sent him with the suspicion that Carlisle had sent me to attack. Felix was tall and heavily muscled—about the size of Emmett. His skin was pale but with an olive undertone that may have been because he had darker skin when human. Like the rest of the Volturi, he followed their diet, which gave him dark red eyes that were almost as black as his short hair.

"Am I finally meeting Carlisle's son, Edward?" In his thoughts he snorted at the word son. Felix thought it was only a matter of time before we killed each other.

"Yes," I responded.

"What business has brought you here?" He wondered why I had been lingering around the front gates for a great amount of time. I had thought I was only standing there for minutes. I was now seeing it was more like hours.

"I would like to discuss a favor from Aro, if you will," I replied. If I had asked Felix right then and there—even if he had complied—it would have caused mistrust to my family, and I didn't want to leave anything behind—just the pain.

"I'm sure he will be pleased to be finally meet you." He nodded, still rigid and expectant of an attack. "Right this way." He walked by my side cautious for me to assault him.

Felix led me out of the foyer and passed a more modern reception room where a human worked. Carlisle had told me about the humans who were brought here in hope of being turned, so much so that they risked the fact that they might me discarded if not needed. At least Bella dodged being damned—surely she had passed on to a better life now. My heart throbbed vigorously.

_It will be over soon. _I thought about what it would be like. Pain had been such a branded feeling to me now that the thought of it being gone was odd. The thought of being ash was even odder—maybe even scary if I had a reason to live. But there was no point to continue to walk this earth, so there was no point to be scared.

It took many turns and hallways to arrive at the underground room. Aro, Marcus, and Caius stood with the rest of their guard who were not as tense as Felix. The guard stood off behind the three leaders, showing the level of their power, Felix joined them and left me to face Aro., though not before Aro laid his hand on Felix's palm. I learned of his power many years ago, when I first learned of the Volturi. His talent was similar to mine, more powerful in some ways. Aro could read every thought anyone ever had, only he needed to have physical contact with them.

"Hello Aro." I started the conversation with only one desire: to end it in ashes.

"Greetings, Edward!" Aro was known for an exuberant outward attitude, but showed no mercy to his victims. That is why I thought Aro was the most lethal; he could be your friend one day then kill you the next. I could only wish it applied here. "I hope Carlisle is in good health," he asked, wondering if I had come here to bear bad news about him.

"Yes, indeed Aro. I came here on a quest of my own,"

_Ah, that's right. He's the mind reader. From a distance, at that! What a powerful talent; possibly, he has come to join us. Another gift for our collection would be splendid._

"Of course! Continue," he said enthusiastically.

"For you to see the whole story, it might be easier of you to hear the whole story," I suggested extending my palm.

_Very interesting, most do not like to be subjected to my power. _He thought very highly of himself and his ability.

He placed his hand on top of mine and I showed him my story. It was overwhelming, hearing Aro's thoughts hear mine, like a constant echo. He was shocked, mostly…angry for telling a human our secret, and completely intrigued with our relationship. Or at least what it used to be. My thoughts came to a close and Aro removed his hand.

_What an interesting story, such intense feelings about a human girl. And coming here asking for death! I cannot waste such a valuable gift, and a son of Carlisle's._

"It seems Edward wants to end his existence," Aro announced to his brothers and guard. I ignored the judgmental murmurs, including ones who thought Aro should grant me my wish. Their words meant nothing to me. Meaningless, just like my life—if you can call it that.

"I am sorry Edward I do not feel I could do that to you," Aro stated, knowing full well what I had planned now.

"It is quite all right Aro." Underneath my words, I almost dropped to my knees and begged. But I saw it in his mind he didn't want to kill me; he wanted to _keep _me. Hadn't I just showed him I only belong to one person, one beautiful, silly, amazing, fascinating girl, who I couldn't have.

"But," he continued, "your capabilities would be very beneficial to our guard. We would be delighted to have you join us," he offered. Marcus was infuriated with Aro's decision to invite me into their coven without regard from him. In Aro's eyes he only saw more power. He saw himself gain more dominance with my talent. Aro only saw himself.

"No thank you, Aro," I declined coldly. Just because I'm in hell doesn't mean I have to bring others down with me, humans especially. It also doesn't mean I have to stay like this; there is one other option. If Aro would give it to me, I would make him.

"A shame really," he sighed and slyly glanced back at one of his guard—Chelsea. It was a silent signal to allow her to use her power. She tried to change my emotions, make me feel obligated to their coven and want to join them. She couldn't though, I was buried under too much sorrow, and grief that not even at her strongest could she break through it all. Some bonds were too strong to break.

I looked at Aro blankly, waiting for him to dismiss me. Not that I would mind a fight—I would purposely lose, but I had a feeling they wouldn't try if I didn't fight back.

"Is that all, Edward?" Aro asked, wondering if I would create a battle. I did consider it for a moment, but decided against it. I didn't think I had enough strength to make it back to the streets, never mind fighting.

"Yes," I said curtly.

"Very well, then. Felix? See that Edward gets out safely. We wouldn't want anything to happen to him, would we?" Yes, Aro knew my plans, they would be on watch for me. Maybe it will all be over soon, because anything would be better than this.

"Yes, Aro. Of course," Felix replied hastily.

"Farewell Edward," Aro waved.

"Goodbye," I said shortly before letting Felix back the way we came.

We walked more briskly than before. Felix was very curious on why Aro didn't explain the situation further, and he would be anticipating an explanation from him. Also, he wondered why I turned down such a powerful position; he thought it as incredibly idiotic. I didn't care, it didn't matter. Nothing did.

Felix brought me to a different doorway from the one I entered. It emptied to the dark streets and he saw me off, the whole time wondering how animal blood dilutes my senses. If only he knew it wasn't animal blood. I turned away from the fortress, one way or another I wouldn't live like this anymore. Not without her.

Existence was nothing without Bella.

**A/N: Phew! That one was the hardest to write, luckily the others will be easier and quicker when I have the book to go off of. Please review, Bella and Alice make their appearances next chapter. **


	13. Zenith

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Romeo and Juliet**

_Felix brought me to a different doorway from the one I entered. It emptied to the dark streets and he saw me off, the whole time wondering how animal blood dilutes my senses. If only he knew it wasn't animal blood. I turned away from the fortress, one way or another I wouldn't live like this anymore. Not without her._

_Existence was nothing without Bella._

***

If you could choose the cause of your death, what would you choose? Anything would work, really. The real question would be what would be the fastest. The throb in my chest ached more than ever and I thought it was a funny thing; illogical, actually—my heart hurt, and yet I didn't _really_ have a heart. Then again, what about love is logical? I thought I knew pain like I thought I knew jealousy. I've felt it physically and mentally, I've read about it and seen it through minds of humans and vampires, day in and day out. Secretly, I thought I was an expert, having being damned to this existence with three days of torture.

I was a fool.

Saying I knew pain before this was saying that I knew love before Bella. I didn't imagine anything could be worse than this. I couldn't stop this kind of agony, when a vampire bites you, the wound will heal. When a human loses a loved one, they cope, times heals their wounds. But not like this. Bella is gone and I could have thousands of years to grieve, or I could try to stop it. Honestly, I wasn't even sure if this pain would stop when the Volturi got to me. If your heart burns when you have no heart, then will it burn when you have no body? I hoped not, but I would try.

The question appeared again, how would I try? There were many humans in the heart of the city. The Volturi were very fond of their city. It wouldn't be difficult, to reach out and snap their necks…

No. I couldn't do that.

I felt shameful at first that I would even think that way. After all the years Carlisle had taught me to live. I couldn't betray him like that. Disappointing Carlisle wasn't what had first stop the train of thought, though. It was the thought of killing someone else who could have his or her own Bella at home. I couldn't take away someone else's Bella. Just because my happiness deteriorated doesn't mean I have to bring innocents down with me.

Cars zoomed by and people chattered flippantly. I eyed a blue Buick from my hideout in an alley. That would be simple too, demonstrate my inhuman strength and lift a car in the air. No one would be hurt; the Volturi would be furious.

I sighed, that would never work; humans didn't want to believe in the unexplainable. They would say it was an act, or the car was faulty. Especially when men who claim themselves 'daredevils' on television lift cars themselves with their bare hands. Humans were clueless.

I edged closer farther away from the streets as the sun rose higher in the sky. Once again I was just a monster lurking in the dark. There was only one human who wouldn't be absolutely terrified if I showed my self in the sun. An idea brewed in my mind. It was perfect.

There would be no plausible rationalization to see my skin gleam in the sunlight. Humans would try, maybe coming close to the truth. They would scream and surely outcast me from the world. But I wouldn't live that long. The Volturi would whisk me away to an ashy grave before the humans could even get pictures. It would cause mayhem. It was unforgettable. The Volturi would be livid. I would be dead. It was perfect.

It was selfish, also, but what was new? I did long to feel warmth one more time. To let my skin soak in the sun again…of course, it wouldn't compare to the warmth I truly wanted to feel. The warmth of Bella's hand in mine, her lips on mine, her face on my chest. I shuddered, for that wasn't possible anymore, but I could get close. It was difficult but I could remember the days when Bella wasn't in my life—the days were I was numb, not feeling anything at all—where I would go to the meadow and feel the sun on my skin. What was a diminutive comparison to holding Bella's hand, but worth it, no doubt.

I stuck my hand into the sunlight cautiously. The tips of my fingers threw rainbows in the air. I pulled it back just as quickly, a little angry that I could barely feel the warmth, and also because no one had noticed. Everyone had gone about their early morning business like I too was human. I realized I couldn't pursue my plan now. The crowd wasn't large enough and the sun was high enough for me to feel its affect. So I would show myself at noon, when the sun was directly at its zenith.

After hours of waiting the time was nearing. Every nerve in my body was aware of this. I'm sure if I were still human, my heart would be human. Besides all of this, though, I was strangely at peace. Maybe it was because a promise of peace would come soon. Obviously I would miss something's—that seem almost miniscule to what I have lost. I'll miss Carlisle's compassion and patience, Esme's motherly touch, Alice's jubilance, Emmett's jokes, Jasper's understanding quality and how Rosalie always challenged me. I would miss my music and my chances at learning more. But I could barely see those things without my light, my guidance. My family has their own companions, now they can be happy without worrying about me. I was never the next Beethoven and I wasn't the first person to cure cancer. My reason was gone. Life was pointless.

Another worthless minute passed by to my looming doom—or should I say haven? I allowed myself to think of her, my Bella, my love, I couldn't even describe to myself how much she means to me.

_When her scent first hit me in Biology, how foolish I was to think I hated her. That class soon became my favorite along with her fragrance._

_The day Tyler's van almost smashed her. I hadn't known why I was so scared, why I _had _to save her. Then later that night Alice had told me I loved her, I was furious nonetheless but oddly relieved. I finally knew how I felt about the Swan girl._

_The first night I snuck into her room she rolled over and said my name, and I knew she was thinking of me, dreaming of me._

_The night in Port Angeles, I have never been so enraged with a human before. I took her out to dinner that night, and she knew what I was. I knew I couldn't stay away from her._

_The Saturday I took her to my meadow, and it soon belonged to her. I showed her my strength and she didn't care, she wanted me. Then when I pressed my lips to hers, there has never been a better experience. That she said she loved me that night, I had never felt so complete._

_The next day I brought her to my family, who feel in love with her instantly. I had never wanted someone's approval as when I wanted Bella's of my family and I. When she told me she liked them, everything felt right._

_Then I met her father, after the confrontation with a Quileute elder. He was a simple man and allowed Bella to join me for a game of baseball._

_It was the worst game of baseball ever played. I could remember everything about that moment. The direction the wind blew, how one strand of her hair flickered just enough to waft her perfume to the trackers face. The way James's thoughts registered with animalistic want._

_Those next days were horrifying. I was almost too late, when I saw Bella had been bitten, I couldn't let her life my lifestyle. I had never tasted blood so sweet, I almost killed her and when I pulled I was mortified with myself for almost causing my Bella death._

_The next months were amazing. I took her to prom despite her cast and refusal. I tried to spend all my time with her, and when I wasn't I was thinking about her. Even now._

How I loved her. How I still love her! Perhaps I could reunite with her, the chance was slim and I knew I was asking too much by wishing to leave the agony. I started to unbutton my old shirt slowly readying myself to be exposed. Then to die. Perhaps it wouldn't be that bad. Maybe they would use Alec on me, and then I would cease to exist all together. My last thought would be of Bella whose face was becoming more concrete more beautiful, like my memory had been saving her full brilliancy of her for this moment.

The clock tolled once and I took a step forward at the edge of the shadows. The crowd was buzzing with excitement about a festival—Saint Marcus day, maybe. I didn't care; I could almost hear her voice now.

"_Edward!" _I could practically hear my angel shouting. _Yes, love I'm coming, I'll try._

The clock tolled again and I dropped my shirt to my feet.

"_Edward, No!" she screamed. _I wondered why an angel sounded so terrified. If I was blessed enough to see her one last time, I would make sure she was happy. I turned my hands forward out to the light to fully reveal my skin.

The clock tolled a third time and I knew I couldn't stay away from my angel any longer.

"_No!" she screamed with her flawless voice. "Edward, look at me!" _I could hear her coming closer, so close I could almost smell her mouth-watering scent. _Yes, my love I see you, beautiful. I love you Bella, I'm coming, and I love you. _I lifted my foot to lead me to the light, to the angel's voice, to my death, and if I'm lucky heaven.

Something warm and feather light crashed into me. It lit my throat on fire with its delightful scent. A scent I hadn't smelled in months. I could feel the angel bounce back off of me before I steadier her, wanting her warmth back in my arms. I must have been hallucinating; nothing I have done in my life could lead me to deserve to have her back again.

I opened my eyes to a vision so brilliant it was almost blinding. The fourth chime of the clock was barely audible to be as she filled my senses. I looked down at her and almost cried tears of joy. She was here, I was healed.

Did it really happen so suddenly?

"Amazing," I breathed, surprised and partly amused. I should never have doubted Carlisle. "Carlisle was right." All of his talk about a greater force, the higher heavens, something above and beyond…I was a moron to deny it. There had to be something to have her back in my arms.

"Edward." Her lips moved around my name but made no sound. I wondered why not. "You've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move!" I barely noticed her words as I marveled at the softness of her cheek, tinting with the most tempting pink blush. I heard the clock toll—had it always made that sound? Why could I hear it from heaven? I was seeing things over again. Everything was alive, beautiful; everything felt right, and whole. The hole in my chest was gone, so much so that I questioned whether or not it was even there in the first place. If I knew death was this good I would have tried to months ago.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing—they're very good," I mused, they had used Alec on me, there was no pain, no feeling, if Bella wasn't in my arms I wouldn't even have known that it had happened. I was dead. Again.

I closed my eyes and pressed her closer to my body letting her warmth envelop me, placed a kiss atop her head and quoted. "_Death that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath no power yet upon thy beauty." _The quote of Romeo in the tomb, it seemed very appropriate to use now. The clocked boomed once more and I was a tad annoyed that it was covering Bella's voice. I inhaled her scent again—still addicted—and my throat blazed. I wouldn't change anything. "You smell just exactly the same as always" I continued. "So maybe this _is _hell. I don't care. I'll take it," This was better than anything that happened to me in seven months.

"I'm not dead," she protested, was her voice always this musical? "And neither are you! Please Edward we have to move. They can't be far away!" she squirmed in my arms. I must have heard wrong, I thought she said we _weren't _dead. That's impossible wasn't it? I had stepped to my doom in the sunlight, numbed my Alec and killed by the Volturi.

"What was that?" I said the most relaxed I had been in months.

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi—" The Volturi? _We're not dead_, we're not dead! Bella's alive, and here! _Not, yet._

Damn it, _not yet._ The Volturi are coming to kill me. To kill Bella.

Damn it.

I yanked Bella into the shadows before she could finish. I could here Demetri and Felix approaching quickly. I spun Bella around so she was hidden behind me.

_So has he called of his plans? _Felix wondered.

_Mmm, human smells delicious right now, _Demetri thought lazily.

"Greetings, gentlemen." I kept my voice polite. "I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters."

"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" Felix interrupted me. _Humans would notice if we killed them here._

"I don't believe that will be necessary," my voice was cold now.

_You aren't supposed to come so near to the light so fully exposed, _Felix reminded.

"I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules," I argued.

"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun," Demetri defended, hidden in an identical long depressing cloak to Felix's. _Also the fact that you are with a human girl… _"Let us seek better cover," he suggested.

Their thoughts of massacring me and eating Bella were unnerving. She came here to save me, somehow, but there was no way she was killing herself in the process. "I'll be right behind you," I said icily. "Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?" I stared to nudge her in the other direction.

"No, bring the girl," Felix sneered. O_h, how Aro will love this! I will get the girl to him even if I have to fight him for it. He's weak and alone. It won't take long._

"I don't think so," I said harshly shifting my stance for a fight.

"No," I heard Bella mouth the word.

"Shh," I whispered to her. She was scared, and in danger, because of me.

"Felix" Demetri reasoned. "Not here," _He should know not to hint at a fight! It takes out the element of surprise, _he thought and then turned toward me. "Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if our have decided not to force our hand after all."

"Certainly," I agreed. "But the girl goes free," I demanded.

"I'm afraid that's not possible," Demetri feigned ruing. "We do have rules to obey."

"Then _I'm _afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri," I said through my teeth.

"That's just fine," purred Felix who had no intention of giving up.

"Aro will be disappointed," Demetri sighed. They shared a glance and descended to me at two different angles, their cloaks blocking the sun. I didn't dare move an inch. I didn't care if I died, even if Bella was alive—she's staying that way. Part of my mind rejoiced—_Bella's alive! Bella is alive!_

_She's alive, she's alive, Bella's alive!_ Alice thoughts shouted at me, mirroring my own. If I didn't have proof, my own evidence behind me, and Alice had come to tell me that, I would have never believed her.

My head whipped around to see Alice approach.

_Aw, crap, Edward. What have you gotten us into? _she thought. Trouble, I wanted to respond. It was my entire fault.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we?" Alice put on a perfect façade. "There are ladies present." She skipped to my side with a causal stance. She knew this would stop Felix and Demetri from attacking momentarily. They straightened up quickly, scowling at the even numbers.

"We're not alone," Alice pointed out. Throwing glances to a family across the square. The family was murmuring to each other skeptically. Their minds going back to old legends—especially one of Saint Marcus. They were suspicious of us. Demetri followed Alice's gaze meeting one of the woman's eyes. She turned away quickly still speaking urgently to her family. Demetri shook his head, realizing their beliefs.

"Please, Edward, lets be reasonable," he said.

"Let's" I agreed harshly. "And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser."

_Damn kid won't give up,_ he thought and sighed in aggravation. "At least let us discuss this more this more privately," he tried to sway me, seeing as more members were joining the family of onlookers. They were worried about how protectively I was standing in front of Bella, wondering if they should call help.

_These two can't handle anything, _a high childish voice thought. Jane.

My teeth clenched together, "No," I hissed. Felix had also heard her loom and smiled.

"Enough" she ordered. Jane made her way to us. Her body was tiny, like Alice, but her hair was brown and short, mostly covered by her cloak. Her face was round with wide dull ruby eyes and full lips.

Felix and Demetri relaxed visibly both smug in my reaction. I dropped my arms in defeat. I felt horrible; there was nothing I could do for Bella with Jane near.

"Jane," I sighed showing no move to fight. The last thing I needed was for Jane to burn me from the inside out. Alice folded her arms across her chest blankly.

_Ugh, I hate last minute decisions, _she thought.

"Follow me," she demanded in a monotone. _Or die, _she ordered silently seeing my hundredth second hesitation. Jane drifted away and Felix gestured for us to go first. I didn't trust him behind us but with Jane, there was nothing I could do.

Alice went first, walking a foot behind Jane. As I wrapped my arms around Bella' warm waist, they fit easily there, like that's where they belonged. I tugged Bella along catching up to Alice so we were side by side. I meet Bella's frenzied eyes, she wasn't dumb, and she knew we were in danger. I shook my head, the only reassurance I could give her at the time.

"Well, Alice." I spoke unceremoniously as we followed Jane. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here." She was the one, after all, to send this into motion.

_I am so sorry Edward! Truly, I am. I didn't know Rosalie would call you, and this would start. Forgive me? _she pleaded. I knew I shouldn't blame her; it was my fault to believe so little information. "It was my mistake." Alice spoke just as calmly. "It was my job to set it right."

"What happened?" I asked politely. Felix and Demetri were close behind us, listening to our every move. I spoke as casually as I could, almost indifferently as if I didn't care about what happened to Bella. In truth, though I was going mad.

"It's a long story," Alice said looking at Bella quickly. "In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days." Memories flashed in Alice's mind, when she came to find Bella alive. Her weak explanation of cliff diving for recreational purposes. A newfound friend of Bella's: Jacob Black, the werewolf. Not only a werewolf, a _young _werewolf, even worse. Her information on Victoria, back in Forks. All these months, wasted. I failed to protect Bella even when it was my sole purpose of existing. Then something caught me more off guard. Alice had talked to Charlie before coming here, in his kitchen. She couldn't stop her overflowing memories.

"_How bad was it?" Alice asked. "Real bad," Charlie replied grimly._

"_The first week I thought I was going to have to hospitalize her. She wouldn't eat or drink." Charlie added later._

"_She was…empty."_

"_She was avoiding everything that reminder her of…him"_

"_I still hear her scream in her sleep…"_

"_Ever since she has been hanging around with Jacob Black, I've noticed a real improvement."_

"_She used to think of him has a friend but I think it's something more now, or headed in that direction, anyway. "_

"_He's good for Bella, you know."_

"_Okay, so I guess that's overstating things. I don't know…even with Jacob, now and then I see something in her eyes and I wonder if I've ever grasped how much pain she's really in."_

Alice stopped her memories there with a quiet "I told you so." I had left her hurt, broken, devastated, and only to befriend werewolves, the only thing worse than vampires. I would never forgive myself. If she has feelings about this Jacob child….I couldn't even think about that.

"Hmm," I replied, trying to dispel my anger.

We kept walking on the down hill path until we reached a dead end. Jane easily dropped down an open hole followed by Alice. Bella balked at it with an open mouth. She was scared.

_I'll catch Bella, _Alice volunteered.

"It's all right, Bella" I soothed. "Alice will catch you."

_Aw, poor human's scared, _Felix thought sarcastically.

_Pity, he should leave her with us, _imagined Demetri. I didn't trust them alone with her. Bella sat on the edge of the opening hesitantly.

"Alice?" her voice trembled.

_Ha! The things humans are afraid of. Truly a disgrace, _Felix thought.

"I'm right here, Bella," Alice said. I heard her heartbeat faster, so did Demetri.

_Mmm, appetizing, _he thought.

I took Bella's fragile wrists in my hands, reminded myself to be gentle and lowered her down.

"Ready?" I asked.

_Hurry! Edward, if Jane has to wait any longer…_ "Drop her," Alice called, her voice shaking slightly.

Bella scrunched her eyes together, where purple circles were starting to form, and squeezed her mouth shut. I took one last look at her face and released her wrists. Letting her fall was on of the hardest things to do.

_It's about time, _thought Jane.

_Could they have gone any slower? _Felix huffed in his mind. I jumped down the hole quietly and was back by Bella's side in an instant. I could see her features perfectly, despite the lack of light underground. I could see she was terrified.

I began to direct her behind Jane once more and wrapped my arms around her as she did the same.

_Just in case, _Demetri thought closing the hole we came through. I towed Bella along swiftly hoping to shield her from their thoughts. As always she began to trip on the damp and uneven floor, only causing the two behind us to label her as an 'easy target' I almost choked on the fear of losing her.

We continued to walk through the gloom of the spacious hallway. The sides were made from ancient stone that began to grow with moss and fungus. The floor was made from uneven wooden bricks, as if the workers built it in the dark.

I tried not to think about our impending disaster. Instead I focused on Bella. How her eyes still seemed to be a deep brown that I yearned to look in, but lacking a certain spark. Her pink lips weren't as full as they were in September. Her hair was a magnificent brown that fell about four inches past her shoulders, although it didn't seem as full and lively as before. She was beautiful, truly, but different. I had left her broken, and she never recovered. She wasn't as innocent as before; she had seen heartbreak and hate, something Bella should have never witnessed. I had ruined her happiness and now her life.

I shuddered and focused on her heartbeat. That always seemed to calm me. It didn't help much but I did miss the sound. I concentrated on that, wishfully thinking to block out Demetri, Felix, and Jane's horrid thoughts. I could still here them talking though, Felix sighed behind me, and muttered, "Go any slower and I'll kill the girl myself." I stiffened. The worst part was he might truly do that.

I held Bella closer to me, the distance between us unbearable. I held her face with my hand that wasn't clutching her slender waist. I traced her perfect lips and stared into her face, memorizing every detail. My memory hadn't done her justice; she was more brilliant than I had remembered. Every now and then I would kiss the top of her head, and she clutched herself closer. I couldn't bring myself from moving away from her. I clung to my heaven after seven months of hell and hope she wanted me back to. I wouldn't blame her if she didn't forgive me, I'd expect that. But for now I pushed those thoughts out of my head. Only concentrating on her, being here, with me.

I tried to calm her without talking. The others were acutely aware of our every touch, breath, and in Bella's case, heartbeat. They found it inexplicable and repulsive the way we held each other. I didn't care; the only thing that mattered was keeping her alive. Soon we walked through an arched tunnel. One I faintly remember being in only a day ago.

Now that the haze was lifted from my mind I could see the details. The stones were an off gray and the ceiling was low, only about seven feet tall. The moisture on the floor and wall increased and I used the excuse to hold Bella closer to me. The tunnel gave a dark atmosphere and Bella started to shudder with fear. It wasn't until her teeth chattered together that I realized she was cold. Stupid, I should have been more careful. I released her at once, only keeping her hand. I couldn't completely let her go.

"N-n-no," she protested throwing her arms around me again. Part of me was grateful; I didn't want to let her go either. I desperately tried to create friction between us by moving my hand up and down her arm.

Felix and Demetri were not impressed by Bella's hurried pace. Felix continued to sigh loudly now and then. Then we arrived at a grate with rusted bars. Next to it was a smaller door made of ornate metal so short I had to duck through it and speedily moved to a bright room, compared to the pervious ones. Once again, Demetri closed the door with a loud clank to make sure we knew there was no escape, and locked it. We made our way across the room and through a wide wooden door. Bella looked around in surprise to the room, relaxing her muscles. Felix saw this too and thought about killing her now. I clenched my teeth. We were going to die.


	14. Ruling

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

_Then we arrived at a grate with rusted bars. Next to it was a smaller door made of ornate metal so short I had to duck through it and speedily moved to a bright room, compared to the pervious ones. Once again Demetri closed the door with a loud clank to make sure we knew there was no escape, and locked it. We made out way across the room and through a wide wooden door. Bella looked around in surprise to the room, relaxing her muscles. Felix saw this too and thought about killing her now. I clenched my teeth. We were going to die. _

***

The hallway we were in was brighter than the others. With no design on its cream colored walls or metal gray floor. The goose bumps on Bella's arms faded from the warmer temperature, and she blinked a few times adjusting to the fluorescent lights overhead. We continued walking toward Jane who stood by an elevator.

_Can't we just kill them and get it over with? Although, it would be nice to use my powers again, give that little human a surprise, _Jane thought carelessly. I glowered at her.

Alice and I flanked Bella, very aware of the Volturi members around us. Although Alice's mind was in a different moment.

_I can't see, the situation is too decisive. They're interested in us, _she thought to herself. _Edward we must be cautious, they will try to fool us, Aro especially,_ Alice warned. I moved my eyes up then down, in silent communication.

Jane looked very indifferent while she held the elevator open for us. In her mind though, she was wondering what our death sentence would be. My jaw clenched once again.

The elevator was to compact for my liking. I stood protectively beside Bella while Felix and Demetri unveiled their faces letting their hoods fall to their shoulders. Felix noticed Bella's appealing scent in the compressed space.

_She does have quite a flavor, _he thought picturing himself sinking his teeth in her throat. It was not his thoughts I was most worried about, though they did terrify me—at the moment he couldn't do anything without Aro, Caius and Marcus's consent—I was most vexed about Jane. She kept her expression consistent throughout this whole ordeal, but was secretly waiting for an excuse to use her ability. Aro wouldn't mind that too much, Jane knew she was somewhat his favorite member. Bella cringed against me the whole time while I rubbed her arm. I wish I could give her better news.

The elevator ride was too long for my liking—forty-three seconds. We arrived at a reception that had jade green carpeting and wooden paneled walls. The pleasant paintings hung around the room of various landscapes were to calm for me to look at. With pale leather couches and off-white pillows the room looked to human—too much like home—to belong to the Volturi.

We stopped a large mahogany counter where a tall tan woman sat behind. Her greens eyes locked with Jane's.

_Make yourself presentable, have a good impression, _the woman thought to herself. I forced back a shudder. She wanted to join them.

"Good afternoon, Jane," she smiled warmly. She was a smart woman, not even thinking to ask about our presence.

"Gianna," Jane nodded not throwing a glance her way as she descended upon lighter wooden doors. Felix winked at Gianna and she giggled quietly, apparently she had a _very_ good chance of being a member of the Volturi.

We entered another room greeted by Alec who had deep black hair and a light gray robe. He reached for Jane immediately. "Jane," his eyes lit up.

"Alec" Jane replied matching his tone, hugging him and kissing each other's cheeks.

_My sister never fails, _Alec thought proudly when they broke away. Alec set his eyes on our group.

_A human too, how odd. _"They send you out for one and you come back with two…and a half." He eyes Bella, "Nice work."

_My brother. What a delight, _Jane thought and laughed a sugar sweet laugh.

"Welcome back, Edward," Alec smiled "You seem in a better mood." Odd, I hadn't noticed him in my last visit. It amazes me how much I didn't account for without Bella.

"Marginally," I replied in a blank voice. I'm about to get Bella killed—I do not consider that as better. In Alec's mind he remembered me as I was before, lifeless, emotionless, flat, full of grief.

Alec only chuckled in response, as if he found my situation ludicrous. Which, he most likely did. He took in Bella's tired form that I held to my side. "And this is the cause of all the trouble?" he wondered. _He was willing to kill himself for this mere human? _he thought. I smiled at him disdainfully until I heard Felix.

_I can see Alec sizing her up. I saw her first. She's mine, and what a great fight Edward would put up! _"Dibs" Felix called almost bored.

I turned to face him. A snarl bubbling to my lips, I couldn't take his thoughts anymore. He couldn't _call _Bella like some useless piece of trash. I would stop his ravenous thoughts right here and now. Felix curled his fingers inward inviting me in.

_Edward we don't have a chance here, not with Jane and Alec. _Alice warned touching my arm. "Patience" she cautioned. I looked in her mind. She showed me her recent vision…

_I advanced to Felix but Jane stopped me and I fell in my knees writhing in pain. Bella screamed for me but I couldn't respond. My own screams of pain echoed in the hall. Alice was numbed my Alec and Felix moved toward Bella, who kept her eyes on my form, tears threatening to spill over. He jumped on her quickly his lips landing on her throat…_

I blew out a deep breath. We truly did not stand a chance with the uneven numbers. I turned to Alec, holding Bella tighter to my side.

"Aro will be so pleased to see you again," Alec said calmly noting my protective side stance by Bella.

"Lets not keep them waiting" Jane said feeling much better with her brother by her side.

I nodded once.

The twins strode off hand in hand before us. Bella's footfalls fell heavier and I could tell she was getting tired of hurrying up and down the lengthy hallways of Volterra.

We passed many golden doors until Jane and Alec stopped at one door in the middle of the corridor. Alec held the door for Jane and she passed through. The door led us into an identical stone chamber that again was wet, cold, and had an uneven surface.

Thankfully for Bella we did not stay in that room for long. It led to a castle turret. It was perfectly round and symmetrical, two stories above the roof. It was different room than the last time I was here. There were rectangular window slits the let the sunlight trickle through onto the floor. The furniture consisted of wooden throne. I recognized the occupant.

The murmur of casual conversation stopped once we entered the room. All eyes were on us. Aro spoke first from the center chair.

"Jane, dear one, you've returned!" he cried gleefully. _A very good chance to get him back with us. And his sister! What use I could do with knowing the future! _He thought strategically.

Aro moved from his perch and drifted toward us, with his guard behind him and shields in front. Bella gawked at his grace, even for a vampire. The Volturi were a very unusual group, their age gave them the knowledge to know how to intimidate people. They did not know Bella though, to her Aro looked like he was floating. While to other humans this would be frightening, Bella was in awe.

She continued to stare at Aro's features. His milky complexion, and hair blacker than Alice and Alec's, his iris's were red but clouded with decades of sitting on his throne. Aro approached Jane, taking her angelic face in his hands and kissed her lightly. Then took a step back to speak to her.

_He should know, I never fail, _Jane thought arrogantly. "Yes master" she said sweetly. "I brought him back alive, just as you wished."

_Truly, a great decision to change her on my part, _thought Aro smugly. "Ah, Jane" he smiled back. "You are such a comfort to me." _She will be treated well, bringing me the mind reader, future teller, and human who can block him out. _

"And Alice and Bella, too!" he sang as if he just noticed their presence, clapping his hands together. "This _is _a happy surprise! Wonderful!" Bella looked at him in shock as he called their names informally.

_Imagine how Caius and Marcus will respond, _he thought and turned toward his minion. "Felix, be a dear and tell my brothers about our company. I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss this," _I do have a feeling this will turn out quite interesting. _

"Yes, Master" Felix agreed loyally and drifted out of the room.

"You see, Edward?" Aro looked at me with his abnormal eyes. "What did I tell you? Aren't you glad that I didn't give you what you wanted yesterday?" _What a remarkable effect this human girl has on him. _

"Yes, Aro, I am" I agreed partly lying. If we lived, I would be forever grateful. If not—I couldn't think about that. I held Bella closer reassuring myself that she was here, for now. I wouldn't let her die, not without a fight.

_Odd, they seem closer than I expected, _he watched our arms around each other.

"I love a happy ending," sighed Aro. "They are so rare. But I want the whole story. How did this happen? Alice?" He looked at Alice in delight. "Your brother seemed to think you infallible, but apparently there was a mistake."

"Oh, I'm far from infallible" Alice forced a smile at him. "As you can see today, I cause problems as often as I cure them," she added.

_She must be holding back. _"You are to modest," he disagreed. "I've seen some of your more amazing exploits, and I must admit I've never observed anything like your talent. Wonderful!"

_Edward, what is he planning? I can't tell his intentions _she glanced at me.

_Look at how they communicate, what a gift! _thought Aro. "I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced properly at all, have we? It's just I feel like I know you already, and I tend to get ahead of myself. Your brother introduced us yesterday, in a peculiar way. You see, I share some of your brother's talent, only I am limited in a way that he is not," _if only I was unlimited the way he is, _he mused.

"And also exponentially more powerful," I added hastily.

_He's wants us to join him, doesn't he?_ asked Alice.

"Aro needs physical contact to hear your thoughts, but her hears much more than I do," I looked at Alice while I explained, carefully looking up then down again as a yes. "You know I can only hear what's passing through your head at the moment. Aro hears every thought your mind as ever had."

Alice's eyebrows shoot up. _And he wants us so he can me be all-powerful? _she asked. I inclined my head in agreement.

_To communicate silently, what surprises I could throw at our enemies! _He had seen our silent conversation. "But to be able to hear from a distance…" he said and waved his hand toward us. "That would be so _convenient," _Aro sighed. _Ah, there they are. _

Aro directed his gaze to behind, where everyone else followed. Felix guided Caius and Marcus into the room under our wary eyes. Aro was the first to speak.

"Marcus, Caius, look!" Aro shouted. "Bella is alive after all, and Alice is here with her! Isn't that wonderful?" cooed Aro.

Neither Marcus nor Caius thought it was very wonderful at all.

_Great, they're alive after all. _Caius glowered.

_Oh, Didyme how I miss the, _Marcus thought. He had a special power. Marcus could see bonds between people. Whether it was love, hate, or a bond of a coven. He could also see how strong they were, a very valuable thing during battle. Bella and mine bond apparently reminded him of his deceased wife, Didyme. Marcus was left to an eternity without her. I knew that feeling—unfortunately. I was no stranger to the emotions of despair, sorrow, and emptiness. I had never felt so much sympathy for a member of the Volturi ever before.

"Let us have the story" Aro exclaimed again. While Caius drifted to his own throne Marcus stood in front of Aro for a moment and touched palms with him.

_They're bonds are very strong, its surprising. The man and other vampire are very close. And the man with the human impossibly so, I didn't know a human could have so much feeling, and with a vampire. _Marcus told Aro, thinking very apathetically of the whole situation. I snorted softly; I didn't know Bella could have feelings this strong either.

_What is it Edward?_ Alice asked. I turned my head slightly to the right to imply it was nothing.

"Thank you, Marcus. That's quite interesting," Aro said. Marcus merely walked away to his own chair and looked terribly bored as he watched the scene unfold. Two vampires follow him—their protection. Two women shields went to Caius's side.

_Amazing, this is not some small crush or fascination. They love each other very deeply. Their relationship intrigues me. _"Amazing," Aro shook his head in shock. "Absolutely amazing."

_How frustrating, could they at least say things out loud? _Alice huffed.

"Marcus sees relationships. He's surprised by the intensity of ours," I explained rapidly. I wish I hadn't, Aro picked up on it.

"So convenient," Aro murmured to himself. "It takes quite a bit to surprise Marcus. I can assure you."

_Centuries of the same thing over and over again, _Marcus thought drearily to himself. _I'm shocked to be shocked, _again I felt sorry for him.

"It's just so difficult to understand, even now," Aro's eyes returned to my arm wound around Bella's waist. _Her blood, smelling a thousand timed better than anyone else's, and yet they insist on being together. Look at his eyes; it looks like he hasn't feed in weeks. _"How can you stand so close to her like that?" he asked.

"It's not without effort," I answered, making my throat blaze a little more. But the monster that craved to drink from her did not arrive. The monster had run with his tail between his legs. Driven of by fear of losing Bella and locked back into his cage, with no sign of return.

"But still—_la tua cantante!" _he quoted in Italian. "What a waste!"

I chuckled dryly at the bold statement. "I look at it as a price," one that I was willing to pay.

"A very high price" he challenged.

"Opportunity cost."

Aro laughed. _A very high cost I suppose. _"If I hadn't smelled her through your memories, I wouldn't have believed the call of anyone's blood could be so strong. I've never felt anything like it myself. Most of us would trade much for such a gift, and yet you…"

"Waste it," I finished sarcastically, letting her die would be the only waste.

_Ha! He sees wasting it as a joke. Vegetarians are so odd. _"Ah, how I miss my friend Carlisle! You remind me of him—only he was not so angry." I could only wish I had the strength Carlisle had. Then Bella wouldn't be in this mess.

"Carlisle outshines me in many other ways as well," I added.

"I certainly never thought to see Carlisle bested for self-control of all things, but you put shame to him," _Carlisle would also to wonders to our coven too, he knows so much about humans civilization. _

"Hardly," I said impatiently. Aro was beating around the bush, I was tired of not knowing if I had to fight for Bella's life or not.

"I am gratified by his success," Aro continued not curbed by my tone. "Your memories of him are quite a gift for me, though they astonish me exceedingly. I am surprised by how it…pleases me, his success in this unorthodox path he's chosen," even the oldest of vampires have some sort of humanity. Aro was feeling proud of his friend. "I expected that he would waste, weaken with time. I'd scoffed at his plan to find others who would share his peculiar vision. Yet, somehow, I'm happy to be wrong," he was growing more curious with our family. That was good, the more curious he got, the better chances we had to live. I didn't respond hoping not to answer his questions.

"But _your _restraint!" he sighed. " I did not know such strength was possible, to inure yourself against such a siren call, not just once but again and again—" here he wondered if I somehow enjoyed the pain. I would have snorted if we weren't in such danger—"if I had not felt it myself. I would have not believed."

I kept my face blank so he could not read me. So he couldn't read my anger, fear, so he couldn't know that I had a plan brewing in my mind. "Just remembering how she appeals to you…" he laughed darkly. "It makes me thirsty."

I tensed by Bella, a growl threatening to form in my chest. _Hmm, fascinating he is oh so protective of her. _"Don't be disturbed" Aro trilled. "I mean her no harm. But I am _so _curious, about one thing in particular," he looked at Bella as a shiny new toy. "May I?" he asked me lifting his hand.

"Ask _her,_" I suggested flatly.

_Right, he does not decide for her. Their relations are peculiar also. _"Of course, how rude of me!" Aro exclaimed. "Bella," he said looking at only her now.

_Dear God, _why _is Aro so intrigued by her? _thought Caius.

_I wonder if I get to test my powers on her also? _ Jane wondered. I glared at her.

"I'm fascinated that you are the one exception to Edward's impressive talent—so very interesting that such a thing should occur! And I was wondering, since our talents are similar in many ways, if you would be so kind as to allow me to try—to see if you are an exception for _me _as well?" Aro asked politely teeming with interest.

She glanced at me with crazed eyes. Silently asking me if it was safe.

_I see, he does not decide for her. But she stills wants his input. A dependent yet independent relationship, _noted Aro.

_He won't able to hear her Edward, it's all right, _and Alice told me. I looked back at Bella and nodded.

She turned back to the ancient vampire slowly. Bella raised her trembling hand to reach for his.

_Humans, scared so easily. _

_Why would Aro think a human could deny his talent? _

_Can we kill them and feed already? _

_Mmm, listen to that heartbeat. _

_Oh dear, the girls afraid, _thought Aro. He put on his best reassuring face but it didn't stop Bella's shaking hand. Aro's hand touched Bella's when he didn't hear anything at first he looked her in the eyes. For a moment there was silence.

_Nothing, I can't hear a thing. She may be a useful vampire. _"So very interesting" he repeated, taking a step backwards.

I was a little smug. My Bella was strong.

_Immune to Mind readers, but yet Alice can see her future easily. Why is that? Not once have I come across a vampire that has that ability. And she is so strong with it as a human, not even trying to shield herself. I wonder…_ "A first" he announced shocking his brothers and guard. "I wonder if she is immune to our other talents…Jane?"

"No!" I growled Alice tried to reach out for me but I shook her off.

_Yes! _Jane thought triumphantly. "Yes, Master?" she asked innocently. I continued trying to ward them off the snarls. I glared at Aro and Jane with hatred. There was _no _way that they were going to even _try _that on Bella. Not my Bella. The rest were shocked with my show of protection for a 'petty human', as they called her. I ignored their disapproving glances. Nothing was happening to Bella. Felix grinned at me planning an attack while Aro glanced at him. Felix frowned and stepped back into place. Aro overlooked my snarls and spoke to Jane.

"I was wondering, my dear one, if Bella is immune to _you." _My growling grew louder as Jane imagined Bella screaming in pain. I moved to another protective stance in front of Bella while Caius and his protection moved in for a better look.

I saw everything in slow motion then. Jane's grim smile as she turned to face us. How she planed on torturing Bella.

"Don't!" Alice called but she seemed far away. There was no chance anything would hurt Bella; I had already put her through too much. I leapt Jane with full intention on stopping her plan.

Then I was on the ground. The pain inside of me was unbearable; it was like something had lit my mind on fire. I dropped to my knees in agony, only semi-aware of Bella behind me. I had to be strong for her, I couldn't scream.

If I had not gone through eight months without Bella. If I had not gone three days thinking she was dead then I wouldn't be able to handle Jane. But I knew a pain worse than one in my head.

"Stop!" I heard my angel sheik. Her voice was floating away and I bit my tongue to keep from shouting. My body continued to shake and cringed on the floor I clamped my eyes shut. It hurt so _badly. _

_Stay strong, for Bella. Stay strong. _

Everything faded away until I couldn't only think about the pain. Searing from within me. Then as quickly as it started it was gone. For a moment I was frozen, only comprehending that it was gone. Then my senses came back to me. Oh God, Bella.

"He's fine" I heard Alice whisper to Bella. I sat up quickly trying to gather myself, and then fluidly got to my feet.

_Lets see how she responds to this, _Jane thought smugly. I looked at Bella in horror, Jane was doing her worst. Bella stared back at me but did not struggle against Alice's arms. She made no move to scream.

I looked at Jane again who was staring angrily at Bella, focusing on her intently. I glanced back at Bella again. She was fine. Thank Heavens. Bella was no longer looking at me but now at Jane, who was glaring daggers at her.

_Damn, stupid, good for nothing, petty, weak, human, _her mind continued with profanities. Bella shuddered for a moment, probably expecting the pain to hit her as it did to me.

Nothing happened.

When I realized she was immune to Jane as well I was back at her side in an instant, and touched Alice's arm. She released Bella immediately.

_How very wonderful! _"Ha, ha, ha," Aro laughed merrily. "This is wonderful!" Jane hissed at Bella crouching forward. Hoping to scare her.

_Stupid, idiotic human! There is something wrong with her! I want her dead! _Her mind hissed.

"Don't be put out, dear one," Aro put a restraining hand on her shoulder. "She confounds us all." Jane curled her upper lip, revealing her teeth.

_She wont attack, Edward, _Alice thought.

"Ha, ha, ha," chuckled Aro. "You're very brave, Edward, to endure in silence. I asked Jane to do that to me once—just out of curiosity." He shook his head, disbelieving, starting to imagine me in a cloak like Jane's.

I glared at him in disgust.

"So what do we do with you now?" sighed Aro, finally getting to important matters. Our future was unclear to Alice. We stiffened simultaneously. Bella trembled by my side.

"I don't suppose there's any chance that you've changed your mind?" he asked wishfully. Once again imagining me I a dark cloak with crimson eyes. Felix and Jane grimaced.

_Please, not _that_ boy, _thought Felix.

_No way. I wont let it happen, _Jane thought.

"I'd…rather…not," I said, very careful in choosing my words. If I offended them, the chances weren't good of keeping Bella alive.

_Shame, such a waste of talent, _he thought before turning to Alice. "Alice?" he asked hopefully. To Aro I was a gem to his collection. But Alice was a treasure.

"No, thank you," she declined politely. _Pity, she would have done wonders with us. _

None of us was prepared for his next questioned. "And you, Bella?" he asked. I hissed lowly seeing Bella with bright ruby eyes and dark cloak, smiling viciously. Bella didn't respond. I was scared to ashes thinking she might accept. Caius spoke before Bella.

"What?" he hissed in a whisper.

"Caius, surely you see the potential," Aro said as if it were obvious. "I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us?"

_There is no way in hell…_Caius thought. Marcus thoughts were far away, he didn't care much of the circumstances. Jane also did not like the comparison.

_What! I could cause pain to people when I was human! What can she do, not let people hear her? I hardly see that as equal. _Her thoughts were livid.

I was still fuming beside Bella. She could join them if she wanted to. Who am I to stop her? But I prayed she wouldn't.

"No, thank you," she whispered.

"That's unfortunate, such a waste," he sighed. _They would be much more useful here than dead. _

I snarled. "Join or die, is that it? I suspected as much when we were brought to _this _room." The room we were in is they're feeding room. Most had noticed what a nice snack Bella would be. "So much for your laws" I hissed choosing my words careful. As I thought they caused a trigger in Aro.

"Of course not," he argued in astonishment. "We were already convened here, Edward, waiting for Heidi's return. Not for you."

"Aro," Caius hissed. "The laws claim them."

"How so?" I demanded, ready to argue about anything to keep Bella alive. I already knew, of course. But if I argued with his thoughts, he could deny he thought that.

Caius jabbed a finger at Bella. "She knows too much. You have exposed our secrets."

"There are a few humans in on your charade here, as well," I reminded. Felix's thoughts quickly went to Gianna. Caius features twisted in a grim smile.

"Yes," agreed Caius. "But when they are no longer useful to us, they will serve to sustain us. That is not you plan for this one. If she betrays our secrets, are you prepared to destroy her? I think not."

"I wouldn't—" Bella whispered. Caius glared at her to stop.

"Nor do you intend to make her one of us," he continued. "Therefore, she is a vulnerability. Though it is for this, only _her _life is forfeit. You may leave if you wish." _Or do you still wish to waste your life for this human. _He mocked me.

I bared my teeth at him.

"That's what I thought" he finished. Felix prepared for a fight.

"Unless…" interrupted Aro. He didn't really want to kill us. Aro was still curious in our life like our life was some kind of novel. "Unless you do intend to giver her immortality?" _Then we might me able to strike a deal. _

I thought it over. I didn't want Bella to be damned like all of us here. But if we had more time, then would could figure something out…

"And if I do?" I questioned.

Aro smiled. "Why, then you would be free to go him and give my regards to my friend Carlisle." _Hmm, it would not turn out well if they did not follow through. _"But I'm afraid you would have to mean it," his face darkened and he raised his hand toward me.

I cursed internally. He would know my plans. I stared into Bella's brown eyes for a long while, pondering whether I could let them turn ruby. I had left her to save her soul. Know would I give it up to keep her alive?

"Mean it," she finally spoke. "Please," Bella begged.

Here she was asking for death, and it was on my hands. Really it was our only option. Death or damned. She didn't understand how _long_ eternity really was, although forever with her sounded splendid. I searched her eyes hoping that I would find a third option magically. One that would keep her alive, and human.

Without warning Alice stepped forward to meet Aro before I could decide. Aro took two steps toward Alice and waved off his guard. He was very excited to see what her visions were like. Silently she touched her hand with Aro's and he bent his head down in concentration.

Alice was concentrating also; she showed him the most concrete vision of Bella as a vampire I have ever seen. I snapped my teeth together, she was promising Aro something that wasn't hers.

I didn't dare move. Alice proceeded to show Aro different visions, Bella hunting, her arms wrapped around a vampire Bella, moving into a different home with us, at our Forks home as a vampire. Aro looked at different images then, ones Alice didn't show him that were not of Bella. When her and Jasper first moved in with us. Waking up to see Jaspers face, going through school, and then back to the most concrete vision of Bella as a vampire None of us moved until Aro laughed.

"Ha, ha, ha," he trilled opening his eyes. "That was _fascinating_!"

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," said Alice.

"To see the things you've seen—especially the ones that haven't happened yet!" he threw his ands up in awe.

"But that will" she promised with a calm voice.

"Yes, yes, its quite determined. Certainly there's no problem." I knew that Alice promised that Bella would give up her soul. I knew that I would eventually have to hide her from the Volturi. I knew that we were safe for now, and together. At that moment, it was enough for me. I have never felt so relieved.

_I can't believe he's going through with this; we don't need another vampire in this world. _"Aro" Caius complained.

"Dear Caius," Aro stopped him. "Do not fret. Think of the possibilities! They do not join us today, but we can always hope for the future. Imagine young Alice alone would bring to our little household…Besides, I'm so terribly curious to see how Bella turns out!" He had already started to envision the potential.

_Yes, Aro that's the thing. I don't _want_ them with us, _Caius thought to himself.

I could tell the days events were started to get to Bella. Her stance was swaying and her eyes grew wide.

"Then we are free to go now?" I asked trying to keep the triumph out of my voice. I wouldn't let Bella's soul go to waste.

"Yes, yes" he agreed. "But please visit again. It's been absolutely enthralling!"

_I wish something_ _as riveting as today happened more often! _Aro thought.

"And we will visit you as well" Caius intervened and tried to narrow his eyes. But his papery skin made him look like a reptile. "To be sure that you follow through on your side. Were I you, I would not delay too long. We do not offer second chances." _If you do not change her I will kill both of you myself, Edward Cullen. Do not forget Demetri, we can find you easily, _he warned. I nodded once with a clenched jaw. He moved back to his brother Marcus who seemed like he hadn't noticed the entire ordeal.

_If that human does not leave quickly, I wont be able to control myself. Fight or not, _Felix thought and groaned.

"Ah Felix" Aro smiled still entertained by the days events. "Heidi will be here at any moment. Patience."

"Hmm." I said, distressed. "In that case, perhaps we'd better leave sooner rather than later."

_Good idea, _Alice thought. The conditions were making her tense also. She really did want to get back to Jasper.

"Yes," Aro agreed. "That's a good idea. Accidents _do _happen. Please wait below until after dark, though, if you don't mind," he suggested.

"Of course" I replied and Bella shuddered. I didn't know why, maybe because she was condemned to be damned forever, maybe because we almost died, or maybe because she was the one human in the crowd of thirsty vampires. Any or all would suffice.

"And here," Aro said waving Felix forward. He did so and much to Felix's demise undressed the cloak he was wearing and gave it to me.

_What?!_ Felix shouted.

"Take this. You're a little conspicuous," he recommended. I put it on over my bare chest. The cloak felt horrible, like I was sentenced to death for life.

"It suits you" Aro sighed. _Maybe some day, I will see it on all three of them. _I really hope he wouldn't. I chuckled at his sudden mood swing but stopped when I heard the approaching thoughts.

_What a beautiful palace! Such a good vacation for work. _

_My camera! Where's my camera? _

_Gorgeous, how old is this place? _

_I have always wanted to go to Italy. _

Their meals were approaching. "Thank you, Aro. We will wait below," I rushed.

"Goodbye, young friends," waved Aro. His mind more focused on his impending meal.

_Remember, Edward Cullen. We will find you, _Caius warned once more.

"Let's go," I said urgently.

_Follow me,_ Demetri ordered, and lead us out the way we came. I hurried Bella much quicker than the last time. I didn't want her to hear what was about to happen. She has been traumatized enough today.

Alice looked into the future, "No fast enough" she informed. My face chagrinned, they group was getting so close that I was sure Bella could hear them by now.

"Well this is unusual," a man mentioned.

"So medieval" a woman agreed. We pressed up against a wall so the horde could pass us. I wish I could save them, tell them to run while they still had the chance. I couldn't though. It was too dangerous. I had partly saved Bella; I wasn't going to push my luck.

"Welcome guests!" Aro sang. "Welcome to Volterra!" His thoughts were revolting and monstrous. They made me sound like a seraph—even after what I had done to Bella.

Most of the tourists took pictures of the room and marveled at it. A few intelligent visitors though noticed that what had led them there did not add up to where they were now. I followed Bella's gaze to a woman with a rosary. She was frantically praying and asking other travelers, "Do you know what they are?" But none of them could understand her. I pulled Bella's face to my chest before she could see anymore. I had a bad feeling she already understood.

When a small divot in the crowd formed I pulled her through it and out the door. It emptied to an elaborate golden hallway with us as its only population along with another vampire, Heidi.

"Welcome home, Heidi," smiled Demetri. Heidi returned his smile, thirsty from her 'fishing' as they called it. Heidi's job was a lure. She dressed in alluring clothing to bring humans all over the world for the Volturi to feed on. It was evident that she had just arrived from work. Heidi was wearing dark tights and a too short mini skirt. Her shirt was ostentatious and tight to attract humans, men practically. She had long brown hair, almost the shade of Bella's but not quite. Her blue contacts had just faded giving het an indigo look in her eyes.

"Demetri" she replied. _What all has happened while I was gone? _she wondered. _Do we have a new member and human servant? _

"Nice fishing" he complimented.

"Thanks" she smiled brightly. "Aren't you coming?"

"In a minute. Save a few for me," he asked casually. She nodded, eyes still on Bella.

_Hmm, I hate when I miss all the good news, _she thought before going to her catch.

I walked out of there so swiftly that Bella jogged beside me. We had just reached the door when screams ricocheted off the walls.

**A/N: Phew! Just over 11 pgs. On word, longest chapter yet! **


	15. Going Home

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

"_Nice fishing" he complimented. _

"_Thanks" she smiled brightly. "Aren't you coming?" _

"_In a minute. Save a few for me," he asked casually. She nodded, eyes still on Bella. _

_Hmm, I hate when I miss all the good news, she thought before going to her catch. _

_I walked out of there so swiftly that Bella jogged beside me. We had just reached the door when screams ricocheted off the walls. _

***

Demetri brought us to the sophisticated reception area for the second time today. Gianna straightened her posture when she heard us approaching.

"Do not leave until dark," Demetri reminded. I nodded and he headed off to feed.

_They come in with a death sentence, and he comes out a member? No, that cant be it. Why would he be leaving then? Foolish, a chance of a life time and they turn it down. Idiots, _thought Gianna.

Bella began to tremble by my side. It started with her hands then spread throughout her body until it appeared as if she were trembling. At first I thought it was from the cold.

"Are you all right?" I asked anxiously, too low for the receptionist to hear.

"You'd better make her sit before she fall," Alice suggested. "She's going to pieces."

Bella's chest began to ripe with sobs. It broke my heart.

"Shh, Bella, shh," I sat her down on a couch, farthest away from Gianna who was growing more interested in the scene.

"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her," Alice tried to be funny. I glared at her. This was no time for joking.

_Yeesh, just a joke. Sorry, sorry, _she apologized.

"It's all right, you're safe, it's all right," I murmured in her ear over and over again. I pulled her onto my lap, hoping it would comfort her and wrapped the wool robe around her.

I knew it was stupid to think this would make her feel better. I did leave her for months, almost got her killed, _and_ promise vampire royalty her soul. I wouldn't be surprised if she hated me. She didn't reject the gesture though. Bella only continued to sob while I desperately tried to console her.

"All of those people," she cried.

"I know," I whispered.

"It's so horrible."

"Yes, it is. I wish you hadn't has to see that." I felt terrible. I could have gotten her out of there quicker. I should have picked her up in my arms and ran with her. I didn't though. I failed to protect her again.

Bella laid her head on my chest and wiped her tears on the cloak.

_If he received a cloak then he must be important. I should help them, _I heard Gianna approach us as Bella continued to control her breathing.

"Is there anything I can get you?" she asked politely. _Yes, he is a vampire. But why is he with this human? And disgusted with my masters? I have to stay professional, and on task, if I want to join them._

"No" I said harshly. She nodded and smiled then returned to her desk. Gianna stayed professional for the sake of her life. She was doomed either way, though.

"Does she know what's going on here?" Bella whispered when she was gone. Her breathing was becoming even and heartbeat returning to normal.

"Yes. She knows everything," I confirmed.

"Does she know they're going to kill her someday?"

"She knows it's a possibility," I could see the shock in her eyes. I kept my face blank, so she wouldn't be frightened by my anger with the charade. "She's hoping they'll decide to keep her," I explained. The blood visibly drained from her face.

"She wants to be one of them?" Bella squeaked. I nodded, watching her eyes in case she started to cry again, or faint. "How can she want that?" she shuddered. "How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be a part of _that_?"

I didn't respond. Bella had just realized how terrible being a vampire was. She just realized what she was doomed to. I wouldn't let it happen. I couldn't. Bella broke my train of thought.

"Oh, Edward" she sobbed. I thought it was in reaction to something I had done, out things. Or maybe she was still scared of what was promised of her.

"What's wrong?" I asked wanting to know what I did wrong. I rubbed her back soothingly, hoping that it would calm her enough to speak. I half expected her to pull away from me in irritate. Instead she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled herself closer.

"Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?" her voice broke. My heart swelled, did that mean she wanted to be with me? Or that she was happy we lived? I guessed the second option but wished for the first.

I pulled her tightly against my chest, hanging onto her has my lifeline. "I know exactly what you mean," I whispered remembering not to hold to tightly so she could breath. "But we have lots of reasons to be happy. For one, we're alive," I said. Trying to see if that was the reason for her happiness.

"Yes," she agreed, but neither confirmed or denied if it was the only incentive. "That's a good one."

"And together" I breathed quietly. Bracing myself for her to pull away from my hold. She only nodded. Making me go crazy. Did she see that better than the first as I did? What was she thinking?

"And with any luck we'll be alive tomorrow." And possibly together, I wish.

"Hopefully," she said dryly.

"The outlook is quite good," Alice spoke, her mind coming into the present. "I'll see Jasper in less than twenty-four hours," she said confidently. _Edward, that reminds. Have you any idea what you put Carlisle through and Esme! —_I stopped listening the best I could. I didn't want to think about how I ruined my family at the moment.

We stared into each other's eyes; I tried to etch her perfect face in my mind once again. She was an angel, gorgeous and brilliant. Her brown eyes started to spark again and I noticed the deep purple circles starting to darken.

"You look so tired," I traced the spots around her eyes.

"And you look thirsty," she accused.

"It's nothing," I shrugged. I sit through anything for her to stay her in my arms.

"Are you sure? I could sit with Alice," he offered weakly.

"Don't be ridiculous," I sighed. Did she not see the love for her radiating off of me? "I've never been in better control of _that_ side of nature than right now." The pain of losing Bella was much worse than the burn of my thirst could ever be.

She didn't argue with me. Instead stayed in my arms and looked into my eyes. I wondered what she was thinking. Did she see the same Edward as the one who had let her? Or was she looking at a very different person, one who hadn't had human—or vampire—contact in months before this.

_How are we going to get home? _Alice asked.

"Plane, I suppose," I said.

"Yes, I know that," Alice said annoyed. "A car to Florence or plane?"

"Car, plane will take to long to wait for," I stated. "Do you have a car?" I asked. Images of a stolen yellow Porsche filtered through her mind.

"Maybe something a little more conspicuous this time, Alice," I suggested

"Because you're an expert at that," she muttered. I felt terrible. _You really scared us there, Edward. _

"I know, I'm sorry. Let's focus on getting home first," I suggested. Bella was to frighten to sleep here.

Alice nodded. "I'll steal another car and return the Porsche. Then retrieve Bella's things." She spoke quickly in hushed tones so Gianna wouldn't overhear.

_Thank God that was all over, _she thought to herself. _So confusing! I could see my future flash before my eyes, a very indecisive situation. I thought I would never see Jasper again…_she shook her head. _I didn't understand half the conversation…_

"What was all that talk about _singers,"_ Alice asked out loud.

"_La tua cantante," _I repeated.

"Yes, that," she agreed.

"They have a name for someone who smells the way Bella does to me. They call her my _singer_—because her blood sings for me," I explained.

Alice laughed.

Alice and I were able to keep up conversation. Although I would much rather be talking to Bella it was neither the time nor place. Though the pull between sometimes would be too great and I would place kisses on her hair, forehead, nose never her lips though. I wasn't sure if she would allow that. I listened to her heart race. The sound was familiar, it sounded like home.

Alice's head and mine snapped up at the same time. Alec.

_Mmmm, Heidi does do a fantastic job. I wonder what my singer would taste like… _I tightened my arms around Bella. Praying that the news stayed good. Alice and I watched the back of the room until her emerged with bright crimson eyes. Bella cringed and I pulled her closer.

"You're free to leave now," he said warmly. "We ask that you don't linger in the city," _or building. _He added silently. That was no problem.

"That wont be a problem," I said curtly.

_I'll see Jasper in a few hours now, _Alice thought brightly.

_Ah, so he's not staying, a spot still open for me, _Gianna thought.

Alec disappeared back from the door in which he came.

"Follow the right hallway around the corner to the first set of elevators," Gianna said from across the room as I lifted Bella to her feet. "The lobby is two floors down, and exits to the street. Goodbye, now," her tone was pleasant but her thoughts were solely on wanting us to leave. Alice glared at her after seeing her future; she would be getting what she wanted.

The way out of the castle was shorter. We were back in the city in ten and a half minutes. I did not look back on the horrid place but Bella did. I could almost see her shudder.

_I'll meet you outside the gates. I'm going to get her things then a car, _Alice told me. I nodded.

The party did not cease during our mortifying escapade. Now more people were dressed in cloaks like mine. Children and adults ran around with plastic fangs. No one threw us a second glance as they did earlier.

"Ridiculous," I muttered.

"Where's Alice," Bella ignored my comment.

"She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them this morning."

"She's stealing a car, too, isn't she?"

I grinned, typical Bella. "Not till we're outside."

We continued to make our way through the throng of people. It was disturbing watching them celebrate the vampires that almost killed us. Bella's footsteps were slower and heavier then ever before. She hadn't slept yesterday or today. I wrapped my arm around her waist again and half carried her to the entrance.

We finally made our way out of the streets and tunnels where Alice was, inside a BMW. I refused to let go of Bella as I slide us into the backseat.

"I'm sorry," she waved her hand to the dashboard. "There wasn't much to choose from," she sighed. _If only the owner was out of town today. That car was amazing! _

"It's fine, Alice," I chuckled. "They can't all be 911 Turbos."

"I might have to acquire one of those legally. It was fabulous," she trilled.

"I'll get you one for Christmas," I promised completely serious. I owed her much for saving me.

"Yellow," she beamed at me. _Leather interior also! _

I adjusted the wool cloak around Bella so she would be comfortable.

"You can sleep now, Bella," I murmured. "It's over," I promised. She was safe and out of Volterra. I was keeping her that way, no matter what. Bella swallowed hard before answering.

"I don't want to sleep. I'm not tired," she lied. I could tell she was fighting her weariness off. The purple circles under her eyes were becoming more prominent. I kissed the spot under her ear "Try," I pleaded.

She shook her head no.

"You're still just as stubborn," I pointed out. She was still the silly, beautiful, magnificent, stubborn girl I feel in love with. I just didn't know if she loved me back anymore. It was nice to imagine she did. That she was willing to forgive me and still loved me back. But I knew that was just a dream, Bella was to smart to expose herself to me again. I would try though, in hope, just in case.

I thought she might succumb into the sleep throughout the rest of the dark ride but she didn't. When we reached the Florence airport her eyes visibly widen from the bright lights. As we waited for our flight Bella used the bathroom to wash what she could of the day off of her. I changed my clothes and discarded the horrible shroud. Bella didn't sleep during the flight to Rome, and when we boarded for Atlanta she order a Coke.

"Bella," I groaned. She would never sleep after consuming caffeine.

"I don't want to sleep," she protested. "If I close my eyes now, I'll see things I don't want to see. I'll have nightmares." I couldn't argue with her when she said that. Charlie Swan's voice floated into my head. _"__I still hear her scream in her sleep…" _

Alice had called Jasper immediately and was murmuring to him now.

"I know Jazz, I'm sorry." There was a pause where Jasper spoke too quietly for me to hear. "Yes, he's fine. Both of them—"pause—"I love you to. I'll see you soon." Then she hung up. They were lucky. They had each other forever.

It was bliss to hold Bella in my arms for the entire flight. To trace the lines of her face and press kisses on top of her head. I committed her features to my memory again. There were small differences in her face. Her check bones had become more defined and her eye lashes thicker. She was a vision.

I treated the moment like she loved me as I her. After months of drowning in sorrow and grief I finally surfaced. I had forgotten how good it felt to be with her—how _complete. _But it also felt right, like I was back where I belonged. In her arms.

I didn't speak during the flight, nor did she. I decided against it—although I was extremely curious to know what she was thinking—I didn't want to ruin the our time together. I was afraid that if I said something she would run screaming or burst into sobs--that would break my heart. Or more likely, yell at me for abandoning her for nearly eight months and leaving her in the woods. I deserved all of them. So I settled on not saying anything. Keeping my concern and curiosity to myself, resorting to staring at her beauty. I was entirely fine with that at the time.

Much to my demise Bella never napped. When the sun rose over the horizon I closed her window, hoping to shut out the sunlight so she would sleep like the rest of the human passengers. Seven months apart I had forgotten not to underestimate her. She gave up blinking all together and stared at me as I did her. I hoped it was in love not disgust. With my luck though, it was disgust.

When we landed Alice and I searched for our family. I heard Jasper before I saw him. I had missed my empathic brother but this was no time to say hello. His mind was only for Alice.

_Alice! I can smell her! Oh Lord, I though I was never going to see her again! Edward owes us! _That I did. Alice was no better.

_Jasper! He's right by the man in the hat. I'll see him in three…two...one…There he is! _Alice ran to his side and they merely looked into one another's eyes. The looks they shared spoke volumes.

Next was Carlisle and Esme. I was relieved to see my parents more than ever and I knew I owed them also. I just hope they would let me live with them again, after the mess I created.

_Edward my son! He looks happier than ever. And my daughter, Bella, too. How I missed them. _Esme embraced Bella tightly, though I refused to let go of her waist.

"Thank you so much," I heard her whisper to Bella. The she turned to me and my grin turned sheepish. Her mind was buzzing with things to say so rapidly that I couldn't keep track. Esme took me in her arms. How could I ever think my family was a miniscule part of my life?

"You will _never_ put me through that again," she growled.

"Sorry, Mom" I sighed.

_Oh that boy knows how to get on my good side,_ she thought.

_Edward, we'll speak later, _Carlisle warned. I nodded; it was difficult to tell if he was angry or pleased. "Thank you, Bella," said Carlisle. "We owe you."

"Hardly," she mumbled sleepily.

_Ah Bella, just the same, _thought Carlisle.

"She's dead on her feet," Esme scolded me. "Let's get her home." _Edward you should be taking better care of her. She can barely move! _I didn't argue, I knew she was right.

Esme and I helped support Bella's weight as she tripped through the airport. Jasper and Alice caught up to us eventually. Each to caught up in their reunion to notice anyone else.

When we arrived at the car I was surprised Bella was still awake enough to walk. I was ready to take Bella home for the rest she so desperately needed. Then tensed when I saw Rosalie with Emmett standing by the sleek sedan.

"Don't," Esme whispered when she realized I was ready to fight her. "She feels awful."

"She should," I said loudly enough for her to hear. What kind of person tells people their only love is dead? Livid wasn't a strong enough word.

"Ish nah er fal" Bella garbled, half asleep. I'm sure meaning to say, "Its not her fault."

"Let her make amends," Esme begged. "We'll ride with Alice and Jasper." I continued to glare at Rosalie, not sure if being in the same car with her was such a good idea.

"Please, Edward," said Bella more clearly now.

_Edward, I am so, so, so, so, sorry! I feel horrid, _thought Rosalie. The others had already left and I didn't think Bella would far well with running home. So I began to tow her to the car.

Emmett sat in the driver seat while Rosalie got in next to him.

_Finally we're all back together again,_ thought Emmett. _I gotta say Edward you take first place for stupid stunts, kid, _I ignored him. Bella and I sat huddled together in the back seat. Thankfully she decided to lay her head on my chest and close her eyes to get her much needed slumber.

_Edward I feel so absolutely terrible. I had no idea you had such strong feelings for her. If I had known this would have happened, I would have never called. I am so sorry. _

"Edward" she began.

"I know," I said hardly.

_Hey kid, watch it with my wife, _warned Emmett.

"Bella?" she said quieter. I wanted to hit her; she was just starting to fall asleep.

Bella's eyelids flew open. Thinking about it, Rosalie had never spoken directly to her before.

"Yes, Rosalie?" she asked carefully.

"I am so very sorry, Bella. I feel wretched about every part of this, and so grateful that you were brave enough to save my brother after what I did. Please say you'll forgive me?" She spoke very truthfully but very embarrassed to put herself below a human. Some things never change. You can always count on Rosalie to put herself on top.

"Of course, Rosalie," Bella mumbled always willing to forgive. "It's not your fault at all. I'm the one who jumped off the damn cliff. Of course I forgive you," her words blurred together from lack of sleep.

"It doesn't count until she's conscious, Rose," Emmett laughed. _Bella never ceases to crack me up. _

"I'm conscious," she sighed making her best attempt to talk. She was so cute.

"Let her sleep," I insisted.

We fell quiet then. Bella eventually did surrender to sleep. She did not start talking, to my disappointment. I was glad that she finally got rest. It looked as if she hadn't slept in three days, which was probably true also.

Emmett eventually pulled up to Bella's drive way.

"I'll wait here," he suggested. I nodded and lifted Bella in my arms—she was visibly lighter than when I left. _"She wouldn't eat or drink." _I remembered and shuddered.

Charlie charged out of the front door when he caught sight of me.

_That moron! Thinking he could just walk up here after what he did to her! After taking her away for three days! If she is hurt he'd better run…_ to say Charlie was furious was an understatement.

"Bella!" he shouted. _Why is he holding her? _

"Charlie," Bella mumbled coming out of her sleep.

"Shh," I whispered. "It's okay; you're home and safe. Just sleep."

"I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here," he roared, jogging to us now.

"Stop it, Dad," Bella gargled. Charlie was to caught up in his rage to hear.

"What's wrong with her?" he demanded. _If she has so much as one scratch on her, I swear I'll send him in the clink! _

"She's just very tired, Charlie," I didn't fight his resentment. I deserved much worse. "Please let her rest," I would never ask anything of Charlie again. But if Bella's health were on the line, then I'd make an exception.

"Don't tell me what to do!" he bellowed. "Give her to me. Get your hands off her!" he hollered. I tried to shift Bella into his arms but she fought against her sleep and clung to my shirt. Charlie tried to pull her arm away but Bella had weaved her fingers around the collar of my shirt.

I felt smug; did this mean she wanted me? Or maybe wanted to stay away from the rage of her father? That seemed more reasonable.

"Cut it out, Dad," she said louder finding the strength to open her eyes. "Be mad at _me."_

_Be mad at her! Of course I will! Leaving me with one pitiful note for _three_ days! She'll be lucky to see the light of day ever again. And _he_ is never seeing her ever again. _

"You bet I will be" he guaranteed. "Get inside," _and stay there. _

"'Kay. Let me down," she mumbled. I did as she said and Bella attempted to walk toward the door. She was about to land on the concrete before a caught her.

"Just let me get her upstairs. Then I'll leave," I lied. There was no chance of me leaving unless Bella said.

"No" Bella groaned from my arms.

"I wont be far," I breathed just so she could hear.

_Fine, that's all he gets. Then he goes and never comes back, _he thought. I headed the door before he answered out loud.

Her house was just as I remembered it, quaint and simple. I made my way up the stairs to her room. It hadn't changed much, although I did notice the missing books and CD's. It was also filled with her scent that was days old. I went to set her on the bed—one that brought back many memories that I couldn't think about until I spoke to Bella. She refused to let go again and I tried to pry her fingers off of my shirt.

"I'll be back soon, Bella. Sweet dreams," I murmured and kissed her forehead. Her heart slowed and breathing deepened. "I love you," I breathed when I was sure she was sleeping. With Bella asleep I went to face her father.


	16. Promises

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight **

**A/N: sorry to the people who don't like lengthy chapters. This one is 14 pgs. A new personal best. Woohoo! **

"_I'll be back soon, Bella. Sweet dreams," I murmured and kissed her forehead. Her heart slowed and breathing deepened. "I love you," I breathed when I was sure she was sleeping. With Bella asleep I went to face her father. _

***

I don't think Charlie has ever been this mad ever before. He considered shooting me.

"Charlie, I'm sorry b—" I started to say.

"Sorry? Sorry doesn't cut it kid." _He doesn't know what he did to her. _" Don't expect me to forgive you after what _you _did to _my _daughter!" he yelled. Flashes of Bella entered his mind. Bella not responding to anyone, Bella not eating, Bella screaming in her sleep…what have I done? "If you ever go _near___her again I'll have you arrested. That's a promise," threatened Charlie. I let him continued. His rage was nothing compared to my sorrow. "Don't you _ever_ walk through my door again," he pointed to the front door. "Starting now!" The intent was clear, there was nothing I could say to calm him.

I walked toward the front door, but before opening it I faced him.

"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt your daughter," I apologized.

_He doesn't even know the half of it. _"Leave," he demanded. I walked down the Swan's driveway and glanced at Bella's window one more time. Hopefully I would be with her soon.

Once Emmett pulled out of the driveway he started howling with laughter.

"Ha!" he gasped. "I never thought I'd see the day where Charlie Swan gave _you_ an ass kicking!" His laughter shook the whole sedan. I just glared at him. I almost get Bella killed and now she may hate me. Yet Emmett laughs.

"Very funny, Emmett" I muttered.

_Hey I haven't seen anything this funny in…Hell I haven't seen anything this funny in months. Good to have ya back, kid. _Emmett never stays angry for long. He was too busy looking for fun.

"Thanks, Em."

_Edward, again. I feel awful about everything that happened. Can you forgive me, eventually? _

"Eventually," I agreed. She sighed.

_Hey man, take it easier on Rose you should have seen her. She really does feel bad, _Emmett thought.

"Eventually," I repeated coldly. Like Rosalie he sighed.

The rest of the ride was silent. We made it home quickly as Emmett pushed the sedan to its limits.

Our home hadn't changed much. There were a few articles missing, like paintings or antiques that had moved with us. Other than that no human would ever recall the difference. I had missed this house more than any.

Everyone was scattered about our home. Alice and Jasper were in their room, relishing in each other's presence. Esme was cleaning the top floor. Rosalie and Emmett had just sat down on the loveseat. Carlisle was in his study, calling me.

_Edward, may I speak with you? _he asked. I was in his office entryway in a tenth of a second.

"Yes?" I asked, though I knew where this conversation was going.

_Take a seat son, _he suggested. It had seemed like ages ago the last time I talked to Carlisle. So many things had changed in such a short amount of time. I did as he said.

_Do you mind explaining what exactly happened? _his mental tone was not disapproving nor upset, but concerned and curious.

I blew out a big breath before speaking. "When I got the fall from Rosalie…I—I can't even describe it. I felt horrible, I don't know how to explain it," my head sank into my hands. Carlisle said nothing, waiting for me to finish. "Then I called her house, hoping to speak with Charlie. Just to check to see if Rosalie was joking—"

_You called her house? _

"Under your name," I said sheepishly. He gave me a disapproving glance but let me continue. "A young man answered her phone. I asked to speak to Charlie and when he said he was out I asked where." I grimaced. "He said he was at the funeral," the words still haunted me.

_But if it wasn't Bella's…_

"He was at a friends funeral," I clarified.

_I see, continue. _

"I hung up then, and sat there for some time. I went running but it didn't seem to clear my head. I couldn't handle the pain. Carlisle it was wretched, I don't think I can rationalize. It was like my whole world collapse around me." I shook my head trying to shake away the memories. Without Bella there I could feel myself sinking under the memories.

_Then you went Italy? _he thought.

"Yes, first I confronted them. I showed Aro my story—he sends his regards, by the way—he thought my talent to valuable to give up.

"I left their castle to find a way that would demand my death." Carlisle was having as hard of a time listening to my story as I was telling it. "I decided to expose myself in the sunlight."

_Melodramatic, _Carlisle thought to himself.

"I suppose so. It was my frame of mind at the time," I agreed. Numerous times Carlisle had told me his story from the beginning. When he too, tried to doom himself in. He had never been hesitant about it; I don't know what made me embarrassed now. I had never been uncomfortable talking to him until this instant.

"I was close, too," I continued. "If Bella had gotten there a second later, I wouldn't be here," I could see the slight grimace come across his face. "Eventually Alice joined us and they forced us into their palace."

_Forced?_

"Jane."

_Ah, I see. _

"Yes. At first Aro tried to coax us into joining them. He even asked Bella," I shuddered. "He found her abilities interesting. She was immune to both Jane and Aro."

_Yes, I know. _

"You know?" I questioned.

_Yes Alice told Esme and I the story earlier,_ he informed.

"Then why…?"

_I just wanted to see your side of the story. Especially what would make you think you could take yourself from us, permanently, _the look he gave me was more stern, and worried.

"I'm sorry Carlisle. I didn't think, I just wanted to end the _pain,_" my voice broke.

_You will _never_ do that to us again, _he nearly mirrored Esme's words.

"Sorry, Dad," I said hoping it would have the same effect on him as it did Esme.

He chuckled.

_How is Bella holding up? _

"I'm not sure. It's all ways hard to tell with her. She hasn't said anything about it yet. I want to go check on her soon," I said.

_Do you know what you're going to do?_ asked Carlisle. I racked my hands through my hair.

"I'm not sure. I need to talk to her, see if she'll forgive me."

_I'm positive she will, Edward, _he assured.

I nodded, still unsure.

_I let you go to her, _he sighed. _Everything will work out. _

"Thank you, Carlisle. For everything. I'm sorry."

_Of course, son. _

I stood and walked out from his office. He stopped me before I exited.

_Oh, and Edward? _I turned to face him at the doorframe.

"Yes?"

_Never again, _he stated.

"Never again," I agreed.

I had never ran faster than I had to Bella's house. I checked on Charlie's thoughts to make sure he was sleeping, though if he wasn't I'm not sure if that would stop me. Lifting her window carefully, to be sure it did not make a sound I slipped into her room. Her scent was stronger now, a sweet lavender strawberry freesias scent that I missed. I took a deep breath and got used to the fire in my throat once more.

I sat in the rocking chair. It was symbolic, really. The chair that I sat in the night I realized I loved her. The thought that it may be the chair I sit it when Bella tells me she doesn't was fearsome.

Bella sighed in her sleep. "Edward."

My ears perked up. I had missed her sleep talking dearly, but did she still say my name? Bella fidgeted in her sleep. "Edward," she mumbled again. I sat forward in the chair intently. "No," she muttered. "Don't. Don't go."

My heart broke, how badly had I hurt her? Could she ever forgive me?

"Please, no. Don't leave," her voice was more urgent. I went to lie beside her on her bed. "Don't leave," she repeated louder, sadder.

"Shh, Bella. I'm not going anywhere," I murmured to her. I'm not sure if her subconscious heard me, but her pleads stopped.

"Edward," she said again.

"Yes, Bella. I'm here." She didn't speak for five minutes after that. When she did, though, I was dumfounded.

"Jacob."

As Bella's heartbeat quicken I braced myself for the worst—or inevitable. There was a very good chance she would never want to see me again. And if that happened I would disappear from her life. I would recede into the shadows and protect her from anything that would come her way, and secretly wait to see of she would ever want me back.

She woke in my arms but did not open her eyes. I feared it was because she sensed me beside her and did not want me there. I stayed perfectly still—something that came easily to my kind—and waited to see her chocolate brown eyes.

Bella took a deep breath. I could hear the whoosh of air pass into her lungs. But she still did not open her eyes.

I touched her forehead lightly, checking to see if I had gotten her sick. Mostly, though, because I couldn't control myself. In reaction to my touch her eyes closed tighter for a second.

I wasn't sure what that meant. Was she surprised by my touch? Did she want me to leave? Did she enjoy being back in my arms as I enjoyed holding her? Was she ever going to open her eyes? What was she _thinking_?

Another sigh escaped her lips and her lids slowly opened. I held my face inches away from hers, in anticipation to look into her eyes. To see if they had any answers to my questions.

"Oh!" she gasped and threw her tiny fists over her eyes. Closing them immediately. What had I done? Was she angry or had I scared her? I waited for her to regain her breath for a moment, and she timidly opened her eyes once more.

"Did I frighten you?" I asked my first question anxiously.

At first she didn't answer, which worried me. In response she blinked twice blankly. Her eyes only held questions, not answers. But I thought I saw something else there too. Fear? Excitement? What was she thinking?

"Oh, _crap_," she moaned suddenly. What had I done?

"What's wrong Bella?" I asked apprehensively. I wish I could hear her thoughts. She frowned at me. Did that mean she was unhappy with my presence?

"I'm dead, right?" she croaked. "I _did _drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie."

This time it was my turn to frown. What kind of nightmares was she having?

"You're not dead," I stated.

"Then why am I not waking up?" she challenged both of her eyebrows shooting upward.

"You _are_ awake, Bella."

"Sure, sure," she shook her head sarcastically. "That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. _If _I wake up, which I wont because I'm dead. This awful. Poor Charlie. And Renée and Jake…" Bella's logic always confused me. Why would she be wallowing for her parents if she were dead? And how close was she to this Jake child? I guess it really shouldn't confuse me though, she thought she was dead. Here, with me, in hell. But why would perfect and innocent Bella be in hell?

"I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare," I grinned grimly. "But I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many murders while I was away?" My joke probably wasn't very funny considering the number of murders _I _committed.

"Obviously not. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me."

I sighed, something's never change. Even in possible delirium Bella never ceases to amaze me.

"Did all of that really happen then?" I could see her eyes flicker with uncertainty. I was having a hard time keeping track of her train of thought.

"That depends," I'm sure my smile wasn't as friendly as I intended it to be. "If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then yes," I confirmed, wishing I could tell her it was all a dream. That those past seven months was a horrid nightmare.

"How strange," she mused, almost happily. "I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been father east tan Albuquerque?"

I rolled my eyes. Bella _would _think about where she was. Not that I almost got her murdered. "Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're not coherent."

"I'm not tired anymore," she protested. "What time is it? How long have I been sleeping?"

"It's just after one in the morning. So, about fourteen hours."

"Charlie?" she asked as she stretched out her muscle. Other than her talking, it was the soundest sleep I had ever seen her have.

"Sleeping. You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window…. But, still, the intent was clear."

"Charlie banned you from the house?" I could see Bella's tiger-kitten anger glimmer in her eyes.

"Did you expect anything else?" I asked. After seeing what he saw in Bella when I left. I was surprised he _didn't _shoot. I deserved worse, and certainly not Bella.

"What's the story?" she wondered suddenly, anger still apparent in her deep eyes. Hadn't I just confirmed that we were almost murdered in Italy?

"What do you mean?"

"What am I telling Charlie? What's the excuse for disappearing for…how long was I gone, anyway?"

"Just three days," I said when I saw her lips counting over the hours. "Actually, I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing," I probably should have been thinking of an excuse during those fourteen hours. But I couldn't bring myself to think about anything other than the angel sleeping in my arms.

"Fabulous," she grumbled.

"Well, maybe Alice will come up with something," I suggested. I had a feeling the rest of the family was a little against me at the moment.

She didn't continue on the subject. I saw her face softened and hoped my suggestion comforted her.

"So," she began casually. "What have you been doing, up until three days ago?"

I turned away from her so she couldn't spot my lie. "Nothing terribly exciting." I really hadn't done anything. I did have a goal, to get Victoria. But it would be truthful to say I did not do well.

"Of course not," her face soured.

"Why are you making that face?"

"Well…." She pursed her lips. "If you were, after all, just a dream, that's exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination must be used up." I wondered what she had used her imagination on. Had her nightmares come often?

"If I tell you, will you finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?"

"Nightmare!" she exclaimed. I ignored that comment and waited for her answer. "Maybe. If you tell me."

What was I supposed to say? That I was tracking down a vampire that tried to kill you last summer because I still loved you and wanted you to be safe? That I was thinking of you the whole time I was away wishing that I were human so I could stay? That I abandoned my family because I couldn't stand their happiness without you?

Keep it light.

"I was…hunting," I answered weakly.

"Is that the best you can do?" she criticized. "The definitely doesn't prove I'm awake."

I paused to gather my thoughts then choose my words carefully, not wanting to scare her. "I wasn't hunting for food…I was actually trying my hand at…tracking. I'm not very good at it." If I were, Victoria would be dead. Not so near to Bella. I hoped she wouldn't ask, but she did.

"What were you tracking?"

"Nothing of consequence," I shrugged nonchalantly. I hoped my face didn't give anything away.

"I don't understand," proclaimed Bella.

I hesitated again. Wondering if I should tell her the whole truth. If what Alice had told me was true, then Bella already knew about Victoria. But after seeing her reaction to yesterday's events I wasn't quite sure. I knew what I wanted to tell her, which was how sorry I was. I knew what I should tell her, that it wasn't very important. I just didn't know how to tell her.

"I—" I took a deep breath, still unsure of what I was about to say. "I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know"—the words flew out of my mouth so fast that I couldn't control what I was saying. I hoped she could still understand me because I knew I wouldn't be able to repeat it—"that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was safe for you here. So safe." I repeated that last part mostly for myself. I was an idiot, nowhere was safe with Bella attracting danger. "I had no idea that Victoria—" I suppressed a hiss that came with her name—"would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James's thoughts. But I just didn't see that she has this kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now—she was so sire of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her." All the pieces fell into place as I talked. "It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him—that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there.

"Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face. When I heard what you told Alice—what she saw herself—when I realized you had put your life in the hands of _werewolves_, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself"—this time I could not stop the shudder that came with thinking of what I had left her with. That I had left Bella here with Victoria on the rise and only _dogs _to fend her off. "Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for—"

"Stop," she interrupted. I looked into her eyes hoping she felt how dreadfully sorry I was. She stared back closely. I waited for her to continue speaking.

"Edward," my name on her lips sounded heavenly. She paused again and I thought he had forgotten she was speaking until she said. "This has to stop now." My heart sank even though it shouldn't have. I knew she would want me to leave sooner or later. "You cant think about things that way," her words took and different direction, rekindle what little hope I had. "You cant let this…this _guilt_…rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault, its just part of how life _is _me," she explained.

Bella didn't understand it _was _my fault. If I hadn't of left, she wouldn't have gone running to wolves. If I hadn't left I could have stopped Victoria before she got to close. If I had been strong enough when I first meet her, none of this would have happened. Her life would be free of danger and mystical creatures.

"So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame," Bella continued. "You cant just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and _not your fault. _I know it's your….your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really cant let that make you go to such extremes! It's very irresponsible—think of Esme and Carlisle and—"

When she stopped to take a breath I looked at her partly angry, partly surprised, but mostly disappointed in myself. Had she really believed I wanted to end my life because I felt _guilty_? I had been that unclear with her? Did she really believe I _didn'_t love her? I was staggered.

"Isabella Marie Swan," I said in no more than a whispered. "Do you believe that I asked the Volturi to kill myself _because I felt guilty_?"

"Didn't you?" she asked simply.

"Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend." The guilt had been eating me away, but it wasn't what drove me off to Italy.

"Then…what are you saying? I don't understand."

"Bella, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead," I said fiercely. All my thoughts about keeping it light, and not overwhelming her was out the window. "Even if I'd had no hand in your death"—it was still hard to say the word. Even with her by my side. "Even if it _wasn't _my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful—I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy had said Charlie was at the funeral what are the odds?

"The odds…" I muttered. Would I see the day when the odds are in our favor? "The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Romeo again," I vowed.

"But I still don't understand. That's my whole point. So what?"

Had I heard her correctly? "Excuse me?"

"So what if I _was _dead?"

I stared at her completely and utterly shocked. Was she kidding? It wasn't very funny. So what if she was _dead_? She was my whole world! How was I supposed to live without her? "Don't you remember anything I told you before?" I demanded.

"I remember _everything _that you told me," Bella said. Apparently not, or she wouldn't be under the delusion that I didn't love her.

I traced her lower lip with my fingers. "Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension," I shook my head back and forth. How could I let this happen? I smiled, it was almost funny how irrational the thought that I didn't love her was. "I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I cant live in a world where you don't exist," I stated. Even if she didn't share my feelings I had to tell her. I couldn't lie to her anymore.

"I am…" her eyebrows furrowed. "Confused," she confessed. Had my lies really have stuck with her that much?

"I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be," I admitted.

Her response was shocking. Her body locked down. Her muscles went tense from their position. Her eyes swam with tears were about to form. She had misunderstood. I shook her shoulder trying to relax her. "Let me finish!" I added hastily. "I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly" I winced. I thought I would have to convince her for days, not minutes. "That was…excruciating."

Bella didn't move as I continued.

"When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye—" I paused, trying to make her see things from my eyes. "You weren't going to let go," I breathed. "I could see that. I didn't want to do it—it felt like it would kill me to do it"—and it _did _kill me. I was lifeless, and surely the pain I felt when I said I didn't want her _would _kill a human. "But I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought _I'd _move on, so would you."

"A clean break," she repeated my words from so many months ago.

"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible—that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant a seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry—sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry," I spilled my heart out to her, now that I had it back. Everything seemed to make more sense as I spoke to her. I realized what I was feeling while telling the truth to Bella.

"But how could you believe me?" I continued still taken aback by the idea. "After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?"

Bella didn't answer, so I kept talking. Wondering if the flow if my words would ever end.

"I could see it in her eyes, that you honestly _believed_ that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept—as if there were any way that I could exist without needing _you_!"

Unlike the day in the forest she didn't believe. Her eyes were uncomprehending. She still had the ludicrous idea I didn't want her. Would she ever see the reality?

I shook her fragile shoulder again, careful not to hurt her. Still, no answer.

"Bella," I sighed. "Really, what were you thinking!"

I was glad she responded now but I wasn't expecting her to react like this. I thought she would yell, run, or throw me out. Instead tears welled in her eyes and started to run down her cheeks.

"I knew it," she sobbed. "I _knew _I was dreaming."

"Your impossible," I sighed. Then laughed frustrated, she still insisted she was _dreaming. _Not in hell, not a nightmare. A _dream. _"How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I _have _always loved you, and I _will_ always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

Bella shook her head while the tears still gushed down her face from the corner of her eyes down to her chin. "You don't believe me, do you?" I felt terrible, had I planted that much mistrust in her? Could I ever get it back? "Why can you believe a lie, but not the truth?" I wondered.

"It never made sense for you to love me," her voice broke. "I always knew that."

I narrowed my eyes. Odd, I had thought the same thing about her. There had to be a way to show her I loved her and that she wasn't dreaming. If Bella wanted to act like Sleeping Beauty, then I would wake her. "I'll prove you're awake," I vowed taking her delicate face in my hands. She tried to turn away but I wouldn't let her. She had to know how I felt about her.

"Please don't," she begged right before our lips touched. Her sweet breath blew in my mouth.

"Why not?" I demanded getting impatient. I had been to far away from her to wait now.

"When I wake up,"—I was about to argue—"okay, forget that one—when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this too."

I pulled back to look in her eyes, but kept her face in my hands. When I _leave _again? Did that mean she wanted me to leave? That she had found someone else? My head started to spin.

"Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were so…hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because you _have _moved on, as I meant for you to?" The idea was reasonable yet dreadful. "That would be…quite fair. I wont contest your decision. So try to spare my feelings, please—just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" I whispered.

"What kind of idiotic question is that?' she demanded. Did that mean she had moved on?

"Just answer it. Please."

The time it took for her to answer it was almost unbearable. I was going mad.

"The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I love you—and there's nothing you can do about it!" she exclaimed, and just like that my meteor was back and bright in my sky.

"That's all I need to hear." I pressed my lips to hers, fueling the meteor that I would never let go of again.

It was easier to kiss her than ever before, surprisingly. Possibly it was because that if I hurt her, it would be completely by accident. I didn't need to remind myself not to bite her. She _did _smell amazing—better than anyone ever before. And my throat _did _burn—but I knew what it was like to live without her--even when her death wasn't on my hands—that I knew I didn't have it in me to drink from her.

She kissed me back and I felt renewed. These past seven months didn't matter. All the pain I felt without her was gone. All that mattered was that she was here, in my arms, and _loved me. _I would never be stupid enough to let her go.

Eventually, I did have to pull away when I thought her heart might stop. It was beating erratically and I laid my ear against it. The sound was amazing.

"By the way," I said flippantly. "I'm not leaving."

She didn't reply again. A response I learned to know the meaning of. I lifted my face to hers so I could once again look her in the eyes. "I'm not going anywhere. Not without you," I said seriously. "I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you—keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do _something_, and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. Only _you_ could be more important than what I wanted…what I needed. What I want and need it to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay—thank heaven for that! It seems you _can't _be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us."

"Don't promise me anything," she muttered. I was angry with myself. I had promised her I would be with her then I left. Perhaps this wasn't something I could heal her from? I would hate to think that.

"You think I'm lying to you now?" I challenged.

"No—not lying," she said which confused me. She shook her head again trying to clear her mind that I so desperately wanted to read. "You could mean it…now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place? Or the next month, when Jasper takes a snap at me?"

I flinched.

Her eyes got that faraway look again and I knew she had receded into the recess of her mind for a moment. I was left only to guess what she was thinking. "It isn't as if you hadn't thought the first decision through, is it?" she guessed. "You'll end up doing what you think is right."

"I'm not as strong as you give me credit for," she really didn't know how weak I was trying to stay away from her. "Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to mean; I was coming back anyway," I admitted. The idea had come to my mind more than once or twice. It ended up being all I could think about. "Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. It was only a matter of time—and not much of it—before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that."

"Be serious, please," she insisted.

"Oh I am," I said. "Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?" Though I probably wouldn't be able to get closed to put my feelings for her into words.

I paused to analyze her face. To make sure she heard me, _really _heard me. I was about to attempt to tell her what I had been feeling since I meet her. "Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason….And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

"Your eyes will adjust," she muttered. If she were right, I wouldn't be here.

"That's the problem—they cant."

"What about your distractions?"

I laughed humorlessly. She really had remembered everything. All the lies at least. "Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction from the….the _agony_. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone—like I was hallow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you."

"That's funny," she mumbled.

I just explained the most painful experience of my life to her and she thought it was funny? I wasn't mad; she could call it anything she wanted to. I just didn't understand. "Funny?" I questioned.

"I meant strange—I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long." She took deep breath for an example. "And my heart. That was definitely lost."

I put my ear to her ear again, knowing what it was like to lose the sound.

"Tracking wasn't a distraction then?" she asked. Her voice was as beautiful as her heart.

"No," I sighed. "That was never a distraction. It was an obligation."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that, even though I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with…Well, like I said, I was horrible at it. I traced her as far as Texas, but then I followed a false led down to Brazil—and she really came here," I groaned. "I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while, worse than my worst fears—"

"You were hunting _Victoria,_" she hissed. Charlie thankfully did not wake up.

"Not well," I shrugged. Wondering what had caused her reaction. "But I'll do better this time. She wont be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out for much longer," I promised.

"That is…out of the question," she declared.

"Its too late for her. I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after—"

"Didn't you just promise that you weren't going to leave?" Bella interrupted "That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?"

I frowned, she was right. I wasn't strong enough to leave, even to go after Victoria. "I will keep my promise, Bella. But Victoria"—I snarled—"is going to die. Soon."

"Let's not be hasty. Maybe she's not coming back. Jake's pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria," she pointed out.

I narrowed my eyes. "It's true. The werewolves are a problem," I agreed. Yet another danger I drove her to by leaving.

She snorted like the idea of her being in danger with humans that explode into giant wolves without warning was ridiculous. "I wasn't talking about _Jacob. _My problems are a lot worse than a hand full of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble." She was right that wasn't her worst problem. Bella's worst problem was getting _herself_ in trouble with a handful of adolescent wolves.

I was about to tell her that, actually. I was about to tell her how dangerous and vile werewolves are. But I remembered the light in her eyes as she said Jacob's name. I remembered what Charlie told Alice.

"_He's good for Bella, you know."_

So I thought better of it. She had just accepted me back. I wasn't going to point out how dangerous her new friends were right away. I clenched my teeth so my harsh thoughts wouldn't slip out. "Really? Then what would be your greatest problem?" I demanded. "That would make Victoria's returning for you seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison?"

"How about second greatest?" she bargained.

"All right."

"There are others who are coming to look for me," she didn't dare say their name. I sighed, that would be an acceptable first greatest fear.

"The Volturi are only the _second _greatest."

"You don't seem that upset about it."

"Well, we have plenty of time to think it through. Time means something very different to them than it does to you, or even me. They count years the way you count days," I explained. "I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again."

I could see the panic written across her face.

"You don't have to be afraid," I comforted. "I wont let them hurt you."

"While you're here," her believe in me faltered again. I took her face in my hands forcing her to look me in the eyes.

"I will never leave you again," I said fervor.

"But you said _thirty_," she repeated more tears streaming down her face. "What? You're stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right," she said sarcastically.

I felt bad. Had I gave off the impression that I wasn't going to leave her until she got old? She didn't what she would give up if I changed her.

"That's exactly what I'm going to do. What choice have I? I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul."

"Is this really…" Bella trailed off unsure if she should continue.

"Yes?" I urged her to go on.

"But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your grandmother?"

My face softened immediately. I could tell why she was frightened. She thought I would out grow her with age. I began wiping her tears away. "That doesn't mean anything to me, I whispered. "You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Of course…" But what if _she _outgrew _me. _That would be reasonable, if she wanted someone her age. Someone she could relate to. "If you outgrew me—if you wanted something more—I would understand that, Bella. I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted me to leave," I said truthfully. It would be difficult, but I can't give her what a human could. A family, a lifetime with friends, growing old together.

"You do realize that I'll die eventually, right?" she stated bluntly.

"I'll follow after as soon as I can." Only next time I would be sure to get direct information.

"That is seriously…" she paused. "Sick."

"Bella, it's the only right way left—"

"Let's just back up for a minute," her voice grew angrier, impatient. "You do remember the Volturi, right? I cant stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me till I'm thirty"—she hissed thoroughly displeased—"do you really think they'll forget?"

"No" I had my plan made out in Volterra. "They wont forget. But…"

"But?" she insisted.

I grinned thinking of my plan. It would be nice to fight just on member of the Volturi.

"I have a few plans."

"And these plans" she spat. "These plans all center around me staying human."

"Naturally," I said curtly. Did she _want _to stay a monster? When she glowered at me I saw the answer.

Yes.

I returned her stare. I wouldn't let her give up her soul to fight a fire in her throat for the rest of time.

After a minute and eleven seconds of glaring Bella propped herself up.

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked anxiously. Had my opinions hurt her?

"No," she told me. "I'm leaving."

I had no idea where she meant to go as she tripped around her room searching for shoes.

"May I ask where you are going?"

"I'm going to your house," she said simply. I snatched her shoes from in front of the bed.

"Here are your shoes. How did you plan to get there?" I wondered, not knowing why she wanted to go to my house in the first place.

"My truck."

"That will probably wake Charlie," I said. For the first time I was glad she drove such an atrocious vehicle. I didn't want her to go. I wanted her to stay in my arms. Forever, favorably.

"I know," she sighed. "But honestly, I'll be grounded for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?"

"None. He'll blame me, not you." Charlie already blamed me for Bella running of for three days—he though I manipulated her.

"If you have a better idea, I'm all ears."

"Stay here," I suggested. Knowing that she wouldn't comply.

"No dice. But you go ahead and make yourself at home," she teased heading toward the door. I was blocking her way before she could blink. Bella merely frowned and turned to the opposite wall with a window. I had no idea if she was bluffing or not but I couldn't let her try.

"Okay," I gave up. "I'll give you a ride."

"Either way. But you probably should be there, too."

"And why is that?" I asked.

"Because you're extraordinarily opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want a chance to air your views." While that was probably correct, I still was unsure to what she was going on about. Though I did have an idea. No, she couldn't do that.

"My views on which subject?" I asked with a clenched jaw.

"This isn't just about you anymore. You're not the center of the universe, you know. If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say," said Bella. She couldn't mean….

"A say in what?" I demanded.

"My mortality. I'm putting it to vote."

**A/N: Uh-oh how will Edward react? Stay tuned to find out! I'll try to post tomorrow. **


	17. Bargains

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. **

"_My views on which subject?" I asked with a clenched jaw. _

"_This isn't just about you anymore. You're not the center of the universe, you know. If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say," said Bella. She couldn't mean…. _

"_A say in what?" I demanded. _

"_My mortality. I'm putting it to vote." _

*******

I was not pleased with her decision. But I couldn't say no to her. I didn't want to drive her off, and I had faith in my family that they would see my views. They knew what it was like to be a vampire; they wouldn't vote her into this life.

I took Bella in my arms and leaped from her window, landing stealthily on my feet. It had all happened within the time it took Bella to blink.

"All right then," I seethed still displeased with her idea. "Up you go."

I helped Bella as she lifted herself onto my back. Her arms locked around my neck, and legs around my waist. Before running I checked the neighbors, as well as Charlie's, thoughts quickly to make sure everyone was asleep. They were.

Though I couldn't run my fastest while carrying Bella it was easy and definitely preferable. I did my best to clear my mind as I ran. To gather my plans about the Volturi, but I couldn't think about much else other than Bella's chin on my shoulder and cheek against my neck.

Bella shifted her head to press her warm lips to my neck. It felt delightful.

"Thank you," I said while running. "Does that mean you've decided you're awake?"

Her response laugh was musical. I had missed it. "Not really. More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

"I'll earn your trust back somehow," I murmured, really only trying to convince myself. "If it's my final act," I vowed.

"I trust you. It's me I don't trust," she said simply. I'm sure it made sense in the Bella logic she used.

"Explain that, please." I slowed to a walk once we crossed the property line.

"Well—" she mulled over the words. "I don't trust myself to be…enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could hold you," she explained. I don't think I would ever understand the way she looked at herself. How could she think that? She was the _only _thing that held me.

I stopped in my tracks and reached to set her on the ground. I didn't free her wrists, though. Instead I pulled her closer and hugged her to my chest. Had my mistake hurt her enough to think she couldn't hold me? Deserve me?

"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," I murmured. "Never doubt that."

She didn't respond. Could this be her greatest problem?

"You never did tell me…" I trailed off.

"What?"

"What your greatest problem is."

"I'll give you one guess," she place her index finger on my nose. So I _had _hurt her enough to become her greatest problem.

"I'm worse than the Volturi," I nodded. "I guess I've earned that," I had done far, far worse.

"The worse the Volturi can do is kill me," she rolled her eyes as if it were a minor detail. I waited to see if she was joking.

"You can leave me," explained Bella. "The Volturi, Victoria…they're nothing compared to that."

Terrible wasn't a strong enough word to describe how I felt. If me leaving her was worse than Victoria, _and _the Volturi, and I had already done so…. I had just begun to grasp what she felt. In Bella's world I had done worse than kill her, I had taken her life away. Somehow by leaving I took apart of her that couldn't be replaced, and she had taken mine. I didn't deserve to have Bella take me back.

"Don't," she whispered placing her hands on this side of my face. "Don't be sad." But how could I not? After hearing what I had done to her how could I be anything be sad, and grieving?

I looked into her fierce eyes that looked to demanding to go along with her slender body and giving personality. Bella could take me out of any mood.

I pulled my mouth up at attempt of a smile. I would make this better. I had to. "If there was only some way to make you see that I _can't _leave you," I whispered. "Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you."

"Okay," Bella agreed quickly.

"So—since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?" she changed the subject in a light tone. I laughed thinking about my childish attempt to hide her things while not taking them from her. I had partly wished she had found them, to have a memory of me. Now, though, knowing what she went through, I was glad she didn't. It was much better being her in person, not picture.

"Your things were never gone," I confessed. "I knew it was wrong, since I promised out peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you."—If my heart wasn't adequate—"The CD, the pictures, the tickets—they're all under your floorboards."

"Really?"

The smile that spread across cheered me. At least I had made her smile once out of the many times she cried. It moderately softened my face.

"I think," Bella said slowly. "I'm not sure, but I wonder….I think maybe I knew it the whole time."

"What did you know?"

"Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing voices."

At first I wasn't sure of her what to make of her words. I didn't know if she was saying this just to make me feel better. But I didn't think she would make up anything about hearing voices. "Voices?" I repeated flatly.

"Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story," she continued. Was her pain as terrible as mine that she heard my voice as I heard hers? Did she see my face in her eyes too? I looked into her eyes and there was no trace of a lie.

"I've got time," I answered eventually when I was sure my voice would stay even.

"It's pretty pathetic."

I didn't argue.

She hesitated. "Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?"

How could I not? "You jumped off a cliff for fun," there was no tone in my voice. It was the only thing I could do to stop the overflow of emotions.

"Er, right. And before that, with the motorcycle—"

"Motorcycle?" I accidently let some dread leak through my voice. Not much, but just enough for Bella to notice. What had I driven her to?

"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part," she bit her lip.

"No."

"Well, about that… See, I found that… when I was doing something dangerous or stupid… I could remember you more clearly," she admitted. "I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much—it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt.

"And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all. I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me," she finished.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had left to protect her, and she risked her safety to hear _me_. I couldn't do anything correct. "You…were…risking your life…to hear—" I chocked.

"Shh," she interrupted. "Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."

While Bella thought over her epiphany I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I did not have as much expertise as Carlisle but I'm sure if Bella kept her silence for much longer I would be ill.

"Oh!" she gasped.

"Bella?"

"Oh. Okay. I see."

"Your epiphany?" I asked my voice still hadn't recovered from her latest information.

"You love me," she realized as if I hadn't been telling her that for an hour. Triumph washed through me as a half smile I knew she lived crossed my face.

"Truly I do," I promised.

I could the joy in her eyes that only added to my feelings of victory. She realized I loved her _and _was happy. To show her how much I truly wanted her I took Bella's face in my hands. I kissed her lightly at first but then it grew more intense. I put has much passion as I could into the kiss, while marveling how much easier to was. I still to remind myself to be gentle, but I didn't have to lock the monster away. He had already left willingly.

I leaned my forehead against hers so we could steady our breathing. I looked into her eyes and wondered how much trouble I had gotten her into. I knew it was possibly better than what I had done. She made an attempt to live. She went to school, work, took care of Charlie, and went out with friends—although I don't count the werewolves as something to celebrate. She tried to live with the pain, while I crumbled to it. How did I deserve her?

"You were better at it then I was, you know," I added.

"Better at what?"

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed to pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was… totally useless. I couldn't be around my family—I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me." I gave her a sheepish grin as I remembered the days where I _had _curled up into a ball and let the misery have me. "It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too."

She looked relieved by my confession. The lines formed in her forehead were relaxed. Her eyes returned to their normal loving expression. Her lips softened into a tiny smile.

"I only heard one voice," she teased, back to her normal personality. How I missed her!

I laughed for the first time in a long time. I had missed laughing; an idea that use to seem impossible was now natural, effortless. I pulled Bella securely to my side again and descended to the house.

"I'm just humoring you with this," I waved to my upcoming home. "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say." Even if she did get the majority vote--which was unlikely, they all understood how important Bella's humanity was—it didn't matter I wouldn't let her become a fiend. Bella was far, far too precious to become a monster.

"This affects them now, too."

I shrugged, Bella's civilization had nothing to do with them.

We walked through the front door. During my time away Esme had cleaned the whole house, I could only spot one speck of dust on the coffee table.

"Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Alice?" I said in a normal voice. They were all anticipating our arrival before we reached the house.

Carlisle was the first to arrive. "Welcome back, Bella," he greeted. "What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?" inquired Carlisle.

"I'd like to talk to everyone at once, it that's okay. About something important," she said.

_Is it correct to imagine everything worked out alright? _Carlisle thought, looking at me. My guarded expression was evident in his eyes. _What is the matter, Edward? _"Of course," Carlisle spoke. "Why don't we talk in the other room?"

We made our way behind Carlisle to the dinning room. It wasn't the first time we used the table to discus Bella. But it was the first time she joined the debate.

Carlisle held out the head chair for Bella, I sat on her left and Carlisle on her right. Esme came to sit beside Carlisle and was soon followed by my siblings. Alice was the only one who knew the center of the conversation.

"The floor is yours," Carlisle announced. Her heat beat speed up a tad and she swallowed hard. I took her hand in mine under the table but I glared at Alice.

_Edward you knew this was coming, _she thought. But I wouldn't let it happen, I couldn't.

"Well," Bella began. "I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"

"Everything" Alice piped.

Bella gave her a thankful glance. "And on the way?" she checked.

"That, too," she assured.

Bella sighed. "Good. Then we're all on the same page."

_Not, really. I have no clue what's going on, _thought a disgruntled Emmett. He hated being left out.

"So I have a problem. Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing—something to avoid."

_If the Volturi come back here, they might try to take Alice again, _worried Jasper.

"And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that," I grimaced. This wasn't about them. It was about Bella. "But if you don't want me, then I'm going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

_How could she ever think that? She's family; of course we want her, _thought Esme. Bella held up a finger before she could vocalize her thoughts.

"Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to vote. If you decide you don't want me, then…I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I cant have them coming here."

A growl built in my chest. Bella couldn't think that way; she couldn't go there alone. Actually I wouldn't allow her to go there. Period.

"Taking into account, then, that I wont put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire."

_Ha! That's what this is all about? _thought Emmett.

_She wants _us _to vote? _Jasper thought.

_No, _was the only though Rosalie had.

Bella nodded toward Carlisle to begin.

"Just a minute," I said. Bella glared at me and I squeezed her warm hand, it was staying that way. "I have something to add before we vote."

Bella sighed.

"About the danger Bella's referring to. I don't think we need to overly anxious," I hedged, leaning forward to make eye contact with each member of my family. They were more likely to listen to me if I looked in charge. "You see. There was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to cine them in," I grinned.

"Which was?" Alice was getting annoyed. I was "screwing up the future" as she called it.

"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone its not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" I looked at Bella, gauging her reaction. She shuddered. "He finds people—that's his talent, why they keep him.

"Now, the whole time we there with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker—a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the…flavor? I don't know how to describe it…the tenor…of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances.

"But after Aro's little experiments, well…" I shrugged. If she was immune to Aro, Jane and I, then Demetri should have trouble finding her.

"You think he wont be able to find me," Bella finished.

I smiled a smug smile. "I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

"And how does that solve anything?"

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless," I announced gleefully. "It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!"

_Nice plan, kid, _Emmett and I grinned at each other.

"But they can find you," Bella pointed out.

"And I can take care of myself."

_Even better! _Emmett laughed. "Excellent plan, my brother," Emmett's grin was now a full blow smile. I smacked Emmett's out stretched fist with mine.

_I will not let Emmett fight for Edward and his hum—Bella. _"No," Rosalie hissed.

"Absolutely not," agreed Bella.

_His plan is almost invincible. We have plenty of time to prepare a fight. _"Nice," Jasper nodded.

_No way! That wont work, why is he being so stubborn? _"Idiots," Alice hissed.

_Edward, I almost lost you. You're not picking a fight with them, _Esme glared at me.

"All right, then," Bella regained order. "Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider. Let's vote." Bella turned in my direction this time to look at me. "Do you want me to join your family?" she asked.

"Not in that way," I stated. "You're staying human," although if she did want to take on my name. _That _would be completely okay.

Bella nodded, keeping her expression straight.

"Alice?" she asked.

_Is she kidding? _"Yes." _Sorry Edward, you know how long I've been seeing this. _

"Jasper?"

_She's Alice's sister. I never got to talk to her, Alice would be so happy. _"Yes," _she's surprised. That seems fair, I did try to kill her. _

"Rosalie?"

_She wants to give up her humanity? That seems ludicrous, but after the mess I created, could I deny her this? But she would never be able to have children, her own little Henry. _"No."

Bella didn't let it affect her as she moved on. "Let me explain," Rosalie said. "I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that…this not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me." _At least I have Emmett. _

Bella nodded and turned to my brother, she didn't get a chance to ask him before he answered.

_Hell yes! _"Hell yes!" he boomed. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri."

Bella grimaced this time and looked at Esme.

_Everyone deserves a chance at happiness, Edward. _"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of my family," she spoke sincerely.

"Than you, Esme," she said turning to Carlisle--who's vote was most important. I had faith in him, he understood more than anybody.

_I'm sorry Edward. It's for the best, _he thought. I stared at him in bewilderment.

"No," I growled as my lips curled behind my teeth. How could my own father do this to me?

"It's the only way that makes sense," he insisted. "You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice."

I couldn't believe it. Carlisle himself, who understands what is like to see people die everyday, is voting for Bella's death. No worse than that, damnation. He was my father, mentor, friend, how could he betray me?

Once I felt myself losing control of my fury I dropped Bella's hand and removed myself from the room. The whole time snarling profanities under my breath at no one in particular.

"I guess you know my vote," I heard Carlisle sigh.

"Thanks." So that was it? They were just going to let Bella give up her soul? Did any of them see the cost? I drove my fist into the first thing I saw. The plasma screen blew into pieces flying everywhere. Emmett would be upset and Esme would make me gather the shards that had flown across the room. I didn't care. They had already given up something much more precious.

I heard Bella thank them in the other room as I tried to control my breathing.

"Well, Alice. Where do you want this?" Bella asked. She couldn't be serious.

"No! No! NO!" I roared, back at Bella's side in an instant. Something had gone wrong in Volterra. She had lost her mind. "Are you insane?" I bellowed. "Have you utterly lost your mind?" I exploded, faintly noticing how Bella cringed away from me and covered her ears. I was too livid to care.

"Um, Bella," Alice hesitated. "I don't think I'm ready for that. I'll need to prepare…" _Bite Bella? I don't know if I'm strong enough. What if I kill her? _

"You promised."

"I know, but…Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how not to kill you."

"You can do it. I trust you," Bella amended. I snarled. Alice was _not_ doing this. I didn't trust her. Alice shook her head in protest.

"Carlisle?" she asked. I caught her face with my hand before she could look at him. My other hand was palm up face Carlisle.

_Edward, son. You need to calm down, _Carlisle order. I didn't listen, not even Jasper could calm me. "I'm able to do it," answered Carlisle ignoring my protests. "You would be in no danger of me losing control."

"Sounds good," she mumbled despite my lock on her jaw.

"Hold on," I hissed. "It doesn't have to be now."

"There's no reason for it not to be now," Bella said without moving her jaw.

"I can think of a few."

"Of course you can," she muttered. "Now let go of me."

I couldn't refuse her that. I released her mouth. "In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."

"All three of them," she frowned.

"In the interest of remaining inconspicuous," I said through my teeth. "I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house," I could use more time. She was being impulsive; I could show her what she was giving up.

"That's a reasonable request, Bella," Carlisle agreed.

"I should probably take you home," I suggested before she could ask for any other live threatening favor. "Just in case Charlie wakes up early."

She didn't look at me, but Carlisle. "After graduation?" she checked.

"You have my word."

Bella blew out a deep breath and smiled at me in victory. "Okay. You can take me home."

I hurried her to back door before anyone could say goodbye. I took her through the back door so she couldn't see the result of my fuming.

Unlike the run here we didn't say anything. I made plans to convince Bella to stay human. I would give her anything; do anything, to make her seem reason. I wasn't quite sure of myself since my last plan ended up getting us nearly massacred.

We still hadn't shared a word when I climbed up the wall of her house into her room. I landed quietly to make sure not to wake Charlie, he would be up in about an hour.

I set her on the bed before I began to pace—a human habit. It was March, meaning I had until early June to make Bella see sense.

"Whatever you're planning it's not going to work," Bella said.

"Shh," I hushed. "I'm thinking."

"Ugh," she moaned throwing her body backwards and pulled a quilt over her face. I couldn't allow that.

Swiftly I made my way across the room and laid next to her on the bed to pulled to cover away. Her hair was fanned across her as I reached to brush it away from her cheek. "If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I can stand. Now…tell me something," I proposed.

"What?" she sighed.

"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"

"You."

I shook my head. Either she didn't understand or was still under an illusion that I was strong enough to leave her. "Something you don't already have."

She pursed her lips has she thought it over. Surely there was something I could get her. Humans tended to always want something, didn't they?

"I would want…Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want you to change me."

I could work with that. If she would wager more time fore what she wanted then I could use it to show her why she should stay human. It all depends on how much she wanted it.

"What would you be willing to trade for that?"

"Anything," she blurted in excitement.

I couldn't help the scarce smile on my lips. It wouldn't take me more than two years to talk her out of it. I started my offer high. "Five years?" I asked. Her face was mixed between revulsion and mortification. "You said anything," I reminded her.

"Yes, but… you'll use the time to find a way out of it. I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human—for me, at least. So, anything but that."

I frowned, she had thought about this too. "Three years?"

"No!"

"Isn't it worth anything to you at all?" I knew it wasn't fair to say this, but I would do anything for more time.

"Six months?"

"Not good enough," That wasn't even enough time for me to prepare to bite her.

"One year, then. That's my limit."

"At least give me two," I pleaded.

"No way. Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere near twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I," she declared.

That wasn't enough time. I didn't want to drink from her intentionally anymore, but that doesn't mean I would have enough control to stop myself. If I were to taste her sweet blood, then I might forget who she was. Maybe if I had even more of a tie to her, to have even more of a bond with her. If she wanted to join my family so badly, I could think of a better way. And, being honest, I really, really did want this. "All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one—then you'll just have to meet one condition."

"Condition?" she wondered. "What condition?"

I didn't know what her reaction would be. I knew her mother was strongly against young marriage from a bad experience herself. But our love was different; there was no way of splitting us up. I remembered a time when I had thought it impossible that we could ever be this close. Now though, after all we had been through, how could we not? "Marry me first," I gauged her reaction carefully. If I were human, I'm sure my palms would be sweating and heart ready to jump out of my chest.

She stared at me blankly. What was she thinking? "Okay. What's the punch line?"

I sighed; it felt like I had been punched in the gut. It had hurt far worse than I would let her know. "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."

"Edward, please be serious."

"I am one hundred percent serious," I gazed at her with fervor.

"Oh, c'mon," her voice raised an octave. "I'm only eighteen."

"Well, I'm nearly a hundred and ten. It's time I settled down."

She didn't reply. Instead Bella looked out the window for a long moment.

_What was she thinking? _

"Look," she began. "Marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the kiss of death for Charlie and Renée."

"Interesting choice of words." Considering it would literally be our kiss of death.

"You know what I mean."

Did we not just agree that it we would be better off dead than without each other? Didn't we agree that we weren't going to leave one another? She was willing to give up her soul. Why couldn't she get married? "Please don't tell me that you're afraid of commitment," I begged, blowing out a deep breath.

"That's not it exactly," she disagreed. "I'm…afraid of Renée. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you're thirty."

"Because she'd rather you become one of the eternal damned than get married," I chuckled grimly.

"You think you're joking," she accused.

"Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a martial union as opposed to bartering your soul in exchange for an eternity as a vampire…" I shook my head, disbelieving. "If you're not brave enough to marry me, then—"

"Well," she hedged. "What if I did? What if I told you take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?"

Despite her tone my heart soared from the idea. I smiled at her brightly. "Sure," she thought I was kidding, but I was completely serious. "I'll get my car."

"Damn it," she mumbled. "I'll give you eighteen months."

"No deal," I grinned. "I like this condition."

"Fine. I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate."

"If that's what you really want,"' I shrugged smiling innocently. It had the effect I wanted.

"You're impossible," she groaned. "A monster."

"Is that why you wont marry me?" I laughed.

She groaned.

"_Do I dazzle you?" _

"_Frequently." _

She didn't know how useful that information was.

I bent my head down closer to hers. Looking into her eyes with the most intensity I could muster. "Please, Bella?" I breathed. She stopped breathing for a minute then shook her head fiercely. "Would this have gone better if I had a ring?" I asked. It wouldn't be difficult for me to return to my home and fetch my mother's ring.

"No! No rings!" she said a bit too loudly.

_Huh? What was that? _thought Charlie.

"Now you've done it," I whispered.

"Oops."

"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave," the corners of my mouth turned down, Bella's features chagrinned. "Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?"

"No?" she smiled. "Stay. Please."

I grinned at her before cramming into her closet and closing the door.

I heard as Charlie blinked back his sleep and made his way groggily to check on Bella. The door opened.

"Morning, Dad."

_Oh, she is up, whoops. _"Oh, hey, Bella. I didn't know you were awake."

"Yeah. I've just been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower," I saw Bella shuffle into a sitting position in Charlie's mind.

"Hold on," he stopped as light entered the room. "Let's talk for a minute first." Bella shuddered. In all the commotion I had forgotten to ask Alice for an excuse.

"You know you're in trouble," Charlie began.

"Yeah, I know."

"I just about went crazy these last three days. I come home from Harry's funeral, and you're gone. Jacob could only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and he though you were in trouble. You didn't leave me a number, and you didn't call. I didn't know where you were or when—or if—you were coming back. Do you have any idea how…how…" he paused, not wanting to cry. "Can you give me one reason why I shouldn't ship you off to Jacksonville this second?"

Bella sat up higher. "Because I wont go."

_What does she mean she wont go? _"Now just one minute, young lady—"

"Look, Dad, I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want. I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within rights if you want to kick me out, too—but that wont make me go to Florida."

_What? She can't be serious, moving out? This has something to do with the Cullen kid. _"Would you like to explain where you've been?"

"There was…an emergency."

_She isn't answering. This isn't good. _

After taking a deep breath Bella continued. "I don't know what to tell you, Dad. It was mostly a misunderstanding. He said, she said. It got out of hand."

_That doesn't help me at all. _

I imagine there was an expression on his face that told her so.

"See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff…"

_She WHAT?! _

"I guess I didn't tell you about that," Bella fumbled. "It was nothing. Just messing around, swimming with Jake. Anyway, Rosalie told Edward and he was upset." She told him parts of the truth. "She sort of accidently made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something. He wouldn't answer his phone, so Alice dragged me to…L.A., to explain in person." I was surprised by the detail as she made it up on the spot.

_But…was she? _"Were you trying to kill yourself, Bella?" he chocked.

"No, of course not. Just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the time. Like I said, nothing."

_Cliff diving? Huh, sure doesn't sound like nothing. Jake's a good kid though, maybe she wasn't trying to kill herself. But still scaring me half to death just to save the Cullen kid. I can't believe either of them! _"What's it to Edward Cullen anyway?" he sneered my name with distaste. "All this time, he's left you dangling without a word—"

"Another misunderstanding," said Bella.

"So is he back then?" _Because he's not coming near Bella. _

"I'm not sure what the exact plan is. I think they all are."

"I want you to stay away from him, Bella. I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I wont let him pass you up like that again."

"Fine," Bella said harshly. My heart dropped; did she really give up that easily? Maybe she didn't want me like I her.

_Oh, wow, that was uh, easy. _"Oh," mumbled Charlie. "I thought you were going to be difficult."

"I am," Bella narrowed her eyes. "I meant, 'Fine I'll move out.'"

_What? No she can't do that. I wont have it. She, she cant do this to me. _

"Dad, I don't want you to move out," Bella said gently. "I love you. I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want me to stay. Do you wan me to live here or not?"

"That's not fair, Bella. You know I want you to stay."

"Then be nice to Edward, because he's going to be where I am," she announced. I felt an over whelming amount of gratitude. She really did trust me to stay. And loved me enough to move out, although I wouldn't allow her to do that to herself or father.

"Not under my roof," Charlie stated.

"Look," she sighed deeply. "I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight—or I guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal." I felt terrible that she was doing this to her father because of my stupid mistakes.

_I can't accept that. After what he did to her, _Charlie and I both grimaced. "Bella—"

"Think it over," she intercepted. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I could really use a shower."

_I don't know when this happened. How did she become the boss? They are not a package deal; _Charlie stormed out of the room and downstairs, frustrated.

I was in front of Bella before she could climb of her bed.

"Sorry about that," she whispered as if she had something to apologize for.

"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse," I said. "Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please," I begged.

"Don't worry about it," she mumbled and began to gather her toiletries. "I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that. Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?" she teased with feigned wide eyes.

"You'd move in with a house full of vampires?"

"That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides," a devilish grin stretched across her face. "If Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?"

"So eager for eternal damnation," I muttered through gritted teeth.

"You know you don't really believe that."

"Oh, don't I?" I challenged.

"No. You don't."

Before I could argue she cut me off.

"If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn't—you said 'Amazing. Carlisle was right,'" she quoted with a smug grin. "There's hope in you, after all."

I didn't know what to say or how to ague with her idea. Could she be correct? Is there believe buried under my subconscious? Or was I just to stubborn to believe we were both alive?

"So let's just be hopeful, all right?" Bella shrugged. "Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven." For once we were on the same page, I couldn't imagine heaven would be better than being with Bella for eternity.

I moved off her bed and to where she was standing. I place my hands on either side of her face. I didn't have a proper response for all she had just told me. "Forever," I guaranteed.

"That's all I'm asking for," she whispered and stood on her toes to bring our lips together. She was all I needed.

**A/N: Thanks so much for reviewing, keep it up! **


	18. Epilouge: Not Even Close To The End

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. **

_I moved off her bed and to where she was standing. I place my hands on either side of her face. I didn't have a proper response for all she had just told me. "Forever," I guaranteed. _

"_That's all I'm asking for," she whispered and stood on her toes to bring our lips together. She was all I needed. _

***

Everything seemed to fight right back into place when we returned back to Forks. I realized that this was the only place I would ever be able to call home again. The hospital did not cover their excitement when they heard Esme's distaste of big city life and eagerly welcomed Carlisle back. Alice and I registered back into high school again and were companied by petty thoughts and suspicious stares. We didn't mind much; the stares were something we had gotten use to, and Bella didn't seem to care either.

I parked into the closest spot near Newton's Olympic Outfitters to pick up Bella. Charlie only allowed me in the house for a designated amount of time, so I had taken up driving Bella to work and school more often to fill the space between leaving her house and sneaking through her window at night.

The passenger clicked opened and Bella sat herself in the front seat.

"It's just plain rude!" she complained. "Down right insulting!" I knew what she was fuming about instantly, though I would rather ignore the situation. My appearance back in Bella's life had caused her werewolf friend to disappear. Not that I minded, but I didn't like to see Bella like this, I could tell she was missing him.

"Billy said he didn't want to talk to me," she vented, glaring daggers out the window. "That he was there, and wouldn't walk three steps to get to the phone! Usually Billy just says he's out or busy or sleeping something. I mean, it's not like I didn't know he was lying to me, by at least it was polite way to handle it. I guess Billy hates me now, too. It's not fair!"

"It's not you, Bella," I murmured. "Nobody hates you." The Quileute tribe had a very strong disregard to my family and I.

"Feels that way," she mumbled and crossed her arms in front is her chest.

"Jacob knows we're back, and I'm sure that he's ascertained that I'm with you," I comforted. "He wont come anywhere near me. The enmity is rooted too deeply."

"That's stupid," she grumbled. "He knows you're not… like other vampires."

"There's still good reason to keep a safe distance."

She didn't reply only glared out the window with a far away stare again, still bitter. "Bella, we are what we are," I explained. "I can control myself, but I doubt he can. He's very young. It would most likely turn into a fight, and I don't know if I could stop it before I k—" I stopped myself quickly, this was Bella's friend I was talking about. "Before I hurt him. You would be unhappy. I don't want that to happen."

"Edward Cullen," she whispered in disbelief. "Were you about to say 'killed him'? Were you?" accused Bella.

I slowed my driving; the natural anger against werewolves was rising. "I would try… very hard…not to do that," only for the sake of Bella's friendship.

Her mouth hung open as she stared at me. For a moment I thought the running and screaming would begin. We were nearing her house when I heard him, or rather _smelt _him first. Bella said something about not wanting to be late, I faintly heard her.

_MOTORCYCLES? I SWEAR IF SHE DOES ONE MORE THING…_ Charlie's thoughts were so furious, they were screaming at me.

"You're already in more trouble, Bella," I said through gritted teeth. Bella had told me about her new means of transportation, but had left that detail out to Charlie.

She griped my arm.

"What? What is it?"

"Charlie…"

"My dad?" she shrieked. I looked down at her calmly so she wouldn't be frightened.

"Charlie…is probably not going to kill you, but he's thinking about it," I said propelling the car down her street. I didn't pull into her driveway though, instead by the edge of the trees where _he_ was waiting for us.

"What did I do?" she asked. I glanced back to her sleek ruby bike parked proudly next to the cruiser. Her eyes widened as she followed my gaze.

"No!" she gasped. "Why? Why would Jacob do this to me?" she demanded while angry tears filled her eyes. "Is he still here?" her voice took on a revengeful tone.

"Yes. He's waiting for us there," I nodded to the path that led into the woods. She charged out of the car immediately and ran head long to the path. I caught here before she could reach the path.

"Let me go! I'm going to murder him! Traitor!" she shouted the last part toward the path where Jacob stood, still invisible to her eyes.

"Charlie will hear you," I warned her quietly. "And once he gets you inside, he may brick over the doorway," I wasn't kidding. He was considering many options to keep Bella locked inside the house.

"Just give me one round with Jacob," she balled her fist. "And then I'll deal with Charlie," she struggled against my grip. I didn't think Bella knew that if she tried to punch him, she would break her hand.

"Jacob Black wants to see me. That's why he's here." Her struggling stopped at once.

"Talk?"

"More or less."

"How much more?" she asked with an uneven voice. I tucked her hair behind her ears.

_Can they hurry up? Why did Sam have to send _me_? Couldn't he remind them about the treaty? "You're the closest one to her, Jacob," _he remembered.

"Don't worry, he's not here to fight me. He's acting as… a spokesperson for the pack," I informed

"Oh."

_WHERE IS SHE? SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT'S WAITING FOR HER HERE_, Charlie thought.

"We should hurry. Charlie's getting impatient."

It wasn't hard to find the dog; he was only a few yards into the forest. I left seven feet between us incase he lost control of his temper. I shifted until Bella was behind me, that didn't stop her from glaring at him from under my arms. His eyes locked with mine.

_Bloodsucker, disgusting. _"Bella," he greeted harshly without leaving my gaze.

"Why?" she whispered. "How could you do this to me, Jacob?"

_If she wants to stay with the parasites, then I cant have her stuff around. _"It's for the best."

"What is that suppose to mean? Do you want Charlie to strangle me? Or do you want him to have a heart attack, like Harry? No matter how mad you are at me, how could you do this to him?"

_I didn't want that. I just can't have her around all those leeches, if she's grounded, she can't see him, _thought Jacob but he didn't say anything out loud.

"He didn't want to hurt anyone—he just wanted to get you grounded, so that you wouldn't be allowed to spend time with me," I explained quickly.

_Stay out of my head, leech. _

"Aw, Jake!" Bella threw her head back and groaned. "I'm already grounded! Why do think I haven't been down to La Push to kick your butt for avoiding my phone calls?"

_Aw, damn she can't be serious, _his eyes flashed to hers for the first time. "That's why?" he asked. _Crap, I thought it was her bloodsucker. _

"He thought I wouldn't let you, not Charlie," I clarified.

"Stop that," he snapped. _There's a reason I don't say what I think. He really can hear your every thought, creepy. _

"Bella wasn't exaggerating about your…abilities," he growled. "So you must know why I'm here."

"Yes," I replied. "But, before you begin, I need to say something."

_Hurry, _he demanded trying to get his temper under control.

I had seen how Bella felt about Jacob Black. I knew he now rivaled me for Bella. His crush on her had now morphed into a love for my beautiful, silly, marvelous Bella and I wanted to keep her from him. I wanted to forbid him from ever seeing her again. Jacob was not only my natural enemy but also rival. The worst part though, was I owed Jacob Black. He was there when I was foolish enough no to be. He took the pieces of Bella's heart I broke and glued them back together. He kept Bella alive, and for that I would be eternally grateful.

"Thank you," I said honestly. "I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am. I will owe you for the rest of my… existence."

_What the hell are you talking about? _he demanded.

"For keeping Bella alive," I explained. "When I…didn't."

"Edward—" Bella began. I silenced her.

"I didn't do it for you benefit," Jacob hissed,

"I know. But that doesn't erase the gratitude I feel. I thought you should know. If there' ever anything in my power to do for you…"

_Anything? _he raised an eyebrow thinking of holding Bella in his arms.

"That's not in my power," I shook my head.

"Whose, then?" he challenged.

I looked down at Bella's lovely face. "Hers. I'm a quick learner, Jacob Black, and I don't make the same mistake twice. I'm here until she orders me away."

"Never," Bella whispered into my eyes.

_Aw, cut me a brake, _Jacob made a childish chocking noise.

Bella frowned. "Was there something else you needed, Jacob? You wanted me in trouble—mission accomplished. Charlie might just send me to military school. But that won't keep me away from Edward. There's nothing that can do that. What more do you want?"

"I just needed to remind your bloodsucking friends of a few key points in the treaty they agreed to. The treaty that is the only thing stopping me from ripping his throat out right this minute," said Jacob.

"We haven't forgotten," I said at the same time Bella asked, "What key points?"

"The treaty is quite specific," Jacob glowered at me. "If any of them bite a human, the truce is over. Bite, not kill," he reminded me.

"That's none of your business," Bella stated.

"The hell it—" was all Jacob managed to yell before his convulsions became more pronounced. Now his whole upper body was vibrating as he closed his eyes to try to control himself. This was the reason why Bella should stay away from him.

_Oh, God. This can't be happening now, _thought Jacob.

"Jake? You okay?" Bella took a step forward. I pushed her farther behind me.

"Careful! He's not under control," I hissed.

"Ugh. _I _would never hurt her," Jacob scowled yet his arms were still trembling. _I would never do that to her, _he thought.

A snarl escaped my lips and Jacob clenched his fists together.

"BELLA" Charlie bellowed, I had forgotten about him until now. "YOU GET IN THIS HOUSE THIS INSTANT!"

We were silent until Bella spoke.

"Crap," she croaked.

"I am sorry about that," mumbled Jacob.

"Just one more thing," I said. "We've found no trace of Victoria on our side of the line—have you?"

_I wish. _"The last time was while Bella was…away. We let her think she was slipping through—we were tightening the circle, getting ready to ambush her, but then she took off like a bat out of hell. Near as we can tell, she caught your little female's scent"-- a picture of Alice popped in his mind—" and bailed. She hadn't come near our lands since."

I nodded. "When she comes back, she's not your problem anymore. We'll—"

"She killed on our turf," snarled Jacob. "She's ours!"

"No—" Bella argued.

"BELLA! I SEE HIS CAR AND I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE! IF YOU AREN'T INSIDE THIS HOUSE IN ONE MINUTE…!" threatened Charlie.

"Let's go," I said. Bella looked back at Jacob for a moment.

"Sorry," he whispered. "Bye, Bells." _She can still come down if she wants, bloodsucker. She's safe with us, _Jacob thoughts hissed.

"You promised. Still friends, right?" she asked.

Jacob shook his head slowly. "You know how hard I've tried to keep that promise, but… I cant see how to keep trying. Not now," he mumbled. "Miss you," mouthed Jacob and stretched his hand toward Bella.

"Me, too," she mirrored to movement.

Bella's face twisted into a grimace.

"Jake…" she moved toward him but I pulled her back. "It's okay," she promised me.

"No, it's not," I disagreed. It hadn't even been two minutes since his temper got out of control.

_You're not in control of her. _"Let go of her," hissed Jacob. "She wants to!" he took to steps toward us. I suppressed every nerve in my body that told me to attack. Pushing Bella behind me once I more I stood face to face with him.

"No! Edward--!"

"ISABELLA SWAN!"

"Come on! Charlie's mad! Hurry!" she tugged on my arm and I relaxed at her touch. I pulled her back to the house without taking my eyes of Jacob.

_Don't forget leech, just one bite and we can attack, _he warned.

I kept her waist securely by my side as we retreated back to her house. Victoria was still on the prowl. We had only gotten one hint of her scent that was a week old. The Quilete's were watching our every move in case of a mistake. Bella was determined to stay friend's with Jacob and she was egger to lose her soul after we graduate. And her enraged father was waiting to punish Bella and kick me out.

"I'm here," I whispered in her ear as we approached Charlie. His thoughts were outraged.

Bella and I were far from our happy ending. But as long as we were together, things never had to end.

**A/N: Aww so sad its over! Thank you so much for reading, and reviewing I've had a great time writing this story. I'll be away for camp for a month but when I return I have another story ready to start so keep me on author alert. Special thanks to Snappleapple and VAchick who reviewed all my chapters and my beta Twilight Awesomeness! **


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